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  #41  
Old Monday, December 17, 2012
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Originally Posted by Bilal Hassan View Post
In RED are your mistakes
In Blue are my corrections and explantions
Dear you must work on your grammar and sentence syntax, you are lacking in following areas...
  • Subject and verb agreement
  • Correct usage of adjectives and adverbs etc
  • Sentence syntax and structure
But one thing is clear, you have got the flair in your writing, you ain't like an amateur or newbie, you just need to work on aforementioned things, once you have done this, you will rock the show...Insha Allah
I am working ... and for this i have to correct mistakes myself.Like Zuhaib have did .It helped me a lot .Because I explored rules and my request is when I will write another essay ,then please highlight these .I will correct these myself .I am very much obliged for your service brother and my dearest younger brother zuhaib.
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  #42  
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Originally Posted by SADIA SHAFIQ View Post
I am working ... and for this i have to correct mistakes myself.Like Zuhaib have (Has) did .It helped me a lot .Because I explored rules and my request is when I will write another essay ,then please highlight these .I will correct these myself .I am very much obliged for your service brother and my dearest younger brother zuhaib.
Grab following book if you can, this will benefit you throughout your life...

A Comprehensive Grammar of English Language by Quirk, Greenbaum, Leech and Svartik

lgta hy Zuhaib se ap ko buhat zayada he Mohabbat hy, un k name k sath Have use kiya hy na or dearest b.....
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SADIA SHAFIQ (Monday, December 17, 2012)
  #43  
Old Monday, December 17, 2012
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Originally Posted by Bilal Hassan View Post
Grab following book if you can, this will benefit you throughout your life...

A Comprehensive Grammar of English Language by Quirk, Greenbaum, Leech and Svartik
it is not available in Multan..Kindly highlight mistakes just in recent one
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  #44  
Old Monday, December 17, 2012
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Originally Posted by SADIA SHAFIQ View Post
Quiet women revolution is beneficial for new generation
\


Thesis statement

Women emancipation is a good sign after continual dismal and apathy of their stature which will diminish sexism and run forth a brilliant procreant leading nations towards success and progress.



Outline .


1. Women Emancipation --Introduction

i)Evolution of society and women .
ii)Generalization about their status .
iii)Mohammad(P.B.U.H)-the greatest feminist .
iv)spinal cord of society --women.
iii)Thesis statement.


2.women in past and in present .



i)Extermination from heaven .
ii)The brief study of civilizations.
iii) Social and economic insecurities .
iv)Function of Media.

3.Ramifications of Quiet women Revolution.

i) Gender gap ,Sexism male chauvinism .
ii)over-population ,carrying capacity .
iii)Qualified offspring.
iv) Eradication of old obsolete customs --dowry ,revocation of dower and denial rights in property .
v) Child labor .
vii)participation in politics,civil services and in other fields.


4.what new society will Inherits.



I)Free democrat society .
ii) Entrepreneurs class vs landlords .
iii)Equal status of each gender .
iv)The essence of Islamic society.


5.Recommendations for further development

i) Reciprocation of Islamic values in modern ones-- by cultural means
ii)Promotion of education.
iii)Laws and legislation ---via parliamentary process.


6.Conclusion.

It is also worthwhile to state that the status which women reached today in the west was not achieved due to the kindness of men or natural progress. It was rather achieved through her long struggle and sacrifices and only when society needed her contribution and work, more especially during the Two World Wars and due to the escalation of technological change.




Quiet women revolution is beneficial for new generation.

@Bilal I just saw your post. I have edited my mistakes mentioned by zuhaib .After psoting it I see your analysis ...and will work on yours where it is required .
total words 1400

It is oft-quoted that behind every success of man, there is a woman.They motivate men for achievements who by dint of it discover new horizon of life. If women are not existed on the earth then there would be no humans ,who generate industries,skyscrapers,satellites and no change in societies .In fact women bring change in the society by shaping the new generation.Unfortunately they are considered only source of procreation and pleasure and to restrict social change deprived from education .They are degraded and ridiculed by men.Tragically ,we forget ,Holy prophet (P.B.U.H) was a greatest feminist .He uplifted women from abjection and abasement .He had introduced family system replacing tribal ones which increased their role and significance.Their importance can not be denied because their role is like jugular vein in a society .They shaped families and respective institutions onto which nations`journey towards development is necessary In present society there is dire need to provide them opportunities on workplaces .Though most of women are victim of sexism but a few are trying to uplift their status .They have proved their potential in medical ,aerospace fields and in civil services . Women emancipation is a good sign after continual dismal and apathy of their stature which will diminish sexism.


The men consider women derogatory creature .They have been generalized as harbinger of ominous repercussions ;when Adam tasted the fruit of "forbidden tree"because Eve had induced Adam to taste it.Man had always thought women would have induced towards wrong path..Hindus` civilization is one of the world oldest one in the world where women are considered "untouchables".They had been burnt with the death of their husbands(satti custom)The Widows had to live all life in white clad.In Christianity women were encouraged to acquire the status of Nuns.pre-Islamic Arabia civilization have worst records of gender injustice .Nascent female children were buried alive(infanticide) .All authorities were given to men considering women occupation is merely to manage household . Their denied participation in trade politics and jurisprudence originated social injustice; the sole cause of social change.They new wave of social change has been for casted because they know how they have been devoid from their due rights.In rural areas their marriages with Quran -e-pak so they may not be able to get due share in property , revocation of dower ,custom of dowry forbidden from education have aroused them from slumber.Now they acknowledged they have to face ,fight with world and fly higher by achieving their own dreams .That is the reason most of the urban women have become stronger then men .We have girls like Arfa Kareem ,Malala yousaf zai ,women like Hilary clinton ,Hina Rabbani khar , Barbara Boxer, Maria Cantwel,Susan Collins.These women belonging to urban culture have set a model role for deprived rural women community.Now women have raised their voice and trying to put down the fire of sexism.



I do not think, sir, you have any right to command me, merely because you are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience.”



(Charlotte Brontë)





They knew they can get their right entering first in the field of education and then politics .So despite of poor literacy rates Pakistan`s ,Indian and Bangladesh`s women are premier ,foreign ministers and political leaders.Fashion industries and media corporates aimed to advertise their business and their subject is women.The idea have gained currency women is only created for men .Women have imitated this idea through media but educated and literate women have now fully acquainted where they have to take things and which ideals need dumping. Media instead of portraying good jobs of women focused more on the brands of their hand bags ,wrist watches and shoes. Which have narrowed the scope and importance of women in role in current scenario.



I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”
― Jane Austen


Gradual awakening is changing designs and patterns of society for good .Evolution of females will dissolve the norms of habitual beating and servitude . Women emancipation is a good omen because it will imprint the future ; It will diminish gender discrimination ,gap and prejudicial behavior towards women.Ultimately ,male chauvinism will become myths of past .Women participation in political,economical and scientific fields not only have made them powerful but it would counterbalance the population explosion ,raise middle class participation Also it would generate human as well as natural and artificial resources.Their stature is generating creative and qualified offspring and youngsters have become acquainted with technological know-how .Male threatened women in past for dowry and adamant to give them dower.Many t women have approached towards courts and media knowing the fact of their power .Many women have become legends for men in political arena .They are employing themselves in politics and civil services which is great .achievement on their part.





Women now hold 78 of the 342 seats in the National Assembly, and in July, Hina Rabbani Khar, 34, became Pakistan's first female Foreign Minister. “The cultural norms regarding women in the workplace have changed






No doubt ,women have pioneered in many fields like many have become dramas` executives ,artists ,politicians ,ambassadors, singers , writers and sports women. They have won prizes on international level too.But despite of this fact ,large faction of women is underdeveloped. It is just because of the fact middle class faction is minor in % Pakistan as well as in South Asian countries too. So these women are trend setters for these deprived rural faction who are under abasement and even do not know how to get free from these obsolete norms and folkways. This will lead towards free democrat society where women were not questioned being a weak sex but valued for their qualification and achievements. .Now women are competing men as entrepreneurs where as major portion of landlord class do not want this change.This change will likely to collapse their small dominions which is a severe blow on their prestige. This is the reason they have lost support of masses in their constituencies .Women are replacing these feudalistic -political leaders .That`s why ratio of women in parliament have been increased .Their higher representation will create balance of power between two genders .Their equal status and liberty is advised in Islam .Indirectly women equal status will harmonize Islamic society.We will find teachers ,learned women like Umul Momeeneen--Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) to whom prophets`companions asked jurisprudence questions.We will have mothers like Umme-Abdullah(R.A) who supported her son to stood against evil .Pakistan`s society is moving towards transitional phase ;tribal culture to democrat one.Many documentaries are promoting this cultural change. Like ''saving face ,14 women have won prizes by international community .Women`aspirations and their deprivation are channeled on dramas as well .Pakistan`s media is provoking educational programmes encompassing social change .Parliament is passing many bills for the protection of women on workplaces. Many laws have been repealed and modified .It is also perhaps not a coincidence that the first Pakistani law against sexual harassment in the workplace was passed in 2011. Perhaps politicians now feel that urban women are an increasingly important electoral constituency.

Women` rights and their education are part of Millennium development goals (MDG) .Pakistan though is not able to achieve fully but women for their survival are struggling to get more education and power .Pakistan`s government has introduced quota system for women in civil services for their employment and empowerment . Women are best organizers and will able to shape new dimension of society .It is also worthwhile to state that the status which women achieved status is not due to the kindness of men or natural progress. It was rather achieved through her long struggle and sacrifices and only when society needed her contribution and work, more especially during the Two World Wars and due to the escalation of technological change
..
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  #45  
Old Monday, December 17, 2012
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Originally Posted by SADIA SHAFIQ View Post
..
you have quoted this text so i couldn't point out the mistakes...well there are many of them...
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  #46  
Old Monday, December 17, 2012
Bilal Hassan's Avatar
43rd CTP (PAS)
Medal of Appreciation: Awarded to appreciate member's contribution on forum. (Academic and professional achievements do not make you eligible for this medal) - Issue reason: CSP Medal: Awarded to those Members of the forum who are serving CSP Officers - Issue reason: CE 2014 - Merit 13
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
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Thanked 1,551 Times in 674 Posts
Bilal Hassan is a splendid one to beholdBilal Hassan is a splendid one to beholdBilal Hassan is a splendid one to beholdBilal Hassan is a splendid one to beholdBilal Hassan is a splendid one to beholdBilal Hassan is a splendid one to behold
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SADIA SHAFIQ View Post
Quiet women revolution is beneficial for new generation
\


Thesis statement

Women emancipation is a good sign after continual dismal and apathy of their stature which will diminish sexism and run forth a brilliant procreant leading nations towards success and progress.



Outline .


1. Women Emancipation --Introduction

i)Evolution of society and women .
ii)Generalization about their status .
iii)Mohammad(P.B.U.H)-the greatest feminist .
iv)spinal cord of society --women.
iii)Thesis statement.


2.women in past and in present .



i)Extermination from heaven .
ii)The brief study of civilizations.
iii) Social and economic insecurities .
iv)Function of Media.

3.Ramifications of Quiet women Revolution.

i) Gender gap ,Sexism male chauvinism .
ii)over-population ,carrying capacity .
iii)Qualified offspring.
iv) Eradication of old obsolete customs --dowry ,revocation of dower and denial rights in property .
v) Child labor .
vii)participation in politics,civil services and in other fields.


4.what new society will Inherits.



I)Free democrat society .
ii) Entrepreneurs class vs landlords .
iii)Equal status of each gender .
iv)The essence of Islamic society.


5.Recommendations for further development

i) Reciprocation of Islamic values in modern ones-- by cultural means
ii)Promotion of education.
iii)Laws and legislation ---via parliamentary process.


6.Conclusion.

It is also worthwhile to state that the status which women reached today in the west was not achieved due to the kindness of men or natural progress. It was rather achieved through her long struggle and sacrifices and only when society needed her contribution and work, more especially during the Two World Wars and due to the escalation of technological change.




Quiet women revolution is beneficial for new generation.

@Bilal I just saw your post. I have edited my mistakes mentioned by zuhaib .After psoting it I see your analysis ...and will work on yours where it is required .
total words 1400

It is oft-quoted that behind every success of man, there is a woman.They motivate men for achievements who by dint of it discover new horizon of life. If women are not existed (If women do not exist...exist must be preceded by an auxiliary verb) on the earth then there would be no humans ,who generate industries,skyscrapers,satellites and no change in societies .In fact women bring change in the society by shaping the new generation.Unfortunately they are considered only source of procreation and pleasure and to restrict social change deprived from education .They are degraded and ridiculed by men.Tragically ,we forget ,Holy prophet (P.B.U.H) was a greatest feminist .He uplifted women from abjection and abasement .He had introduced family system replacing tribal ones which increased their role and significance.Their importance can not be denied because their role is like jugular vein in a society (I have already pointed out that mistake) .They shaped families and respective institutions onto which nations`journey towards development is necessary In present society there is dire need to provide them opportunities on workplaces .Though most of women are victim of sexism but a few are trying to uplift their status .They have proved their potential in medical ,aerospace fields and in civil services . Women emancipation is a good sign after continual dismal and apathy of their stature which will diminish sexism.


The men consider women derogatory creature .They have been generalized as harbinger of ominous repercussions ;when Adam tasted the fruit of "forbidden tree"because Eve had induced Adam to taste it.Man had always thought women would have induced towards wrong path..Hindus` civilization is one of the world oldest one in the world where women are considered "untouchables".They had been burnt with the death of their husbands(satti custom)The Widows had to live all life in white clad.In Christianity women were encouraged to acquire the status of Nuns.pre-Islamic Arabia civilization have worst records of gender injustice .Nascent female children (Wrong use of words) were buried alive(infanticide) .All authorities were given to men considering women occupation is merely to manage household . Their denied participation in trade politics and jurisprudence originated social injustice; the sole cause of social change.They new wave of social change has been for casted because they know how they have been devoid from their due rights.In rural areas their marriages with Quran -e-pak so they may not be able to get due share in property , revocation of dower (what is that?) ,custom of dowry forbidden from education have aroused them from slumber.Now they acknowledged they have to face ,fight with world and fly higher by achieving their own dreams .That is the reason most of the urban women have become stronger then men .We have girls like Arfa Kareem ,Malala yousaf zai ,women like Hilary clinton ,Hina Rabbani khar , Barbara Boxer, Maria Cantwel,Susan Collins.These women belonging to urban culture have set a model role for deprived rural women community.Now women have raised their voice and trying to put down the fire of sexism.



I do not think, sir, you have any right to command me, merely because you are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience.”



(Charlotte Brontë)





They knew they can get their right entering first in the field of education and then politics .So despite of poor literacy rates Pakistan`s ,Indian and Bangladesh`s women are premier ,foreign ministers and political leaders.Fashion industries and media corporates aimed to advertise their business and their subject is women.The idea have gained currency women is only created for men .Women have imitated this idea through media but educated and literate women have now fully acquainted where they have to take things and which ideals need dumping. Media instead of portraying good jobs of women focused more on the brands of their hand bags ,wrist watches and shoes. Which have narrowed the scope and importance of women in role in current scenario.



I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”
― Jane Austen


Gradual awakening is changing designs and patterns of society for good .Evolution of females will dissolve the norms of habitual beating and servitude . Women emancipation is a good omen because it will imprint the future ; It will diminish gender discrimination ,gap and prejudicial behavior towards women.Ultimately ,male chauvinism will become myths of past .Women participation in political,economical and scientific fields not only have made them powerful but it would counterbalance the population explosion ,raise middle class participation Also it would generate human as well as natural and artificial resources.Their stature is generating creative and qualified offspring and youngsters have become acquainted with technological know-how .Male threatened women in past for dowry and adamant to give them dower.Many t women have approached towards courts and media knowing the fact of their power .Many women have become legends for men in political arena .They are employing themselves in politics and civil services which is great .achievement on their part.





Women now hold 78 of the 342 seats in the National Assembly, and in July, Hina Rabbani Khar, 34, became Pakistan's first female Foreign Minister. “The cultural norms regarding women in the workplace have changed






No doubt ,women have pioneered in many fields like many have become dramas` executives ,artists ,politicians ,ambassadors, singers , writers and sports women. They have won prizes on international level too.But despite of this fact ,large faction of women is underdeveloped. It is just because of the fact middle class faction is minor in % Pakistan as well as in South Asian countries too. So these women are trend setters for these deprived rural faction who are under abasement and even do not know how to get free from these obsolete norms and folkways. This will lead towards free democrat society where women were not questioned being a weak sex but valued for their qualification and achievements. .Now women are competing men as entrepreneurs where as major portion of landlord class do not want this change.This change will likely to collapse their small dominions which is a severe blow on their prestige. This is the reason they have lost support of masses in their constituencies .Women are replacing these feudalistic -political leaders .That`s why ratio of women in parliament have been increased .Their higher representation will create balance of power between two genders .Their equal status and liberty is advised in Islam .Indirectly women equal status will harmonize Islamic society.We will find teachers ,learned women like Umul Momeeneen--Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) to whom prophets`companions asked jurisprudence questions.We will have mothers like Umme-Abdullah(R.A) who supported her son to stood against evil .Pakistan`s society is moving towards transitional phase ;tribal culture to democrat one.Many documentaries are promoting this cultural change. Like ''saving face ,14 women have won prizes by international community .Women`aspirations and their deprivation are channeled on dramas as well .Pakistan`s media is provoking educational programmes encompassing social change .Parliament is passing many bills for the protection of women on workplaces. Many laws have been repealed and modified .It is also perhaps not a coincidence that the first Pakistani law against sexual harassment in the workplace was passed in 2011. Perhaps politicians now feel that urban women are an increasingly important electoral constituency.

Women` rights and their education is a part of Millennium development goals (MDG) .Pakistan though is not able to achieve fully but women for their survival are struggling to get more education and power .Pakistan`s government has introduced quota system for women in civil services for their employment and empowerment . Women are best organizers and will able to shape new dimension of society .It is also worthwhile to state that the status which women achieved status is not due to the kindness of men or natural progress. It was rather achieved through her long struggle and sacrifices and only when society needed her contribution and work, more especially during the Two World Wars and due to the escalation of technological change
dear this is a good piece of writing...i must say you have very much improved...well as long as you don't overcome your weaknesses, you must try to improvise with what you have got.....i have not analyzed the whole essay though....
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Last edited by Shooting Star; Tuesday, December 18, 2012 at 06:14 PM. Reason: Do not use red colour.All such posts will be deleted in future.
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  #47  
Old Tuesday, December 18, 2012
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In the essay ''Religion has done more harm than help to human relations in the world'',can we take an opposite stance or we have to stick to the original statement?please elaborate it.
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  #48  
Old Tuesday, December 18, 2012
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In the essay ''Religion has done more harm than help to human relations in the world'',can we take an opposite stance or we have to stick to the original statement?please elaborate it.
Dear this topic is a descriptive one not an argumentative essay, in descriptive essay we have to remain within the given topic and elaborate on it...it is the argumentative essay in which we can take either stance, support or against a topic, then we give arguments to support the stance taken...i hope this clears your misconception...
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