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  #111  
Old Sunday, August 18, 2019
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Thank you for your valuable time, I have reattempted the same topic in a different style. I tried much to follow your advice but failed to create any logical scene. Here is another introduction, kindly check whether it is improving or not.

"Democracy is the best revenge" said Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto (Ex- Prime Minister of Pakistan). There are many different evils in societies around the globe. Many of those are directly related to politics and economics. These problems have no concrete solutions except the solutions provided by democracy. Democracy is a system which ensures maximum participation of common citizens in the matters of state. It is considered one of the best forms of government in most developed societies. Those countries which follow democracy in its true sense have gained much benefits from it. On the other hand, there are countries which never adopted democracy, face either political and (or) economic problems. Moreover, repetitive military intervention in politics of Pakistan never allowed flourishing of democracy therefore, there are innumerable political and economic evils in Pakistan.

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  #112  
Old Sunday, August 18, 2019
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Aoa, I have posted an attempt to a question here. I would request active and passive members to please assess and provide valuable feedback for my improvement. Thanks!
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  #113  
Old Monday, August 19, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darwaesh View Post
Thank you for your valuable time, I have reattempted the same topic in a different style. I tried much to follow your advice but failed to create any logical scene. Here is another introduction, kindly check whether it is improving or not.

"Democracy is the best revenge" said Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto (Ex- Prime Minister of Pakistan). There are many different evils in societies around the globe. Many of those are directly related to politics and economics. These problems have no concrete solutions except the solutions provided by democracy. Democracy is a system which ensures maximum participation of common citizens in the matters of state. It is considered one of the best forms of government in most developed societies. Those countries which follow democracy in its true sense have gained much benefits from it. On the other hand, there are countries which never adopted democracy, face either political and (or) economic problems. Moreover, repetitive military intervention in politics of Pakistan never allowed flourishing of democracy therefore, there are innumerable political and economic evils in Pakistan.

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Most definitely an improvement. The only way to get better at writing is to continue writing. There are no shortcuts there. To help you develop a logical sequence to your paragraphs let me give you a little trick; ask questions.

For example let's start with your second line- there are many different evils in societies around the globe. the question that immediately springs to mind is what kind of evils? You have answered that in the very next line so that is good logical flow. Many of those are directly related to politics and economics. the next question that comes to mind is has anyone done anything to solve these? You've answered that as well These problems have no concrete solutions except the solutions provided by democracy. then the logical next questions are-has mankind really tried other solutions and failed? Why would democracy work? What's so special about it? What is democracy anyway? You have answered the last question but have missed the others hence the flow of the paragraph gets broken and you feel like you are going over a speed breaker while reading. Am I making much sense? Tell me if I'm not I'll try to explain it a different way.

Keep practicing using this technique and I'm sure it'll become easier. Adding the quote in the beginning doesn't add much. You could definitely sneak it into the paragraph itself somewhere but putting it right in the beginning raises other questions like What is democracy a revenge against? That isn't really relevant to the discussion.
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  #114  
Old Tuesday, August 20, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aishalam View Post
Most definitely an improvement. The only way to get better at writing is to continue writing. There are no shortcuts there. To help you develop a logical sequence to your paragraphs let me give you a little trick; ask questions.

For example let's start with your second line- there are many different evils in societies around the globe. the question that immediately springs to mind is what kind of evils? You have answered that in the very next line so that is good logical flow. Many of those are directly related to politics and economics. the next question that comes to mind is has anyone done anything to solve these? You've answered that as well These problems have no concrete solutions except the solutions provided by democracy. then the logical next questions are-has mankind really tried other solutions and failed? Why would democracy work? What's so special about it? What is democracy anyway? You have answered the last question but have missed the others hence the flow of the paragraph gets broken and you feel like you are going over a speed breaker while reading. Am I making much sense? Tell me if I'm not I'll try to explain it a different way.

Keep practicing using this technique and I'm sure it'll become easier. Adding the quote in the beginning doesn't add much. You could definitely sneak it into the paragraph itself somewhere but putting it right in the beginning raises other questions like What is democracy a revenge against? That isn't really relevant to the discussion.
Ma'm your suggestions are really helping me in improving my writing. Thank you.

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  #115  
Old Wednesday, August 21, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aishalam View Post
Most definitely an improvement. The only way to get better at writing is to continue writing. There are no shortcuts there. To help you develop a logical sequence to your paragraphs let me give you a little trick; ask questions.

For example let's start with your second line- there are many different evils in societies around the globe. the question that immediately springs to mind is what kind of evils? You have answered that in the very next line so that is good logical flow. Many of those are directly related to politics and economics. the next question that comes to mind is has anyone done anything to solve these? You've answered that as well These problems have no concrete solutions except the solutions provided by democracy. then the logical next questions are-has mankind really tried other solutions and failed? Why would democracy work? What's so special about it? What is democracy anyway? You have answered the last question but have missed the others hence the flow of the paragraph gets broken and you feel like you are going over a speed breaker while reading. Am I making much sense? Tell me if I'm not I'll try to explain it a different way.

Keep practicing using this technique and I'm sure it'll become easier. Adding the quote in the beginning doesn't add much. You could definitely sneak it into the paragraph itself somewhere but putting it right in the beginning raises other questions like What is democracy a revenge against? That isn't really relevant to the discussion.
I loved the logic making trick you shared. MashaAllah
Thankyou!
Jazakallah!
You should start a school and teach this to toddlers. Early on ingrain ho jaen yai topics; they'd be super-humans in their teens.

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  #116  
Old Thursday, August 22, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darwaesh View Post
Ma'm your suggestions are really helping me in improving my writing. Thank you.

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Glad to hear it. Feel free to ask anything if you want, I'm happy to help!
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  #117  
Old Thursday, August 22, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acidius View Post
I loved the logic making trick you shared. MashaAllah
Thankyou!
Jazakallah!
You should start a school and teach this to toddlers. Early on ingrain ho jaen yai topics; they'd be super-humans in their teens.

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Glad you found it interesting and useful.
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  #118  
Old Saturday, August 24, 2019
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Default Please review outline: Artificial Intelligence is a tool, not a threat.

Artificial Intelligence is a tool, not a threat.

Outline

1. Introduction.
Thesis Statement: "AI is a great tool created to ease our lives, not to threaten it."

2. Defining the term "Artificial Intelligence"

3. Artificial Intelligence is a formidable tool for:
- enhancing agriculture.
- buttressing healthcare sector
- imparting quality education.
- correct forecast of weather.
- seeking psychological consultation.
- abating crime.
- improving aerospace technology.
- boosting transportation.
- easing domestic chores.

3. Why AI is prescribed as a threat in some circles ?
- the robotic interpretation of AI, that it will end the human race.
- AI will replace humans in economic sector, thus mass unemployment.
- It will further the economic disparity.
- Its military applications will result in HR violations.
- AI is prone to cyber attacks, thus greater risk.

4. Clarifications of the aforementioned threats:
- AI doesn't mean all-robot scenario.
- new jobs will be created, as witnessed in the past, at the advent of technological advancements.
- HR are violated in very arm conflict; instead AI tools can be used to review and analyse these violations.
- All the tech-giants are united to direct AI in a positive direction

5. Conclusion.
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  #119  
Old Tuesday, August 27, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superman View Post
Artificial Intelligence is a tool, not a threat.

Outline

1. Introduction.
Thesis Statement: "AI is a great tool created to ease our lives, not to threaten it."

2. Defining the term "Artificial Intelligence"

3. Artificial Intelligence is a formidable tool for:
- enhancing agriculture.
- buttressing healthcare sector
- imparting quality education.
- correct forecast of weather.
- seeking psychological consultation.
- abating crime.
- improving aerospace technology.
- boosting transportation.
- easing domestic chores.

3. Why AI is prescribed as a threat in some circles ?
- the robotic interpretation of AI, that it will end the human race.
- AI will replace humans in economic sector, thus mass unemployment.
- It will further the economic disparity.
- Its military applications will result in HR violations.
- AI is prone to cyber attacks, thus greater risk.

4. Clarifications of the aforementioned threats:
- AI doesn't mean all-robot scenario.
- new jobs will be created, as witnessed in the past, at the advent of technological advancements.
- HR are violated in very arm conflict; instead AI tools can be used to review and analyse these violations.
- All the tech-giants are united to direct AI in a positive direction

5. Conclusion.

Brother, nice attempt. You have understood the topic and have placed good effort. There are certain points need to be highlighted:

First, add numbers or alphabetic to sub-headings. they should clearly refer to the main heading.
Second, your ideas are clear but points are bit dis-organized. you need to organize them. For ex, points under 'Heading-4' should be merged with "#3." That would clarify and make logical sequence of ideas. As essay demands logical flow of ideas.
Third, for "a tool, not a threat," 70-30% would be ratio for the such a essay respectively in my view. You can change ratios as per your thoughts.

Rest is fine. If its one of your first attempts then its pretty amazing. Just need to work on organization, headings and sub-headings make them more self-explaining.

Keep asking, Keep your spirit up!
Best Wishes!
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  #120  
Old Friday, August 30, 2019
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Default Critical review is welcomed

Tourism in Pakistan and its contribution to boost the economy
1. Introduction
2. Deterioration of tourism
a. Political turmoil
b. Military junta
c. Terrorism
d. Intricacy of via system
e. Sectarian violence
f. Security blemish
3. Policies for flourishing tourism
a. Tourism summits
b. E-visa system
c. Publicizing of cultural harmony
d. Security amelioration
e. Diplomats role
f. Campaign through social media
g. Involvement of international organization
h. Manual for tourists to explore beauty
i. Participation of private sector
j. Synchronization of central with provincial governments

4. Contribution in economic growth
a. GDP growth
b. Industrial progress
c. International trade uplift
d. Upswing in FDI
e. Employment opportunities
f. Infrastructure enhancement
g. Alleviate poverty
h. Promoting cultural heritage
i. Emerge as top destination in global tourism market
5. Conclusion .
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