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  #1  
Old Thursday, March 12, 2015
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Default My outline for Essay-2015

The War on Terror has contributed to the growing abuse of Human Rights.

Introduction:
.(Started with) A scene of torture experiment to introduce helplessness in dogs in CIA lab -the same principle was applied in torturing suspects in Guantanamo.(as exposed in recent reports of Prisoners abuse)
. (2nd scene) Operation room in Virginia where Drone pilots targeting someone in Waziristan.
.Introduction

.Body
.Introduction to human rights in light of 1948 deceleration.
.history of human rights abuses.
.Start of war on terror (its roots)
.Soviet in Afghanistan
.Withdrawal of Soviet Union.
.Civil war in Afghanistan and role of Pakistan
.US war in Afghanistan
.US war in Iraq
.US role in Abu-Gharib and human rights abuses in Afghanistan and Pakistan (Including drone attacks).
.Interesting case in Macedonia, they shot around 7 Pakistanis. These were illegal immigrants but shot coldly by showing them as terrorists to score major pentagon points.
.Recent situation in Syria
.Sink-yang (China) Situation
.Situation in Yemen
.Recent crack down on Muslims in France
.Way forward
.Solution to the problem
.Role of USA
.Role of Muslim World
.Conclusion
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  #2  
Old Friday, March 13, 2015
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The first half of your body is totally irrelevant. They have asked something else and you have given something totally different.

The middle part of the body is the only relevant part. I just hope and wish you luck, because I think one cannot prove or disprove in so few an arguments the proposition given in the title.

Lastly, the spelling of the unstable Chinese province is "Xinjiang", though it is pronounced "Sink-yaang".
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cogito Ergo Sum View Post
The first half of your body is totally irrelevant. They have asked something else and you have given something totally different.

The middle part of the body is the only relevant part. I just hope and wish you luck, because I think one cannot prove or disprove in so few an arguments the proposition given in the title.

Lastly, the spelling of the unstable Chinese province is "Xinjiang", though it is pronounced "Sink-yaang".
Can you comment over my essay too please. I did hierarchy tends to rise the employees level of incompetency. Its just above the this post. It will be really appreciated.
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Old Friday, March 13, 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cogito Ergo Sum View Post
The first half of your body is totally irrelevant. They have asked something else and you have given something totally different.

The middle part of the body is the only relevant part. I just hope and wish you luck, because I think one cannot prove or disprove in so few an arguments the proposition given in the title.

Lastly, the spelling of the unstable Chinese province is "Xinjiang", though it is pronounced "Sink-yaang".
Thank You. Cogito Ergo Sum for your reply. Actually in the first part I tried to give a dramatic introduction like I have learned in reading articles of Newyork times. they start with an incident then come to the main topic.

What do you think about this approach?
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Guyz keep one thing embedded in ur minds, in essay you are addressing an issue and no issue can be addressed without doing the cause-impact-remedial analysis. Apart from that, wish you best of luck
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A lot of aspirants have opted "Terrorism" as their essay. In my opinion, when an examiner reads the same thing again and again, he becomes less interested in later papers and awards less marks; points-out more mistakes. Also, some may have written excellent essay on terrorism; stating accurate facts and figures etc. Those, who have written an average essay on the same topic are then overshadowed and likely to get less marks. Plus, many of the aspirants would have gone out of track while mentioning human rights abuse; instead they had written root-causes, origin etc of terrorism. Thus, the terrorism essay may not pass many of the aspirants.
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Old Friday, March 13, 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hasnain zafar View Post
A lot of aspirants have opted "Terrorism" as their essay. In my opinion, when an examiner reads the same thing again and again, he becomes less interested in later papers and awards less marks; points-out more mistakes. Also, some may have written excellent essay on terrorism; stating accurate facts and figures etc. Those, who have written an average essay on the same topic are then overshadowed and likely to get less marks. Plus, many of the aspirants would have gone out of track while mentioning human rights abuse; instead they had written root-causes, origin etc of terrorism. Thus, the terrorism essay may not pass many of the aspirants.
In CE 2014 most of the candidates attempted essay paper on the topic of "Privatizing higher education-generating knowledge or making more money for the opulent". Those who performed average they also passed essay paper and passing ratio in Essay paper was about 50 percent. So it is not necessary that if most of the candidates attempt same topic then failure rate is high.
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Old Friday, March 13, 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamalnasir View Post
In CE 2014 most of the candidates attempted essay paper on the topic of "Privatizing higher education-generating knowledge or making more money for the opulent". Those who performed average they also passed essay paper and passing ratio in Essay paper was about 50 percent. So it is not necessary that if most of the candidates attempt same topic then failure rate is high.
Sir, what do you think about my approach. I started with 2 related incidents like we see e.g in NewYork Times articles. This Introduced the concept, How they are affected till now and what is the way forward.
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Loveu Bartowski, do you see this in my Essay?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xishan View Post
Loveu Bartowski, do you see this in my Essay?
Xishan, there are 4 basic components of an Essay. First you have to identify the issue, i.e. what the issue really is, what problem examiner wants to get resolved. Secondly, you go for the extent of the issue, that how broad the issue is, its scope, area, various facets and probable ramifications. Third you identify the root causes and Fourth includes the recommendations for their solution. Your essay covers somewhat the first, second and fourth portion but you have totally missed the third one, as I already said you can't address an issue until you recognize the root-causes. And here the causes would not be for terrorism but that why War on Terror is resulting in Violation of Human Rights. It would involve the violations from both sides. For the West the probable reasons are their hegemonic designs, still following modern ethos of conflict and not complying with the Post-modern ethos of compromise, their dual standard, islamophobia and xenophobia etc. And as far as the other party is concerned, illiteracy, socio-economic injustices, no participation in decision making process, cultural invasion, extremism etc has added to the problem. And keep one thing in mind, there are multiple ways of passing an essay, you can never limit your scope but atleast your essay should include all the basic elements and should explore major relevant facets.
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