analyse my essay and the marks that i were given for this attempt
 

I have been a critic of fpsc since it announced CSS 2016 result. I was given the marks of irrelevant essay I.e 20 that according to my own perception was injustice with me. I am of the belief that my essay was not checked at all. Please analyse my essay and decide yourself if CSS exam has become a joke


Does foreign aid help to achieve economic stability?
1. Introduction
The role of foreign aid to stabilise, or destabilise, an economy is largely dependent upon the intentions of the donor and character of the recipient state.
Donor intentions: whether strings are attached or not
Recipent character: whether recipient is corrupt or not and how is the governance structure,
Foreign aid has always produced mixed result.
2. Foreign aid a mixed scenario: marshall plan vs aid to Pakistan
Compared marshall plan with aid to Pakistan
3. Evils associated with foreign aid. (examiner inferred by studying this heading that I am not talking about stability or instability rather about something else.)
3.1 insistence by donor to liberalise market
When tariff non-tariff barriers removed, local market of poor states flooded with foreign products. Local products cant compete these products, their consumption lowers down. GDP growth decreases unemployment increases.
3.2 insistence by donor to subside subsidy on agricultural products
When subsidy eliminated, the price of agriculture products jacks up, and they can't compete in international markets. Trade deficit, budget deficit increases. Resultantly lower GDP rate, inflation, unemployment.
3.3 Structural adjustment policies of IMF, WB and loss of human capital.
IMF, WB demand that expenditure on health education must be reduced. This erodes the efficiency of labour.
3.4 free market economy and environmental degradation by MNCs in poor states
When free market, mncs shift their manufacturering units to poor states in order to evade the environmental laws of parent states. There they degrade environment which has serious consequences on economy.
This is a very latest issue and being discussed in sustainable development related conferences
3.5 prone to corruption( corrupt elites in the recipient state)
States are poor because of corrupt elites. Rulers there misuse and abuse foreign aid that result in mounting debt servicing. Debt lead to inflation and unemployment.
4. Proposed reforms in Imf, wb ( proposed by south, g-77 states)
Due to the aforementioned problems poor states in UN have propsed to reforms both the leading lenders and abolish weightage system
5. Benefits of foreign aid
If donor is sincere and recipent is effective; ifcost benefit analysis method is employed, f.aid can be utilised to solve balance of payment crisis. it can be utilised in developmental Projects. Infrastructure development that lead to more revenue more employment.
6. Alternatives to foreign aid.
6.1 broadening tax net.
6.2 adopting austerity measures
6.3 natural resources exploration
6.4 corruption elimination
7. Conclusion

I
Does foreign aid help to achieve economic stability?
1. Introduction
The role of foreign aid to stabilise, or destabilise, an economy is largely dependent upon the intentions of the donor and character of the recipient state.
Donor intentions: whether strings are attached or not
Recipent character: whether recipient is corrupt or not and how is the governance structure,
Foreign aid has always produced mixed result.
[QUOTE] 2. Foreign aid a mixed scenario: marshall plan vs aid to Pakistan [/QUOTE]

irrelvent not needed

Compared marshall plan with aid to Pakistan
3[QUOTE]. Evils associated with foreign aid. (examiner inferred by studying this heading that I am not talking about stability or instability rather about something else.)
3.1 insistence by donor to liberalise market
When tariff non-tariff barriers removed, local market of poor states flooded with foreign products. Local products cant compete these products, their consumption lowers down. GDP growth decreases unemployment increases.
3.2 insistence by donor to subside subsidy on agricultural products
When subsidy eliminated, the price of agriculture products jacks up, and they can't compete in international markets. Trade deficit, budget deficit increases. Resultantly lower GDP rate, inflation, unemployment.
3.3 Structural adjustment policies of IMF, WB and loss of human capital.
IMF, WB demand that expenditure on health education must be reduced. This erodes the efficiency of labour.
3.4 free market economy and environmental degradation by MNCs in poor states
When free market, mncs shift their manufacturering units to poor states in order to evade the environmental laws of parent states. There they degrade environment which has serious consequences on economy.
This is a very latest issue and being discussed in sustainable development related conferences
3.5 prone to corruption( corrupt elites in the recipient state)
States are poor because of corrupt elites. Rulers there misuse and abuse foreign aid that result in mounting debt servicing. Debt lead to inflation and unemployment.[/QUOTE]

Good points

4[QUOTE]. Proposed reforms in Imf, wb ( proposed by south, g-77 states)
Due to the aforementioned problems poor states in UN have propsed to reforms both the leading lenders and abolish weightage system
5. Benefits of foreign aid
If donor is sincere and recipent is effective; ifcost benefit analysis method is employed, f.aid can be utilised to solve balance of payment crisis. it can be utilised in developmental Projects. Infrastructure development that lead to more revenue more employment.
6. Alternatives to foreign aid.
6.1 broadening tax net.
6.2 adopting austerity measures
6.3 natural resources exploration
6.4 corruption elimination
7. Conclusion

[/QUOTE]

Irrelvent ..

I would suggest you to make it outline in question form of such essays.and justify it in main body

[QUOTE=zealot;978518]I would suggest you to make it outline in question form of such essays.and justify it in main body[/QUOTE]

hey boy! Have you ever read four forms of discourse?
marshall plan was a part of narration. And since when giving relative examples have become irrelevant?

suggestions are part of an essay when you say that f.aid has assumed a controversial role then there is no harm in suggesting alternatives.

and regarding your last statement I cant. Say anything

[QUOTE=abbas khan 119;978532]hey boy! Have you ever read four forms of discourse?
marshall plan was a part of narration. And since when giving relative examples have become irrelevant?

suggestions are part of an essay when you say that f.aid has assumed a controversial role then there is no harm in suggesting alternatives.

and regarding your last statement I cant. Say anything[/QUOTE]

Ok bro...then ask to FPSC who awarded you 20 marks...

Dear I'm also awarded 20 marks in essay. I wrote the essay with full economic comparison ranging from far west to east. The simple answers lies in your grammar. Trust me, examiners are more interested in pointing out grammatical fault then material. Maybe our paragraph structure was not according to fpsc baba vision i.e 8 sentences per paragraph. The list goes on and the intelligent are those who point their mistakes and work on them. I'm doing the same so should you. My thesis statement was correct and totally relevant but I don't know why such cruelty. I mentioned HDI of Pakistan,Bangladesh,Turkey and so on. My outline is shared on this forum and tell me where did it lag. I'm disagree with zealot that thesis statement should be on body. InFact thesis statement is the soul of the essay and can be written in introduction. I supported my thesis statement with examples. But, I failed.


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[QUOTE=zealot;978533]Ok bro...then ask to FPSC who awarded you 20 marks...[/QUOTE]

yes i will ask to fpsc who awarded me 20 marks ”9ü8”9ü8

can you not just focus on your studies rather than posting in each and every thread?

[QUOTE=lovereflector;978564]Dear I'm also awarded 20 marks in essay. I wrote the essay with full economic comparison ranging from far west to east. The simple answers lies in your grammar. Trust me, examiners are more interested in pointing out grammatical fault then material. Maybe our paragraph structure was not according to fpsc baba vision i.e 8 sentences per paragraph. The list goes on and the intelligent are those who point their mistakes and work on them. I'm doing the same so should you. My thesis statement was correct and totally relevant but I don't know why such cruelty. I mentioned HDI of Pakistan,Bangladesh,Turkey and so on. My outline is shared on this forum and tell me where did it lag. I'm disagree with zealot that thesis statement should be on body. InFact thesis statement is the soul of the essay and can be written in introduction. I supported my thesis statement with examples. But, I failed.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

English is not at all a problem for me. I have cleared PMS, Tehsildar English paper and AD ministry of defence previously with the same proficiency.

I dont know why they failed you, but I know very well why checker gave me 20: he/she did not read my whole essay Or even introduction. He/she just read outline and assumed it to be irrelevant

I have yet not appeared in CE but I am an aspirant and following CSS from many years. To be honest, this seems to be a very average essay. CSS essay is one of the most frightening things for most students (Even for M.Phil English people). Considering that, one expects a very brilliant essay in order to get passing marks.

But I feel you can improve as you have already done basics right. Moreover, please inform us about the length of essay, approx. number of paragraphs and other details in order to analyze further.

[QUOTE=husseych;978659]I have yet not appeared in CE but I am an aspirant and following CSS from many years. To be honest, this seems to be a very average essay. CSS essay is one of the most frightening things for most students (Even for M.Phil English people). Considering that, one expects a very brilliant essay in order to get passing marks.

But I feel you can improve as you have already done basics right. Moreover, please inform us about the length of essay, approx. number of paragraphs and other details in order to analyze further.[/QUOTE]

I must say lolz. Majority of the aspirants wrote in this essay points that were even distantly not related to the topic still they were given more than 30 marks. Like a few mentioned NGOs, military aid which are not at all a part of budget hence irrelevant.
thanks for the input

[quote=abbas khan 119;978721]i must say lolz. Majority of the aspirants wrote in this essay points that were even distantly not related to the topic still they were given more than 30 marks. Like a few mentioned ngos, military aid which are not at all a part of budget hence irrelevant.
Thanks for the input[/quote]

😁

[QUOTE=abbas khan 119;978638]English is not at all a problem for me. I have cleared PMS, Tehsildar English paper and AD ministry of defence previously with the same proficiency.

I dont know why they failed you, but I know very well why checker gave me 20: he/she did not read my whole essay Or even introduction. He/she just read outline and assumed it to be irrelevant[/QUOTE]



Dear I cleared PMS-15 essay paper when majority was fail in this very paper. But in css, its different ball game. Wow factor is required to pass it.


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Contempary South Asia Christ Candland-Labor, Democratization and Development in India and Pakistan 2008, Read this book, you will understand more, what were the shortcomings of your essay and relevancy of foreign aid is south asia.
P.s Read any good book on foreign aid, you will understand, how much is required of you in css exam.

[QUOTE=plotinium;978849]Contempary South Asia Christ Candland-Labor, Democratization and Development in India and Pakistan 2008, Read this book, you will understand more, what were the shortcomings of your essay and relevancy of foreign aid is south asia.
P.s Read any good book on foreign aid, you will understand, how much is required of you in css exam.[/QUOTE]

Bro, we are not required to write a research paper. Aid is an integral issue of IPE. So i discussed it in the same perspective i.e SAPs, Washington consensus neoliberal agenda etc.

what would be the cut off marks for pms? Mine are 60

@ abbas khan:

I attempted the same essay and got 33.

In my opinion, there are two important aspects in Essay writing:
1. Essay should be written in such a manner that a layman can understand it. 2. The outline of the essay should be crystal clear and self-explanatory. The reader should be able to get your point at the first glance.

I think your essay lacks both these aspects. Your essay was more of a specialized one as you yourself are claiming that the examiner was unable to comprehend your outline.

This is just my opinion. You can disagree with it. And lastly, it all comes down to the one factor called "LUCK"

Best of luck for your future...

[QUOTE=bhgn998;978899]@ abbas khan:

I attempted the same essay and got 33.

In my opinion, there are two important aspects in Essay writing:
1. Essay should be written in such a manner that a layman can understand it. 2. The outline of the essay should be crystal clear and self-explanatory. The reader should be able to get your point at the first glance.

I think your essay lacks both these aspects. Your essay was more of a specialized one as you yourself are claiming that the examiner was unable to comprehend your outline.

This is just my opinion. You can disagree with it. And lastly, it all comes down to the one factor called "LUCK"

Best of luck for your future...[/QUOTE]
you nailed it bro. I did explain it in a layman language but my outline's language was not straight and unfortunately examiner awarded me marks just by reading it

[QUOTE=abbas khan 119;978863]Bro, we are not required to write a research paper. Aid is an integral issue of IPE. So i discussed it in the same perspective i.e SAPs, Washington consensus neoliberal agenda etc.

what would be the cut off marks for pms? Mine are 60[/QUOTE]
There were short coming in your essay. So, I just pointed you in the right direction. They book I quoted is in suggested books of FPSC for Pakistan Affairs.

PMS, mine are 52,zone 4. My guess is between 46-47 cutoff. There were many cheaters in the exam. So, every guess can go upside down.

P.S The implication of foreign aid is not that bad then they are regarded. The state of corruption is the worst disease a country can be in.

Ur expression is gud but there some pints that are irrelevant. U talked about discourse. But you were not asked to write a discourse analysis on foreign aid .

[QUOTE=Qurrat Hashmi;978959][B][COLOR="Red"]Ur[/COLOR][/B] expression is [B][COLOR="red"]gud[/COLOR][/B] but there some pints that are irrelevant. [B][COLOR="red"]U[/COLOR][/B] talked about discourse. But you were not asked to write a discourse analysis on foreign aid .[/QUOTE]

Avoid netspeak in your writing. Read and follow Forum Rules.

The problem is that all the examiners judge your essay by the outline. That's why experts recommend that you spend around one hour to draft a brilliant outline. Rest of the two hours are sufficient for explanation.

[QUOTE=abbas khan 119;978508]I have been a critic of fpsc since it announced CSS 2016 result. I was given the marks of irrelevant essay I.e 20 that according to my own perception was injustice with me. I am of the belief that my essay was not checked at all. Please analyse my essay and decide yourself if CSS exam has become a joke


Does foreign aid help to achieve economic stability?
1. Introduction
The role of foreign aid to stabilise, or destabilise, an economy is largely dependent upon the intentions of the donor and character of the recipient state.
Donor intentions: whether strings are attached or not
Recipent character: whether recipient is corrupt or not and how is the governance structure,
Foreign aid has always produced mixed result.
2. Foreign aid a mixed scenario: marshall plan vs aid to Pakistan
Compared marshall plan with aid to Pakistan
3. Evils associated with foreign aid. (examiner inferred by studying this heading that I am not talking about stability or instability rather about something else.)
3.1 insistence by donor to liberalise market
When tariff non-tariff barriers removed, local market of poor states flooded with foreign products. Local products cant compete these products, their consumption lowers down. GDP growth decreases unemployment increases.
3.2 insistence by donor to subside subsidy on agricultural products
When subsidy eliminated, the price of agriculture products jacks up, and they can't compete in international markets. Trade deficit, budget deficit increases. Resultantly lower GDP rate, inflation, unemployment.
3.3 Structural adjustment policies of IMF, WB and loss of human capital.
IMF, WB demand that expenditure on health education must be reduced. This erodes the efficiency of labour.
3.4 free market economy and environmental degradation by MNCs in poor states
When free market, mncs shift their manufacturering units to poor states in order to evade the environmental laws of parent states. There they degrade environment which has serious consequences on economy.
This is a very latest issue and being discussed in sustainable development related conferences
3.5 prone to corruption( corrupt elites in the recipient state)
States are poor because of corrupt elites. Rulers there misuse and abuse foreign aid that result in mounting debt servicing. Debt lead to inflation and unemployment.
4. Proposed reforms in Imf, wb ( proposed by south, g-77 states)
Due to the aforementioned problems poor states in UN have propsed to reforms both the leading lenders and abolish weightage system
5. Benefits of foreign aid
If donor is sincere and recipent is effective; ifcost benefit analysis method is employed, f.aid can be utilised to solve balance of payment crisis. it can be utilised in developmental Projects. Infrastructure development that lead to more revenue more employment.
6. Alternatives to foreign aid.
6.1 broadening tax net.
6.2 adopting austerity measures
6.3 natural resources exploration
6.4 corruption elimination
7. Conclusion[/QUOTE]
Nice one. I don't know what was missing. Perhaps, simplicity of expression. But again, I kept my essay purposely simple and failed. I got 33 for essay on the same topic.

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[QUOTE=Safeer Ullah;979311]Nice one. I don't know what was missing. Perhaps, simplicity of expression. But again, I kept my essay purposely simple and failed. I got 33 for essay on the same topic.

Sent from my SM-N900 using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

please share your outline

[QUOTE=abbas khan 119;978508]I have been a critic of fpsc since it announced CSS 2016 result. I was given the marks of irrelevant essay I.e 20 that according to my own perception was injustice with me. I am of the belief that my essay was not checked at all. Please analyse my essay and decide yourself if CSS exam has become a joke


Does foreign aid help to achieve economic stability?
1. Introduction
The role of foreign aid to stabilise, or destabilise, an economy is largely dependent upon the intentions of the donor and character of the recipient state.
Donor intentions: whether strings are attached or not
Recipent character: whether recipient is corrupt or not and how is the governance structure,
Foreign aid has always produced mixed result.
2. Foreign aid a mixed scenario: marshall plan vs aid to Pakistan
Compared marshall plan with aid to Pakistan
3. Evils associated with foreign aid. (examiner inferred by studying this heading that I am not talking about stability or instability rather about something else.)
3.1 insistence by donor to liberalise market
When tariff non-tariff barriers removed, local market of poor states flooded with foreign products. Local products cant compete these products, their consumption lowers down. GDP growth decreases unemployment increases.
3.2 insistence by donor to subside subsidy on agricultural products
When subsidy eliminated, the price of agriculture products jacks up, and they can't compete in international markets. Trade deficit, budget deficit increases. Resultantly lower GDP rate, inflation, unemployment.
3.3 Structural adjustment policies of IMF, WB and loss of human capital.
IMF, WB demand that expenditure on health education must be reduced. This erodes the efficiency of labour.
3.4 free market economy and environmental degradation by MNCs in poor states
When free market, mncs shift their manufacturering units to poor states in order to evade the environmental laws of parent states. There they degrade environment which has serious consequences on economy.
This is a very latest issue and being discussed in sustainable development related conferences
3.5 prone to corruption( corrupt elites in the recipient state)
States are poor because of corrupt elites. Rulers there misuse and abuse foreign aid that result in mounting debt servicing. Debt lead to inflation and unemployment.
4. Proposed reforms in Imf, wb ( proposed by south, g-77 states)
Due to the aforementioned problems poor states in UN have propsed to reforms both the leading lenders and abolish weightage system
5. Benefits of foreign aid
If donor is sincere and recipent is effective; ifcost benefit analysis method is employed, f.aid can be utilised to solve balance of payment crisis. it can be utilised in developmental Projects. Infrastructure development that lead to more revenue more employment.
6. Alternatives to foreign aid.
6.1 broadening tax net.
6.2 adopting austerity measures
6.3 natural resources exploration
6.4 corruption elimination
7. Conclusion[/QUOTE]

i personally think, your point 3 and 4 have made you pay the price

[QUOTE=Jabbar Raheem;979375]please share your outline



i personally think, your point 3 and 4 have made you pay the price[/QUOTE]
you are absolutely right. Examiner did not bother to read further because as per his conclusion the essay was irrelevant.
even point was totally relevant not to talk of point three.
Through weightage policy leading industrialised states control imf & world bank. They forumulate policies which are highly tilted in their favour and economically destabilising poor states..

One of my friends attempted the same essay and she got the same marks.

[QUOTE=The Elegent;979450]One of my friends attempted the same essay and she got the same marks.[/QUOTE]

This is what happens when an English lecturer check economy related essay.