plz check my intro on education in pakistan

[hinahassan]

A country's development indicator can be measured by the degree of significance it has attached to education.Education is said to be the empowering tool of the nation .It is vital and plays a pivotal role in country 's development .hence , it is the backbone of a society's socio economic infrastructure .A visible difference between developed , developing , and underdeveloped nation is of education.The developed countries have attained 90 to 100% literacy rate .Developing countries are advancing with up-to 60% literacy rate .Underdeveloped countries fall below the literacy rate of 45%.This disparity in education clearly indicate the role of education in country's development. Education system in Pakistan is full of challenges and opportunities . Pakistan is among the developing nations with literacy rate of 56% . Although, not very discouraging , but far behind the its immediate neighbours ; India with 74%, Iran with 90% and china with 85% .As the deadline set by United nation on millennium development goals is approaching fas, So far little has been done to hit the mark of attaining objective of universal primary education. Pakistan is among the bottom countries in education with 50% school children drop-out rate.
There are variety of reason behind such sorry state of education in Pakistan , which collectively contribute in deteriorating the very social fabric of society in number of ways , only proper and timely attention towards this front would prove to be constructive and help uplifting society at large .

[Bilal Hassan]

Originally Posted by hinahassan

A country's development indicator can be measured by the degree of significance it has attached to education.Education is said to be the empowering tool of the nation .It is vital and plays a pivotal role in country 's development .hence , it is the backbone of a society's socio economic infrastructure .A visible difference between developed , developing , and underdeveloped nation is of education.The developed countries have attained 90 to 100% literacy rate .Developing countries are advancing with up-to 60% literacy rate .Underdeveloped countries fall below the literacy rate of 45%.This disparity in education clearly indicate the role of education in country's development. Education system in Pakistan is full of challenges and opportunities . Pakistan is among the developing nations with literacy rate of 56% . Although, not very discouraging , but far behind the its immediate neighbours ; India with 74%, Iran with 90% and china with 85% .As the deadline set by United nation on millennium development goals is approaching fas, So far little has been done to hit the mark of attaining objective of universal primary education. Pakistan is among the bottom countries in education with 50% school children drop-out rate.
There are variety of reason behind such sorry state of education in Pakistan , which collectively contribute in deteriorating the very social fabric of society in number of ways , only proper and timely attention towards this front would prove to be constructive and help uplifting society at large .

1:we do not measure the development indicator dear, rather it is the development indicator that measures the growth and development...
2: An indefinite article i-e An is required here not a definite "the"..
3:Indicates is to be written as subject is singular...
4:No Article is required here...
5: Number of reasons would be more appropriate...
overall this is a good piece of expression but clarity is needed.....

[hinahassan]

oh yes !!
i must omit the word indicator and write
a country's development/progress can be measured by the degree of importance it has attached to .............
and thanks i would work on ur suggestion

[sajidnuml]

Originally Posted by hinahassan

A country's development indicator can be measured by the degree of significance it has attached to education.Education is said to be the empowering tool of the nation .It is vital and plays a pivotal role in country 's development .hence , it is the backbone of a society's socio economic infrastructure .A visible difference between developed , developing , and underdeveloped nation is of education.The developed countries have attained 90 to 100% literacy rate .Developing countries are advancing with up-to 60% literacy rate .Underdeveloped countries fall below the literacy rate of 45%.This disparity in education clearly indicate the role of education in country's development. Education system in Pakistan is full of challenges and opportunities. Pakistan is among the developing nations with literacy rate of 56% . Although, not very discouraging , but far behind the its immediate neighbours ; India with 74%, Iran with 90% and china with 85% .As the deadline set by United nation on millennium development goals is approaching fas, So far little has been done to hit the mark of attaining objective of universal primary education. Pakistan is among the bottom countries in education with 50% school children drop-out rate.
There are variety of reason behind such sorry state of education in Pakistan , which collectively contribute in deteriorating the very social fabric of society in number of ways , only proper and timely attention towards this front would prove to be constructive and help uplifting society at large .

I will comment on the form of this introduction.

Apart from the mistakes pointed out by the member, It is good worthy of grabbing the attention of the examiner. You have started from the general to specific raising the importance of the subject and making its comparison with other countries implicitly coming to the conclusion that it is not up to the mark.

But I will suggest that there shall not be general statements in the middle, one extra is highlighted above, You can re arrange it in this way: that Pakistan has not even achieved the objective of universal primary education.

Secondly,The word "Opportunities" is vague delivering no meaning and no follow up. It may be omitted or you need to give follow up as you have given of Challenges.

"Although, not very discouraging", "sorry state of education in Pakistan" now these both are contradictory, you shall omit the former. So the examiner shall know your position, or omit the latter and take a middle path in the rest of the essay

Introductions is the most important part of the essay, and you have almost made it!

Goodluck.

[sonny]

Originally Posted by hinahassan

A country's development indicator can be measured by the degree of significance it has attached to education.Education is said to be the empowering tool of the nation .It is vital and plays a pivotal role in country 's development .hence , it is the backbone of a society's socio economic infrastructure .A visible difference between developed , developing , and underdeveloped nation is of education.The developed countries have attained 90 to 100% literacy rate .Developing countries are advancing with up-to 60% literacy rate .Underdeveloped countries fall below the literacy rate of 45%.This disparity in education clearly indicates the role of education in country's development. Education system in Pakistan is full of challenges and opportunities . Pakistan is among the developing nations with literacy rate of 56% . Although, not very discouraging , but far behind from its immediate neighbours ; India with 74%, Iran with 90% and china with 85% .As the deadline set by United nation on millennium development goals is approaching fas, So far little has done to hit the mark of attaining objective of universal primary education. Pakistan is among the bottom countries where drop-out rate of school going children is 50%.
There are variety of reasons behind such dismal state of education in Pakistan , which collectively contributes in deteriorating the very social fabric of society in number of ways. Only proper and timely attention towards this front could prove to be constructive and help uplifting society at large .

please focus on grammer and try to improve the sentence structures.
keep practising.