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  #11  
Old Tuesday, October 08, 2013
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@Sheikh87

Will try to make this better sentence by sentence.

Topic : APC and latter linked developments.

All Parties Conference - APC, initiated by the Prime Minister, ended up with a consensus which was to start talks on the table with the leadership of the Pakistani Talibans.
Initiated by the Prime Minister, the All Parties Conference (APC) concluded with a consensus to start talks with the Pakistani Talibans on the table.


PTI Chairman, Imran Khan, also joined the APC, after his demand of separate talks with PM and Army Chief was fulfilled.
After his demand of separate talks was fulfulled, Imran Khan, the Chairman of Pakistan Tehreek Insaaf (PTI) also took part in the APC.

However, even after the welcoming statement from the leadership of TTP, an attack was observed in the Upper Deer area which killed the Leutinent General of Pakistan Army.

Adding more to the fire, (the) TTP wasted no time in taking the credit (for) the attacks. Following this notorious event by the TTP, some major developments took place resulting in an angry speech by General Kiyani. PTI chairman Imran Khan, who had previously been a staunch advocate of peace talks changed his stance. PTI ideology of negotiations are now conditioned to the acceptance of the constitution of Pakistan and ceasefire.

I think APC on the first place was baseless, providing no line of action. It talked about the peace talks but failed to define the strategy, as to, what will be the subject of the negotiations?, To whom and how the talks would be done ?, and to what extent the Government would show flexibility? Prime Minister, Mian Muhammad Nawaz Shareef got a great chance of finalizing the matter to its fuller extent as all the political parties and establishment on board were willing to negotiate.

Nevertheless, TTP made the situation worse and jeopardized the talks. After these events, the government should now change its line of action.

Pakistani Government should now put obligations on TTP to surrender. The TTP should also accept the constitution of Pakistan and guilt on their part in case of any future attacks between or after the peace talks.


COMMENTS:

1. Definite need of improvement in grammar.
2. Overall, the article fails to apply a compelling argument, leading the reader to believe that it was written in haste.
3. Need to incorporate the usage of 'The', commas and full stops.

All the best.
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@amannan

Pakistan, defense budget vs Education budget
Pakistan - A comparison of the Defense and Education Budgets.

Our Pakistan is going backward acutely, the reason is the low education standard.
A major reason contributing to the decline of our beautiful Pakistan is the low standard of education.

One can have a look at the new budget of 2013-2014 and it’s abstruse to elucidate Government strategies.
The latest budget of the year 2013-2014 highlights the governments abstruse strategy.
NOTE: As a reader/examiner, it really destroys us when flowery words are ineffectively used. It is always better to go with words with which you can make more sense.

Our Government is burgeoning the defense budget whereas in juxtaposition the education budget is untouched.

Defense budget has been escalated by 15 % which makes 627.2 billion. In contrary to this, our education budget is increased by only 0.1 % which is startling. In this epoch where every nation is enhancing their Education standard and industrial advancement our demagogues are spending more on Defense, which is of no use. To be frank Government should spend some of the budget for educational purposes, so, our country can increase the standards of education and can emulate with other countries.

COMMENTS:
1. Ineffective usage of learnt vocabulary in some sentences.
2. Sentence structure can be improved.
3. Need to put in more facts to make the argument credible.

All the best.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SPRR View Post
@amannan

Pakistan, defense budget vs Education budget
Pakistan - A comparison of the Defense and Education Budgets.

Our Pakistan is going backward acutely, the reason is the low education standard.
A major reason contributing to the decline of our beautiful Pakistan is the low standard of education.

One can have a look at the new budget of 2013-2014 and it’s abstruse to elucidate Government strategies.
The latest budget of the year 2013-2014 highlights the governments abstruse strategy.
NOTE: As a reader/examiner, it really destroys us when flowery words are ineffectively used. It is always better to go with words with which you can make more sense.

Our Government is burgeoning the defense budget whereas in juxtaposition the education budget is untouched.

Defense budget has been escalated by 15 % which makes 627.2 billion. In contrary to this, our education budget is increased by only 0.1 % which is startling. In this epoch where every nation is enhancing their Education standard and industrial advancement our demagogues are spending more on Defense, which is of no use. To be frank Government should spend some of the budget for educational purposes, so, our country can increase the standards of education and can emulate with other countries.

COMMENTS:
1. Ineffective usage of learnt vocabulary in some sentences.
2. Sentence structure can be improved.
3. Need to put in more facts to make the argument credible.

All the best.
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Thank you so much, will try my best to enhance my writing skills as per your comments.
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Old Friday, October 11, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SPRR View Post

COMMENTS:

1. Definite need of improvement in grammar.
2. Overall, the article fails to apply a compelling argument, leading the reader to believe that it was written in haste.
3. Need to incorporate the usage of 'The', commas and full stops.

All the best.

Thanks once again for taking time to look over my article i will definitely try to work on the mentioned errors.
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please check my essay although i have got this material from another essay posted in the forum but i have learnt it and then re written it in my own way. so kindly, check it and comment
TERRORISM

I. Introduction
II. Causes of terrorism
A. Illetracy
B. Injustice
C. Poverty
D. Food insecurity
E. Madrasshs
F. Unemployement
G. Soviet invasion
H. Iranian revolution
I. Intolerance
J. Extremism
K. Geopolitical location
III. IMPACT OF TERRORISM
A. ECONOMIC LOSS
B. SOCIAL BREAKDOWN
C. PSYCHOLOGICAL DIORDERS
IV MEASURES NEEDED TO CURB TERRORISM
A. National commission
B. Propagation of education
C. Religious integration
D. Employment for youth
E. Dispensation of justice
V . conclusion

Pakistan is plagued with myriad problems, the gravest of them probably being terrorism. it has crippled the economy of the country and deteriorated the social fabric. it has also effected the psychological health of the citizens of the country. Many factors such as poverty, illiteracy, social injustice, madrassas, weakness of government among others have bred terrorism.

Strickly speaking, there is no formal definition of terrorism. however, generally it is defined as the use of violence or threat of violence by individuals or groups, against non combatants, to further their vested interests. As is rightly said “ terrorism is tactic of demanding the impossible and demanding it at gun point”
Illetracy is probably the most significant contributing factor of terrorism. according to the survey conducted, only one out of 5 aged 18-25 is capable of reading and writing and only one out of 20 individuals holds a college degree. with such a bleak picture, it is little wonder that people become vulnerable to the exploiters who use them for terrorist activities.
Pakistan is a developing country and the rate of poverty has escalated in recent times in accordance with limited resources and population explosion.

Due to poverty, people are unable to fulfil their basic requirements including proper meal, medicare, education,proper living etc.the effect of poverty is felt most strongly by the youth. frustrated by their inability to lead a comfortable and desirable life, people often resort to terrorism.

Recent surveys conducted have highlighted the fact, that a large population of the country is food insecure and is unable to afford decent meals for two times a day. it has also been found out that food insecurity is more rampant in tribal areas of khyber paktunkwa and balouchistan. such people are willing to go to any extent including suicides.

Unemployment is on rise. Youth is severely disappointed at the failure of the government to provide employment opportunities to the individuals. Youth, with a surplus of energy and ambition to earn livelihood at every cost is easily exploited by the terrorist organizations. these organizations hire pay the individuals to launch militant attacks and destroy the social life of the country.

In Pakistan, speedy and efficient trials are a mere illusion. justice even if provided is often delayed.just as the common saying goes, justice delayed is justice denied. Hopeless from the courts and juries, people often pick up weapons themselves to avenge matters.

Historically speaking, terrorism developed roots in Pakistan in 1979 following the Russian invasion of Afghanistan. pakistan,in alliance with U.S.A supported Taliban.they were trained in Pakistan and sent to Afghanistan to wage “the holy war”.after the dismemberment of U.S.S.R in 1991, many of these individuals settled in Pakistan and continued their use of violence.

Madrasshs are not a new phenonmenon for a muslim country like Pakistan.however,in the wake of 9/11,they have assumed a new character. instead of advocating lofty islamic principles of peace and tolerance, they teach the young scholars to view people belonging to other religions and even other sects of the same religion as “mushrikeen”. they are often incited to wage jihad against “mushrikeen”.

Islam is a peaceful religion. the word islam itself means “salamati” or “peace”. nevertheless,in recent times, it has gained attention for all the contrary reasons. Quran has stated in clear word “do not aggress- ALLAH is not with the aggresors” People with vested interests use the base of islam to propagate violence. "Islamic law is clearly against terrorism, against any kind of deliberate killing of civilians or similar 'collateral damage.'".They instigate other individuals to adopt their version of jihad and earn eternal bliss. illiterate individuals with little understanding of religion easily fall victim and use violence.

Economic disparity is in rise in Pakistan. Few individuals have hoarded and accumulated wealth. such individuals have maintained their dominance in all the spheres of social and political life.these individuals often suppress “people of lesser god”. consequently, people turn to any religious parties for the redressal of their grievances and become a puppet in their hands.

In recent times, people are getting more and more dissatisfied from the role of government. they often feel they are denied basic human rights, their properties are wrongly confiscated, LEA’s are spineless in character. As a result, they refuse to follow the rule of the land and take law in their own hands as was evident in an incidenct in Karachi where citizens caught burglars and killed them to death refusing police intervention.

Government, too has played its role in allowing terrorism to flourish in the country. under the zia regime, state patronage was given to everything bearing an Islamic emblem. during his period, irrational laws such huddod ordinance and blasphemy laws were enacted.

The role of geostrategic position of Pakistan , too cannot be negated as a contributing factor of terrorism. according to researchers 1979, Iranian revolution has paved way for militancy and extremism in the country. in addition, the porous nature of pak-afghan border has allowed the extremist elements to use it to their advantage. on the eastern side ,Pakistan has decades old animosity with india. This, too has led to rise in extremism.

Israel and india are violating the basic human rights of Palestinians and kashmiris, respectively. From time and again, they have refused to international solutions to the issues.consequently, innocent blood is shed almost on daily basis. propenents of Palestinian and kashmiri cause use Pakistan as a pedestal to attract global attention.

Political instability and lawlessness has also allowed terrorism to develop roots in Pakistan. since her inception, Pakistan has witnessed decades of dictatorial control under the 4 successive martial laws. this has, as a result, led to the failure of establishment of strong political parties. the tug-of war for power between civilian government and martial law has caused the diversion of attention from terrorism to political issues.

Probably, drone strikes are the largest contributers to the unprecedented increase in terrorism.U.S.A,in a bid to destroy the militants and their safe havens in Pakistan, started launching the drone attacks in 2002. nevertheless,the strategy backfired. Affectess of the drone strike, including mutilated and relatives of the killed were filled with anguish. they resorted to terrorism to avenge their loss.

Terrorism has affected each and every aspect of political and social culture. it has stunted the economic growth of the country by posing a threat to every source of revenue generation, manufacturing, tourism, agriculture etc. social life of the citizens has been disturbed by the recurrent terrorist attacks. the society is divided into different sections holding opposite views on political cure to the situation.

Surveys conducted have concluded that agriculture sector has suffered a loss of 20 million rupees.fruit industry of northern areas has been worst-hit. landowners, labourers, farmers, transporters whose livelihood was dependent of fruit industry have all suffered in terms of monetary losses. The contribution of agriculture sector the GDP has also declined from 25.6 % in 1999-2000 to only 21.6% in 2007-2008.the figures corroborate the fact, that terrorism has affected not only agriculture sector of northern areas but also ,all over the country.

Terrorism has also affected manufacturing sector. small and moderate enterprises are the worst-hit.as a result, there contribution to the national economy has also declined severely. according to international quarters, FDI of a country is inversely propotional to the level of terrorism. in Pakistan, unfortunately the terrorist outfits have targeted foreign investors .consequently, the already dismal situation of economy has deteriorated.

In recent times, Pakistan stands at 113 out of 130 countries as a tourist destination. This decline as a tourist choice is the result of increase in terrorism and absence of proper tourist organizations. In by gone days, people from different countries enjoyed travelling to Pakistan. the scenic view coupled with exotic traditions of the local tribes were largely appreciated by the onlookers. however,in recent times this industry has suffered colossal damage.according to the government itself, many tourist hotels in northern areas have closed up and the sector has suffered a loss of 65 million rupees.

apart from the decline in economy, terrorism has also targeted the psychology of civilians. Depression, stress, trauma and other psychological disorders have risen to an unprecedented level.Terrorism is a psychological warfare. Terrorists try to manipulate us and change our behavior by creating fear, uncertainty, and division in society.
Patrick J. Kennedy


victims of the attacks fail to recover and return back to normal life with the fear of more such attacks in future. even normal citizens always remain fearful. terrorists have no specified targets or specified time or place choices.they target any one and every one ,anywhere and everywhere. So much so, that people feel insecure going to mosques or bazaars or even schools.

Pakistan has witnessed the grave consequences of its locations. Even the world at large acknowledges that after Afghanistan, Pakistan has suffered most. The losses have been incurred in terms of physical losses, economic decline, psychological and moral depravity.surveys conducted have confirmed that scores of innocent civilians and military officers have lost their lives in this war against terror.in lieu of the stated situation, now is the time that government should play its role to overcome the menace.

Government should set up a national commission to assess the major causes of the rise in terrorism. this commission should then take all the steps necessary to eradicate terrorism. This commission should highlight the ignominious character of the terrorist organizations and should ensure that the culprits should get due treatment.

As has been already stated, illiteracy is the root cause of terrorism. therefore, government should pay more attention to education sector. This, however, does not implies allocation of more funds only which too is equally important but also addressing the curricula taught.

It is important that tolerance should be propagated in the society. Media, due to its dominant role in society, should come to handy in this matter. through different techniques,it should try to inculcate tolerance and patience in the mass.

Religious organizations should also try to play a positive role. instead of highlighting the segregation between different faiths, they should try to develop harmony and promote peace. Fanaticism and terrorism have no place in Islam.
In the face of terrorism, a united front is one of the strongest weapons.(Virginia foxx)

it is a matter of general awareness, that some religious leaders exploit the sentiments of their faithful and sow seeds of hatred and intolerance in them. Such individuals should be highlighted and their malpractices severely reprimanded.

Youth is the asset of any society. instead of allowing them to go astray,the government should use them to play a conducive role. they should be provided jobs and their abilities should be used to the maximum. government should monitor their activities to prevent them from falling into the wrong hands.

Pakistan has suffered innumerable losses. despite the fact, the country has been pressurized to “do more” and its character always held under suspicion. The world should acknowledge its serious efforts and also assist it in eradication of terrorism.

Terrorism may be classified as either extremism or moderate militants.they should be tackled with respect to their respective types. dialogue is the best way to handle the moderate militants as it would be easy to lead them to a negotiating table. On the contrary, extremist elements cannot be easily talked into. law enforcement agencies should use the best possible measure to handle the extremists, and if nothing seems effective then, coercion may be the only panacea.

Courts should ensure speedy trials. People can only be discouraged from taking law into their hands by ensuring that justice is provided to all. justice should be blind. cheif justice in the recent times has taken some worthy decisions in the dispensation of justice. such a tradition should continue in future as well.

To sum it up, terrorism is one of the most critical issues confronting the very sovereignty and integrity of the country. terrorism started penetrating in the Pakistani society following the invasion of Afghanistan by U.S.S.R. terrorist organizations and terrorism were then provided ample space in the society by the faulty legislation of the country. Multifarious factors have nourished the seeds of terrorism. illiteracy, poverty, unemployment are the leading causes of terrorism. in addition intolerance, in recent times, and religious extremism have also contributed to the steep rise in terrorism. It is imperative that government should take all the necessary steps to curb terrorism.
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Default Peace talks with TTP

Tehreek – e – Taliban Pakistan (TTP) is widely being synonymized with almost every sort of terrorism in Pakistan. This amalgamation of every kind of terrorist under the misnomer of TTP has created an enormous policy confusion for the Government of Pakistan (GoP). The primary policy of the GoP to date is to conciliate with TTP for attaining peace in Pakistan, which is turning out to be a disaster. The sole reason for this disastrous failure is that they aren’t dealing with a consolidated group, instead they are dealing with a bunch of factions with different ideologies and motives. To solve this issue, first and foremost the GoP must try to disintegrate TTP into its original factions, only then they might be able to identify those elements who want to derail the peace process and afflict damage to Pakistan. Unless and until the GoP is unable to identify those elements, they will continuously suffer from the ongoing attacks and violations of peace accords, which won’t bear any fruits.
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