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  #141  
Old Monday, September 09, 2019
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Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
Outline

1. Introduction

Thesis Statement: There is an immense role of youth in curbing extremist tendencies from society.

2. What is extremism?

3. Factors driving youth towards extremism

3.1 Misinterpretation of religion
3.2 Political instability
3.3 Economic disparity
3.4 Social injustices
3.5 Poverty and Unemployment
3.6 Foreign agenda

4. Role of youth in rejecting extremism

4.1 Awareness campaign
4.2 Youth engagement programs
4.3 Dialogue among different shades of youth
4.4 Inter-faith debate
4.5 Support for cultural diversity
4.6 Role of young moderate religious scholars

5. Conclusion.
Area highlighted above shows that you have grossly misunderstood the topic. Half portion of your essay is revolving around wrong direction.
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"Tumhary nafs ki qeemat Janat hay isy Janat say kam qeemat pey na bechna."
"Jiyo to istarh ky log tum sy milny ko tarsy; maro to istrah k log tumharee mot par royain"
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  #142  
Old Monday, September 09, 2019
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Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
I am also posting my Introduction to the aforementioned essay. Kindly, check it too and point out mistakes if you find any.

Essay

A youth driven towards extremism is a youth without a clear idea of its values and identity.
_ COAS QAMAR JAWED BAJWA

Given the involvement of educated youths in recent terrorist activities across the world, especially in the West, it becomes obvious that extremism is rapidly increasing among youth segment of society. Even in Pakistan, incidents such as the arrest of university students form Karachi and other parts of the nation in suspect of links with an insurgent group, mob lynching of Mashall khan at the hands of his fellow students and the case of Naureen Laghari, a medical student, who was alleged to have joined the Islamic state (IS), substantiate the entanglement of youth sector in radical activities. This is a colossal loss for countries like Pakistan where education is already dwindling. Under this condition, the role of the youth segment, especially educated ones, is of paramount importance to cope with this threat.
From your introduction, it appears that role of youth has been opposite to the topic i.e. instead of curtailing extremism, youth have promoted it or become part of it. Quoted examples, prove that extremist tendencies are increasing among young generation. If you want to take an stance that young generation has been instrumental in curtailing extremism, you must start with positive examples contrary to your aforementioned examples.
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"Jiyo to istarh ky log tum sy milny ko tarsy; maro to istrah k log tumharee mot par royain"
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  #143  
Old Monday, September 09, 2019
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Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
Yes, i think so. I have started focusing on my writing skills. Kindly check this passage

Role of Media


Nevertheless media, being the fourth estate, is responsible to highlight social dilemmas, and raise its voice for their eradication. However, it has failed to do its job. Few days back, I came across an Indian news channel. The newsman was glorifying the Indian soldiers, and condemning the innocent armless Kashmiris as the militants. In fact this problem is not restricted to the Indian media alone, but the media, in general, is no exception with such sort of prejudices. This also indicates of how media swerves from its real object, and supports other than what is humane and just.
Don't use "I" in essay. It is a blunder.

The para:
Is Not properly punctuated.
Lacks clarity.
Contains multiple grammatical mistakes.
Contains incorrect usage of words.
Is poorly structured.
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"Tumhary nafs ki qeemat Janat hay isy Janat say kam qeemat pey na bechna."
"Jiyo to istarh ky log tum sy milny ko tarsy; maro to istrah k log tumharee mot par royain"
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  #144  
Old Monday, September 09, 2019
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Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
Please suggest me corrections and suggestion.

Emerging power of Artificial intelligence


1. Introduction
2. What is Artificial Intelligence?
3. History of Artificial Intelligence
4. Applications of Artificial Intelligence

i. Automated customer service
ii. Advanced search Engines and social networking websites
iii. Advanced healthcare system
iv. Intelligent data collection and processing in Finance
v. Smart cars and drones
vi. Smart phones
vii. Smart home devices
viii. Security and surveillance
ix. Weather forecasting
x. Face and speech recognition and biometric system
xi. Robotics
xii. Automated manufacturing process

5. Conclusion

With the dawn of 21st century world has moved towards new era of intelligent machines. These intelligent machines are capable to do anything that a human can do. Even these machines are more powerful, less prone to errors and fast in doing tasks. They have replaced humans in repetitive, tedious and complex tasks. Intelligent machines can think, perceive process and make decision based on data they retrieve from their surroundings. This is possible because of the artificial intelligence which has revolutionized the world almost in every field. Self-driving cars on road, drones used in defense and surveillance, smart home devices and interactive security system are the blessings of artificial intelligence. Moreover, artificial intelligence can be noted in advanced healthcare system with sophisticated diagnosis and treatment system. Industries are using artificial intelligence to automate their manufacturing process. Businesses are using artificial intelligence for foresee and get intelligent data prominent for success of business. Artificial intelligence in search engines and social networking websites have made swift access to desired data and people at anytime. Automatic customer support with the help of artificial intelligence has made more trustable services to customers. Artificial intelligence is being used in advertisement to provide ads relevant to users based on their interests and locations. Speech recognition, face recognition and biometric system have made people identifiable. Artificial intelligence in satellites has connected people worldwide and provided access to outer space information.

Please suggest me corrections and suggestion.
First two lines of your introduction contain word "machine(s)" four times. It shows lack of appropriate 'Key Words'. Don't repeat, don't irritate examiner by bombarding him/her with same words. Monotony and repetition will result into loss of audience attention. Be economical and selective in your terminology/vocab (judicious use).

Beauty of AI is "simulation". Your introduction didn't mention "simulation" at all.
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"Tumhary nafs ki qeemat Janat hay isy Janat say kam qeemat pey na bechna."
"Jiyo to istarh ky log tum sy milny ko tarsy; maro to istrah k log tumharee mot par royain"
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  #145  
Old Tuesday, September 10, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
Economic Crises and way forward
1. Introduction
2. Current scenario of economic crises:
a. Huge foreign debt
b. Rising Circular debt
c. Decline of Forex reserves
d. Currency depreciation
e. Industrial depletion
3. Causes of current economic woes:
a. Political instability
b. Ineffective far-sighted economic policies and paradigm
c. Corruption and money laundering
d. Incompetent FBR and ineffective tax collection
e. Illiteracy and absence of skilled education
f. Terrorism and extremism
g. Energy and water crises
4. Effects of economic woes:
a. Growing poverty
b. High inflation
c. Unemployment
d. Deplorable healthcare
5. Way forward to overcome economic woes:
a. Termination and downsizing of declining government institutions
b. Reforms in Financial institutions
c. Curtailing corruption and money laundering
d. Change of currency notes
e. Reform in FBR and Tax collection policies
f. Promotion of mutual trade and industrial uprising
g. Invest in Research and development and skilled education
h. Fixing energy and water crises
i. Land reform - Division of land
j. Agricultural reforms to enhance productivity
k. Promotion of tourism
l. Exploration of natural resources
6. Conclusion



Economy is the life and blood of any country for its survival in the long run. Unfortunately, Pakistan has been facing grave economic woes for last six decades. Heavy foreign debt, fiscal deficit, trade deficit, current, devaluation of rupee and significant shrink in FDI are the challenges that the country has to face with. Political instability and absence of structured and far-sighted economic policies have ruined the economic potential of Pakistan. Besides, rampant corruption and money laundering remained grave challenges to restrict the economic growth of the country. Moreover, illiteracy, terrorism, extremism and energy crises have further rusted the machinery of countryís economic development. Consequently, it engendered a vicious cycle of poverty, inflation and unemployment. However, these financial woes can be fixed and countryís crippling economy can be stabilized through far-sighted and sustainable policies and reforms .Serious steps need to be taken such as wiping out the corruption and money laundering, curbing terrorism, bringing FDI, effective tax collection mechanism, reducing imports and increasing exports, bilateral trade with strategic partners, industrial advancement, agricultural reforms, promoting tourism and curtailing additional expenditures.


Suggestions are welcome
Topic is not about Pakistan's economic crisis. Edit the topic to align it with your given outline.

Besides, re-think on highlighted words / terms which require correct usage/placement.

Don't mix different concepts in one sentence, maintain their sequence according to their relevance. Some concepts are overlapping.
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"Tumhary nafs ki qeemat Janat hay isy Janat say kam qeemat pey na bechna."
"Jiyo to istarh ky log tum sy milny ko tarsy; maro to istrah k log tumharee mot par royain"
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  #146  
Old Tuesday, September 10, 2019
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Originally Posted by azam shahzad View Post
Education System of Pakistan
1.Introduction
2.Importance of education
i.Education is necessary for socio-economical development.
ii.The foundation of every state is education of its youth .
iii.Education must be the first priority of every nation.
iv. Education without experiment is just a waste of time.
3.Pakistan Education Problems
i.Poverty
ii.Gender disparity
iii.Political interference.
iv.Old techniques and lecture methods.
v.Terrorism and Madrassah's
vi.No equity in course content.
vii.Lack of funds.
viii.Lack of proactive planning .
ix.Theoretical Knowledge.
4.SUGGESTIONS
i.New schemes for poor families.
ii.No gender discrimination.
iii.High budget share for Education.
iv.Implementation of unique course content.
v.Political stability.
5.Conclusion

Seniors please check this outline.It is my first try...
This is the most common topic. Your attempt should be equally competing otherwise you won't impress the examiner. Remember, education, woman and similar topics are very common topics. Candidates tend to prepare such topics as their first priority. Therefore, examiner will be reviewing lot of stuff on such essays. Unique /distinguishing material will impress the examiner, whereas, average attempt will not fetch even passing marks.

You outline is not aligned with the topic.
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"Tumhary nafs ki qeemat Janat hay isy Janat say kam qeemat pey na bechna."
"Jiyo to istarh ky log tum sy milny ko tarsy; maro to istrah k log tumharee mot par royain"
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  #147  
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Highest result of education is tolerance .



1 ) Introduction



Outline



2) How education ensures tolerance



2.1 ) purpose of education is to succeed in life that requires a lot of time and patience



2.2) Failure is often part of life only continuous efforts can turn it into fruitful results which needs tolerance



2.3) Education highlights the flaws created by intolerance and disadvantages attached to it



2.4) The aim of education is character building and tolerance is one of the major element for good character



2.5) Education promotes discipline in the life and it cannot be achieved without patience



2.6) Tolerance is the best way to avoid conflicts and ensure peace that is priority of education



2.7) knowledge encourages to follow the rule of law and patience is key factor to it



2.8 ) One of the goal of education is to spread love and affection and it is not possible without tolerance



2.9) literacy injects sense of patriotism and patience plays a vital role in this regard





3) why education and tolerance both are prerequisite for Pakistanís progress and prosperity



3a) Role of education in Pakistan's development



a1) higher literacy rate will strengthen the democratic institutions of Pakistan



a2) Diversified education will help abundantly Pakistan in job creation and poverty alleviation



a3) knowledge highlights the value of human rights and gender equality



a4) Education will help in controlling rampant growing population of Pakistan.



a5) It will enable Pakistan to control the increasing economic crisis and ensure economic development



3b) How tolerance will make Pakistan a peaceful Nation



b1) Tolerance discourages every form of violence in the country



b2) Patience boost up love and affection between people



b3) Tolerant people will always distance from extremism and sectarianism



b4) Tolerance can makes the society disciplined and law abiding citizens





4) Conclusion





Introduction

Education is not only limited to knowledge, it is diversified term that has influence on our entire matters of life . Tolerance is best outcome of education . Both education and tolerance play crucial role in human development. These two decide the success and failure of men. Education helps in achieving the goals of life whereas as tolerance plays a vital role in character building. Education expresses the knowledge while patience helps in executing it . Both of these complements each other . Today, world has reached at highest point of scientific knowledge and this process is still continuous. Even having knowledge of all inventions scientists faced failure numerous times . But they continued their experiments patiently which brought fruitful results of their hard work. Thomas Edison, a renowned scientist , who had invented dozens of items . While inventing bulb he carried out many experiments patiently than achieved the desired result . Today , Pakistan is facing many socio-economic problems. In addition, the country is still facing issues in establishing successful democracy . If, Pakistan wants to progress and prosperity it needs to educate its masses and equip them with tolerance. Knowledge and patience are solution of almost all prevailing problems of the world. Universe can be most beautiful and peaceful place if Nations and its citizens acquire the knowledge and adopt patience in matters of life.






Madam Aisha plz check my essay if possible

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  #148  
Old Thursday, September 12, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sedentary View Post
Highest result of education is tolerance .

1 ) Introduction

Outline

2) How education ensures tolerance

2.1 ) purpose of education is to succeed in life that requires a lot of time and patience

2.2) Failure is often part of life only continuous efforts can turn it into fruitful results which needs tolerance

2.3) Education highlights the flaws created by intolerance and disadvantages attached to it

2.4) The aim of education is character building and tolerance is one of the major element for good character

2.5) Education promotes discipline in the life and it cannot be achieved without patience

2.6) Tolerance is the best way to avoid conflicts and ensure peace that is priority of education

2.7) knowledge encourages to follow the rule of law and patience is key factor to it

2.8 ) One of the goal of education is to spread love and affection and it is not possible without tolerance

2.9) literacy injects sense of patriotism and patience plays a vital role in this regard


3) why education and tolerance both are prerequisite for Pakistan’s progress and prosperity

3a) Role of education in Pakistan's development

a1) higher literacy rate will strengthen the democratic institutions of Pakistan

a2) Diversified education will help abundantly Pakistan in job creation and poverty alleviation

a3) knowledge highlights the value of human rights and gender equality

a4) Education will help in controlling rampant growing population of Pakistan.

a5) It will enable Pakistan to control the increasing economic crisis and ensure economic development

3b) How tolerance will make Pakistan a peaceful Nation

b1) Tolerance discourages every form of violence in the country

b2) Patience boost up love and affection between people

b3) Tolerant people will always distance from extremism and sectarianism

b4) Tolerance can makes the society disciplined and law abiding citizens

4) Conclusion





Introduction

Education is not only limited to knowledge, it is diversified term that has influence on our entire matters of life . Tolerance is best outcome of education . Both education and tolerance play crucial role in human development. These two decide the success and failure of men. Education helps in achieving the goals of life whereas as tolerance plays a vital role in character building. Education expresses the knowledge while patience helps in executing it . Both of these complements each other . Today, world has reached at highest point of scientific knowledge and this process is still continuous. Even having knowledge of all inventions scientists faced failure numerous times . But they continued their experiments patiently which brought fruitful results of their hard work. Thomas Edison, a renowned scientist , who had invented dozens of items . While inventing bulb he carried out many experiments patiently than achieved the desired result . Today , Pakistan is facing many socio-economic problems. In addition, the country is still facing issues in establishing successful democracy . If, Pakistan wants to progress and prosperity it needs to educate its masses and equip them with tolerance. Knowledge and patience are solution of almost all prevailing problems of the world. Universe can be most beautiful and peaceful place if Nations and its citizens acquire the knowledge and adopt patience in matters of life.



Madam Aisha plz check my essay if possible

Sent from my CPH1823 using Tapatalk
Hello! Apologies for the late response. Let's get right into it; the formatting is much improved but it still lacks consistency; the sub-levels of 2 are 2.1, 2.2... and for 3 are 3a, 3b.... Chose one and stick with it. Also another thing I will point out is to remove the "outline" title from after the introduction point.

The topic is highest results of education is tolerance. The first question that immediately springs to mind is; what are the other results of education? a very small section dedicated to that aspect could lend some completeness to the outline. Moving on to your points;

2) How education ensures tolerance Try to use as much of the title wordings as possible. You could rephrase this as "how tolerance is a result of education?" or something similar. Your phrasing isn't wrong, it is just proper to refer back to the original topic wordings as often as possible to reinforce the idea.
2.1 )purpose of education is to succeed in life that requires a lot of time and patience very ambiguous. Patience is not equal to tolerance even if they are synonyms. They are two different traits. Tolerance is not related to time at all.
2.2) Failure is often part of life only continuous efforts can turn it into fruitful results which needs tolerance Again you are confusing the two terms of patience and tolerance. Rather confusing resilience and tolerance here.
2.3) Education highlights the flaws created by intolerance and disadvantages attached to it Okay point. A bit weak in argumentation.
2.4) The aim of education is character building and tolerance is one of the major element for good character Okay point.
2.5) Education promotes discipline in the life and it cannot be achieved without patience Again neither patience nor discipline are TOLERANCE.
2.6) Tolerance is the best way to avoid conflicts and ensure peace that is priority of education Is it? Educational institutions are probably the powder keg of all unrest and disorder since they not only are the birthplaces of many radical ideas but are also means to indoctrinate others. So peace and conflict avoidance are rarely on any priority lists for the educational sector.
2.7) knowledge encourages to follow the rule of law and patience is key factor to it again patience is not tolerance but the rule of law point is okay.
2.8 ) One of the goal of education is to spread love and affection and it is not possible without tolerance Doubt if it is an explicit goal of education. You are mixing cause and effect here.
2.9) literacy injects sense of patriotism and patience plays a vital role in this regard This is in fact sort of a counter-argument to the topic. Blind patriotic spirit can make people fairly intolerant towards other nations/races who were historically against them. For example; our Pak studies books paint the Hindus of pre-partition India as scheming monsters and hence today we have an ingrained hatred towards them. Yes, we can disagree with their policies and actions but irrationally hating an entire nation for things done by people nearly A CENTURY ago is the peak of intolerance.


I feel you have not actually understood what exactly the topic implies. Tolerance can be a result of quite a few aspects of the education sector like;
-When we enter school, we come into contact with people outside of our family/caste and we interact with those children daily building in us an understanding of the other way of lives and hence promoting a tolerant outlook.
-History and Literature can help us understand how people of other eras, time periods and cultures live but it also makes us realize that we all have shared common human emotions. This builds empathy and tolerance. (for example, just give books from Jane Austen a read and you will feel like she was talking about a Pakistani social life today rather than 18th century rural England-same mama looking for eligible matches for their daughters, same daughters chaffing under the binds of society and so on and so forth. Another example is Shakespeare-read and understood all over the world 400 years after they were set because human emotions and desires stay much the same across time and cultures.)
-Through promotion and inculcation of values such as cooperation and being happy in other people's successes in school work/assignments can promote tolerance as well.
-Education makes us capable of accessing and understanding different narratives (especially political) and hence makes us less likely to be narrow-minded, racist and intolerant.


You need to completely rewrite this portion of the outline and since this is the heart of it. I shall wait for a re-edit to start commenting on the parts after this.

Here are a few links that i think might help you get a grasp of the topic better; https://www.esu-online.org/?policy=s...sive-societies (from the EU's pov but still very relevant to us), https://www.theguardian.com/educatio...-and-tolerance, https://hamariweb.com/articles/80670 (definitely recommend reading this. It has several excellent points)
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  #149  
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Thank you so much mam Aisha for your valuable feedback and kindness

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  #150  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darwaesh View Post
"HIGHEST RESULT OF EDUCATION IS TOLERANCE"

I. Introduction
II. How knowledge promotes tolerance in a society?
A. It provides awareness about;
a. Future consequences
of actions, and
b. dangers of intolerance.
B. It gives meaning and purpose
to life through;
a. philosophy,
b. art, and
c. literature.
i. Keats
ii. Shelley
iii. Shah A.
Latif Bhitai
C. It makes a man;
a. Decent,
b. Sensible, and
c. Civilised
D. It promotes;
a. Peace,
b. Justice,
c. Equality, and
d. Brotherhood.
E. It unifies humanity as it
generates ideas in mind
against discrimination on the
basis of;
a. Caste,
b. Creed,
c. Religion, and
d. Race.
F. History teaches as to advocate
Peace with such examples of;
a. The Trojan war,
b. The crusades,
c. Intolerance of religious
demagogues during the
Dark Ages,
d. Sectarianism and
downfall of Islam, and
e. The Darfur issue.
G. Psychology advocates
tolerance as it helps man to
understand;
a. Human behavior, and
b. The psychological
issues or diseases.
H. The knowledge of gender
studies provides insight about;
a. Tolerance to empower
woman, and
b. Encourage gender
equality and discourage
gender based violence.
I. Inventions and discoveries help
in raising human tolerance level;
a. Health sciences
reduced,
i. Diseases,
ii. Infant
mortality rate
iii. Vis a vis
improved
human health
b. Engineering Sciences;
i. Transport,
ii.Communication
c. Information and technology
i. Media, and
ii. Connectedness.
III) Conclusion.


It is a common trend around the globe that people spend couple of decades in educational institutions. Many of them do not know the real essence of education. Knowledge remains useless information unless it is followed by one and applied properly to one's life. The highest result of education is tolerance as the quality of tolerance is acquired only by those who are educated in a true sense. Highly educated people are they who are possess the quality of tolerance. Today, people or nations which are developed, not only because they have worked hard but also because they have the quality to tolerate issues and problems and they kept moving on with all the problems in their past life. A disaster like the US attacked Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs was an intolerable event for the subsequent generations, but even then the upcoming generations raised their level of tolerance with the help of education. Resultantly, Japan, a small nation of few islands have become the economic giant of the twenty first century.

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