as Salaam Alaikum, everyone. Here are two short introductions (written by two different candidates) for what's supposed to be a CSS-style essay. The topic is "The Effects of Pakistan's Foreign Policy". I'd greatly appreciate it if you could please tell us which one is more suitable for a CSS paper.

Intro 1: Pakistan’s foreign policy decisions are widely regarded as extremely critical to world security. This is since the nation plays a pivotal role in influencing important international issues such as nuclear proliferation, the global economic crisis, and the so-called "war on terror". Pakistan’s strategic involvement in Afghanistan, its mutual rivalry with India, and, of course, its love-hate relationship with America are all crucial to defining the political situation of the world today.

Intro 2: The tremendous impact of Pakistan’s foreign policy can be easily seen in every corner of this country. From the screaming innocent victims of drone attacks in Waziristan to the angry mob burning American flags on the streets of Karachi. It’s everywhere. From the displaced anxious Afghans in small refugee camps in Peshawar, to the sweaty politicians under pressure from America giving excuses on television in Islamabad. Pakistan’s foreign policy is largely shaped by its friends such as Iran, and China and by its enemies such as India, America and Afghanistan.

2nd one is good. But, intro is not at such level for CSS essay? You would have to be brief not too brief but in precise way? Hope you are getting my point what i have said?

i think first one ia appropriate but there could be more improvement.....

First intro seems more acceptable from css point of view, but many improvements may be required in it..

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Don't judge my path... for you haven't walked my journey...

first one is better then other, coz Commission needs diplomatic officers (may be)........ btw nice effort, keep it up...............



Manual quote............
life is like a wheel circle, help those who are in the lower half, coz in the next turn u will be there...........

This introduction is pithily written and has good points.
It is written in good script and it has good sentence structure.
In my opinion,this better one.

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This world is temporary,why should we be proud of ourselves?(Missing LI)

1st one is better .......................

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LOVE all, TRUST a few, do WRONG to none......

will you please explain which techniques have been employed to design or prepare the intros? i mean, which things have you given in the intros? only effects or something else also?

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We can trust the man of troubles but not on the man of pleasures.

Thank you everyone for your valuable feedback. I guess an explanation for the circumstances in which both those introductions were written would be helpful. This was part of an exercise which two CSS candidates took part in. The concept is that you receive any random topic and an introduction must be written to it in less than five minutes.

As far as I know, the candidates weren't given any specific model or construct to follow. It was more of an open-ended question. "Write a quick introduction to an essay on 'The Effects of Pakistan's Foreign Policy'" is what both students received only.

Any more suggestions on how both introductions could be improved would be very helpful.

well this intro sounds good at first glance but has many flaws and when it comes to correct English usage which is the panacea of success in CSS, it is apocalyptically written and things may go awry for the writer...