Let's prepare Essays - Page 16

Astute · #**151** Thursday, September 12, 2019

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raz

This is the most common topic. Your attempt should be equally competing otherwise you won't impress the examiner. Remember, education, woman and similar topics are very common topics. Candidates tend to prepare such topics as their first priority. Therefore, examiner will be reviewing lot of stuff on such essays. Unique /distinguishing material will impress the examiner, whereas, average attempt will not fetch even passing marks.

You outline is not aligned with the topic.

Raz Sir, It's so good to see you back on this forum. People like you bring a semblance of authenticity to this forum.

Mahnoor Iftekhar · #**152** Friday, September 13, 2019

Outline

Thesis Statement:
" Personalization of Politics in Pakistan and its effects on the nation."

Introduction
Concept of Personalization of politics
Reasons
a) Disorted journey of democrarcy
b) Disrespect of Merit
c) Weak Political parties
d) Lack of democratic culture
e) Poverty
f) Illiteracy
g) Corruption
h) Lack of accountability
i) Involvement of criminal elements
j) Strong hold of feudalism
k) Military interference in Politics
L) Ineffectiveness of constitution

Effects:
a) Bad governance
b) Leadership Vacuum
c) Martial laws
d) Lack of vision
e) Hurts national unity

Solutions:
a) Accountability
b) Spread of education
c) Effective election process
d) Improvement of election commission
e) Awareness through media
f)Strict implementation of political parties act
g) Involvement of youth in the politics

Conclusion

aishalam · #**153** Friday, September 13, 2019

Quote:

Originally Posted by darwaesh

"HIGHEST RESULT OF EDUCATION IS TOLERANCE"

I. Introduction
II. How knowledge promotes tolerance in a society?
A. It provides awareness about;
a. Future consequences
of actions, and
b. dangers of intolerance.
B. It gives meaning and purpose
to life through;
a. philosophy,
b. art, and
c. literature.
i. Keats
ii. Shelley
iii. Shah A.
Latif Bhitai
C. It makes a man;
a. Decent,
b. Sensible, and
c. Civilised
D. It promotes;
a. Peace,
b. Justice,
c. Equality, and
d. Brotherhood.
E. It unifies humanity as it
generates ideas in mind
against discrimination on the
basis of;
a. Caste,
b. Creed,
c. Religion, and
d. Race.
F. History teaches as to advocate
Peace with such examples of;
a. The Trojan war,
b. The crusades,
c. Intolerance of religious
demagogues during the
Dark Ages,
d. Sectarianism and
downfall of Islam, and
e. The Darfur issue.
G. Psychology advocates
tolerance as it helps man to
understand;
a. Human behavior, and
b. The psychological
issues or diseases.
H. The knowledge of gender
studies provides insight about;
a. Tolerance to empower
woman, and
b. Encourage gender
equality and discourage
gender based violence.
I. Inventions and discoveries help
in raising human tolerance level;
a. Health sciences
reduced,
i. Diseases,
ii. Infant
mortality rate
iii. Vis a vis
improved
human health
b. Engineering Sciences;
i. Transport,
ii.Communication
c. Information and technology
i. Media, and
ii. Connectedness.
III) Conclusion.

It is a common trend around the globe that people spend couple of decades in educational institutions. Many of them do not know the real essence of education. Knowledge remains useless information unless it is followed by one and applied properly to one's life. The highest result of education is tolerance as the quality of tolerance is acquired only by those who are educated in a true sense. Highly educated people are they who are possess the quality of tolerance. Today, people or nations which are developed, not only because they have worked hard but also because they have the quality to tolerate issues and problems and they kept moving on with all the problems in their past life. A disaster like the US attacked Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs was an intolerable event for the subsequent generations, but even then the upcoming generations raised their level of tolerance with the help of education. Resultantly, Japan, a small nation of few islands have become the economic giant of the twenty first century.

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Hello! First of all the general structure of the essay is pretty good since you have given all of your focus to one part of the topic and stuck with it. The outline could have been lent some more completeness by adding very small portions on what the other results of education are besides tolerance (since the topic seems to imply that there are more results but tolerance is the "highest"), why is tolerance important for peaceful and prosperous societies, and how can we make our education system more conducive for tolerance and empathy building. These sections would be very very short with only a few (or no) sub-points and could come just before the conclusion so that the examiner sees that you understand the topic from all angles not just the HOW, but also the WHY.

Let's get to the individual arguments;
II. How knowledge promotes tolerance in a society?
A. It provides awareness about; Very solid point. Could be elaborated a bit more. Education also raises awareness about how other people/cultures live, how political narratives are formulated to create misleading us-them scenerios, the legal rights and duties that are due onto us etc etc. These are additional sub-points. The ones you have are also very good.
a. Future consequences
of actions, and
b. dangers of intolerance.
B. It gives meaning and purpose
to life through; Good point but philosophy is a little shaky to include here since historically the only thing philosophy has been good for is creating a good deal of disharmony and prejudice, but art and literature are excellent by-products of a well-rounded education that can promote tolerance.
a. philosophy,
b. art, and
c. literature.
i. Keats
ii. Shelley
iii. Shah A.
Latif Bhitai
C. It makes a man; Okay point. Rather than it use "education". I know these characteristics make one more inclined towards tolerance but make that explicit link in the wording of the arguments.
a. Decent,
b. Sensible, and
c. Civilised
D. It promotes; This seems a bit irrelevant since some of these are either by-products of tolerance or are unrelated. They also do not explain HOW education promotes tolerance.
a. Peace,
b. Justice,
c. Equality, and
d. Brotherhood.
E. It unifies humanity as it
generates ideas in mind
against discrimination on the
basis of; HOW does education generate those ideas? That is the point you are trying to make through these arguments and you are not linking back to it very well. through coming into direct contact with school mates from different backgrounds and also through learning and reading about how other people live.
a. Caste,
b. Creed,
c. Religion, and
d. Race.
F. History teaches as to advocate
Peace with such examples of; Good point also Trojan war is not a historical event. It could well have been made up.
a. The Trojan war,
b. The crusades,
c. Intolerance of religious
demagogues during the
Dark Ages,
d. Sectarianism and
downfall of Islam, and
e. The Darfur issue.
G. Psychology advocates
tolerance as it helps man to
understand; add "studying psychology..." so that the reference to education becomes clearer also very good point.
a. Human behavior, and
b. The psychological
issues or diseases.
H. The knowledge of gender
studies provides insight about; Good point. Very specific.
a. Tolerance to empower
woman, and
b. Encourage gender
equality and discourage
gender based violence.
I. Inventions and discoveries help
in raising human tolerance level; Good point for the speed of communication portion but for health science the link for tolerance needs to be made more clear.
a. Health sciences
reduced,
i. Diseases,
ii. Infant
mortality rate
iii. Vis a vis
improved
human health
b. Engineering Sciences;
i. Transport,
ii.Communication
c. Information and technology
i. Media, and
ii. Connectedness.

It is a common trend around the globe that people spend couple of decades in educational institutions. (good general statement to start it off) Many of them(who?Add some details now) do not know the real essence of education. Knowledge remains useless information unless it is followed by one(unclear statement. Create more vivid imagery) and applied properly to one's life. The highest result of education is tolerance as the quality of tolerance is acquired only by those who are educated in a true sense. (the second half of this sentence could be split into a second one and made more clear. Currently it is a little confusing.) Highly educated people are they(those) who are(remove are) possess the quality of tolerance. Today, people or nations which(remove which. It is redundant) are developed, not only because they have worked hard but also because they have the quality to tolerate issues and problems and they kept moving on with all the problems in their past life.(unnecessary part. Could be removed.) A disaster like the US attacked Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs was an intolerable event for the subsequent generations, but even then the upcoming generations raised their level of tolerance with the help of education.(this is a run-on line. Split the sentence into smaller sentences to create more impact and clarity) Reluctantly, Japan, a small nation of few islands have become the economic giant of the twenty first century. (and after this? What statistics do you have that Japan employed education to have a more tolerant outlook? That is a pretty bold claim. Back it up with something. Also the paragraph just ends abruptly. Introduction paragraphs should end with a thesis statement which briefly outline in one (or two) sentences what this following essay is going to be about and what aspects it is going to cover.)

Overall a very good attempt. Keep the few pointers in mind and keep practicing so that creating thorough outlines on any topic becomes easier and you can do it faster. It is not necessarily about content, it is about making solid arguments to support whatever point you are trying to make. Those connections in your brain require training and that comes through practice. So keep at it. Hope the comments helped.

Mahnoor Iftekhar · #**154** Friday, September 13, 2019

can anyone help me in this

Mahnoor Iftekhar · #**155** Friday, September 13, 2019

review my outline on personalization of politics in pakistan

Sedentary · #**156** Friday, September 13, 2019

EDUCATION IS NOT SCHOOLING

1) Introduction

Outline

2) How education is different than schooling

2.1) Learning does not depend upon School

- learning can be made from practices

- experience teaches a lot

- persistent practice makes learned

2.2) Education is complete code of life whereas schools educate particular subjects

- character

- respect

- tolerance

- humanity

2.3) Mother is first and best teacher for learning which requires no schooling to transfer knowledge

2.4) Many greatest scientists and inventors are not production of schooling
2.5) Numerous aspirants are competing without attending any formal institutions

2.6) Art of handling different tasks is an education that requires no schooling

- great businessmen

- experienced managers

- wise people facilitate with good ideas

3) Schooling is best platform to acquire education

3.1) It entertains with all educational facilities under one roof

- knowledge

- discipline

- character building

3.2) It is the place where brilliant minds are produced to bring innovations in the world

3.3) It provides platform for social interaction and cultural exchange

3.4) Schooling promotes positivity while discourages ne negativity

3.5) Schools provide diversified knowledge and training
3.6) It is source of job creation and poverty alleviation

3.7) Schooling helps in strengthening socio- economic and political development

3.8) In classrooms healthy competitions are initiated

- beneficial

- infuses hard work

- efficiency and effectiveness

3.9) Institutions research on different aspects of life in future

- future planning

- anticipating risks

- improvements in existing environment

4) Education is the only solution of Pakistan's existing crisis

4.1) It will strengthen democracy

4.2) Education will bring gender equality in the society

4.3) It will help in job creation and poverty reduction

4.4) Higher literacy rate can be helpful in eradication of different kinds of evils
terrorism

- extremism

- crimes

4.5) Education will ensure socio-economic development of Pakistan

5 Conclusion

Education is not only limited to knowledge. It can be concluded as complete code of life. It can be

availed from anybody, anywhere at any time. Therefore, schooling is not only education, yet schools are

the best place for acquiring it. Education is complete package of knowledge, character, discipline and

humanity. Only education has potential to transform the entire life. It forces men to isolate itself from

all possible negativities .It enlightens right path. Many guiding lights of the globe had these features

without having any formal institutional education. Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison are one of them .

They had changed the history of mankind. On the other hand , Schooling is essential in this

contemporary world to get education. It guarantees progress and prosperity of the Nations . Infact

Pakistan is facing numerous challenges internally and externally . Only education is the way forward for

Pakistan to come out of these crisis and compete in the modern world . So, education has become

obligatory for the survival in current time. It should be availed to live a happy and better life

Madam Aisha plzzz give your valuable remarks
Thanks for your kindness

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darwaesh · #**157** Saturday, September 14, 2019

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mahnoor Iftekhar

review my outline on personalization of politics in pakistan

Your thesis statement is weak and you have not mentioned party politics as well as various political systems around the globe. Overall, outline is fine.

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The dream of rain · #**158** Saturday, September 14, 2019

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mahnoor Iftekhar

Outline

Thesis Statement:
" Personalization of Politics in Pakistan and its effects on the nation."

Introduction
Concept of Personalization of politics
Reasons
a) Disorted journey of democrarcy
b) Disrespect of Merit
c) Weak Political parties
d) Lack of democratic culture
e) Poverty
f) Illiteracy
g) Corruption
h) Lack of accountability
i) Involvement of criminal elements
j) Strong hold of feudalism
k) Military interference in Politics
L) Ineffectiveness of constitution

Effects:
a) Bad governance
b) Leadership Vacuum
c) Martial laws
d) Lack of vision
e) Hurts national unity

Solutions:
a) Accountability
b) Spread of education
c) Effective election process
d) Improvement of election commission
e) Awareness through media
f)Strict implementation of political parties act
g) Involvement of youth in the politics

Conclusion

First, your thesis statement is not strong. Need to work on it. try to rephrase it.

Second, since you have mentioned "effects" in thesis statement, so your outline must emphasize that also. You have focused more on "reasons." Try to create balance in the outline. Add more "effects."

Third, "ineffectiveness of constitution" is a serious blow to the essay. Avoid such expressions. Bcz constitution is never ineffective, it is political parties/people who encroach upon constitutional rights.
3a and 3d are similar, ring any bells?

fourth, give numbers to the headings and sub-headings. make the outline more clear, for ex:
1. Intro.
2.concept of personalization...
3.Reasons for personalization...
a.
b.
c.
and so on...

Fifth, some points in the reasons and solutions do not make sense to me. Try to make heading self-explanatory.

Sixth, overall it looked there is a lack of concept clarity. Try to read & research more about the topic.

P.S. If its your first attempt then surely its good attempt. Keep it up! Keep growing!
Hope it helps.

yasint · #**159** Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Globalization is eliminating the culture of underdeveloped countries:

1) Introduction:
Thesis statement: Cultural values of third world is under threat by globalization in the guise of westernization. Moreover, latest wave of globalization has further intensified this transformation
2) Making sense of globalization:
a) conceptualization of globalization
b) Three waves of globalization: European Expansion (1450-1850), European Entrenchment (1850-1945), Contemporary globalization (after 1960).
3) Manifestation of globalization: Is globalization a westernization?
a) Manifestation of globalization: global village, transnational social movement, economic intensification etc.
b) Gorge Ritzer’s thesis: McDonaldization of Society
c) Americanization and westernization of culture
d) Realists’, constructivists’ and Marxists’ stance on globalization
4) Understanding of cultural values:
a) Relation between culture and civilization
b) Culture is an extensive term inclusive of socio-legal values, moral values, customs and traditions, heritage, environment, history, ideology, ethnic values, religion.
c) Jeremy Rifkin’s exposition of culture
d) Samuel Huntington’s definition of culture
5) Is globalization eliminating the culture of underdeveloped countries:
Yes, globalization is undermining cultural values of third word as evident from arguments given below:
a) Hegemony of transnational liberal movement give priority to economics over values
b) Transforming non-western societies into a world of wage-earing work
c) Local ethic cultures of third world is being dissolved into so called cosmopolitan culture
d) Agonistic culture of western is spreading secularism in third world
e) Political culture of third world is being challenged by western democracy
f) Linguistic culture is in danger under globalization
g) Western wave of feminism under globalization is badly affecting the family culture of third world
h) Globalization is promoting moral standards derided by third world
i) Economic globalization is distressing the societal culture e.g. affecting farmers etc.
j) Legal culture has been imposed on third world by globalization of western legal culture
k) Environmental threat to third world by globalization has its aftermaths for societal culture of the same.
l) Capitalism under globalization promotes consumerism in contrast to moderate life style of third world
m) Community values of third world are under threat with the emerging concept of individualism by west under globalization
n) Pop culture under globalization is eliminating the arts and heritage of third world
6) Repercussions of undermining of cultural diversity of third world:
Aftermaths itself represent the scenario in which globalization is eliminating the culture of underdeveloped state.
a) Terrorism against first world: End of History thesis is retorted by Clash of civilization thesis.
b) Emergence of hatred against first world as apprehended by Benjamin Barber in McWorld and Jihad
c) Violence against world institutions as against WTO in Seattle
d) Hinders progress of third world’s civilization
e) Economic and social crisis- Russian social crisis and Asian crisis
f) Anarchy-unrest and distrust- at global level
7) Why is the culture of third world is under threat in globalized world?
a) Uneven globalization
b) Asymmetrical globalization
c) Globalization is westernization
d) Economic and technological superiority of West
e) Heterogenous culture of third world and homogenous First world
f) Colonial and neo-colonial form of world order
8) How can globalization be best managed to accommodate cultural diversity? And how can cultural be promoted?
If “Pluralism” exists, the global order will be maintained.
a) The UNGA should put concerted efforts towards the formation New International Order which ought to be culturally sensitive
b) International institutions’ legislations should be revisited and must accommodate pluralism
c) International Network for Cultural Diversity (INCD) suggests that regionalism should be strengthen on the basis of cultural values like EU for European values
d) INCD also recommends that governments should not enter into any agreement which constraints cultural diversity
e) Cultural values should be promoted through arts, literature, film and TV

9) Conclusion:

yasint · #**160** Thursday, September 19, 2019

any comment on above post??

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The Following User Says Thank You to Astute For This Useful Post:
Raz (Saturday, November 16, 2019)

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