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  #61  
Old Tuesday, June 25, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
Respect for diversity can lead to unity in nation (Essay paper PMS- 2019)

1. Introduction

Thesis statement: maintenance of diversity helps establish unity in nation.

2. Defining the concept

3. Scope of diversity

3.1 Its scope in the light of Islam

3.2 Its scope in the light of UN Charter

3.3 diversity and constitution of Pakistan

4. Different diverse groups present in nation

4.1 linguistic and cultural groups

4.2 various ethnicities

4.3 religious and sectarian groups

4.4 several political parties with dissent ideology

5. Respect for diversity can lead to unity in nation because:

5.1 diversity promotes equality of diverse groups

5.2 diversity strengthens centre-province relations

5.3 diversity leads to innovation in the different fields

5.4 diversity ensures human rights

5.5 diversity empowers women

5.6 diversity helps the survival of endangered languages and cultures

5.7 diversity promotes peace and tolerance in nation

6. Conclusion.



Essay



Diversity plays a crucial role in building any nation. The presence of various forms of creatures shows that diversity is the core of nature. Its scope is obvious from the fact that Islam values it for national integration by emphasizing equality of all people. The UN Charter makes it obligatory on nations to preserve this natural principle. Several constitutional obligations in the Constitution of Pakistan also champion for respect of diversity to ensure a united nation. Diversity in a nation is promoted through different groups. Its maintenance in the country is necessary to eliminate discrimination. It strengthens centre-province relations by ensure provincial autonomy. Through diverse ideas, it develops creativity in the various sectors of the state. In addition to this, it ensures human rights, and empowers women to strengthen the nation. By preserving endangered languages and cultures, it also curtails the shrinking role of the oppressed in national development. Besides, it helps shape inclusive policies that lead to a peaceful and tolerant nation.



Note: I have spent two days in making outline and intro. Still, i think some changes are required. Please analyze it and be free to criticize.
I like your outline. Improvement is evident.

Suggestion: Make two outlines for every topic.

Your thesis statement was,

maintenance of diversity helps establish unity in nation.

Now make a thesis statement,

maintenance of diversity DOESN'T help establish unity in nation.

And make another outline according to it.

This approach is helpful in building better arguments.

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  #62  
Old Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aamish Bhatti View Post
I like your outline. Improvement is evident.

Suggestion: Make two outlines for every topic.

Your thesis statement was,

maintenance of diversity helps establish unity in nation.

Now make a thesis statement,

maintenance of diversity DOESN'T help establish unity in nation.

And make another outline according to it.

This approach is helpful in building better arguments.

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Thanks bhai for your appreciations and suggestions.
I have revised my essay. I will try to make a reverse outline too as you say. But, one thing can i go against this topic because it is asking nothing about it like agree or disagree?
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  #63  
Old Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Default Please check my attempt ( 2nd and revised)

Respect for diversity can lead to unity in nation (Essay paper PMS- 2019)

1. Introduction
Thesis statement: maintenance of diversity helps establish unity in nation.
2. Defining the concept
3. Different groups present in nation that promote diversity
3.1 linguistic and cultural groups
3.2 various ethnicities
3.3 religious and sectarian groups
3.4 several political parties with dissent ideology
4. Respect for diversity can lead to unity in nation because:
4.1 diversity ensures national integration by promoting equality of diverse groups
4.2 diversity strengthens centre-province relations through provincial autonomy
4.3 diversity leads to innovation in the different fields
4.4 diversity increases role of minorities in national progress
4.5 diversity eliminates gender discrimination by empowering women
4.6 diversity helps the survival of endangered languages and cultures
4.7 diversity promotes peace and tolerance in nation
5. Conclusion.

Essay

Diversity is the core of nature. It helps maintain unity in a nation. Every nation has different groups such as linguistic, ethnic, religious, to name just a few that promote multiculturalism. They play a crucial role in building their country. This provides that respect of diversity can ensure national integration, because it emphasizes equality of all people. It strengthens centre-province relations by ensuring provincial autonomy. Through diverse ideas, it develops creativity in the various sectors of the state. In addition to this, it increases the role minorities, and empowers women to strengthen national progress. By preserving endangered languages and cultures, it also curtails the shrinking role of the oppressed in national development. Besides, it helps shape inclusive policies that eliminate discrimination and lead to a peaceful and tolerant nation.
Note: I have revised my Essay by keeping suggestions of members. I hope this time i have worked up to the mark. Still, be free to criticize.
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  #64  
Old Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Originally Posted by The dream of rain View Post
Climate change: A myth or reality

1. Introduction.
2. What is Climate change?
3. Climate change: a reality, how:
a. Rise in global temperature.
b. Extreme weather conditions.
c. Changing weather patterns.
d. Warming oceans.

4. Causes of climate change:
a. Fossil fuel burning.
b. Industrialization.
c. Transportation.
d. De-forestation.

5. Impacts of climate change:
a. Agricultural devastation.
b. Food insecurity.
c. Glacial meltdown
d. Extinction of species.

6. Remedial measures:
a. Reducing emissions.
b. Reforestation.
c. Educate farmers.
d. Shift of approach:Reactive to proactive.

7. Conclusion.

Changing climate is serious threat to the world than any other threat that existed before. Although, it is a natural phenomenon that reoccur after centuries. The climate change today is nothing but a human induced phenomenon. Therefore, 'climate change is a reality.' It no longer remains a myth in the history. One can present such an argument on the grounds of rising global temperature, extreme weather, changing seasonal patterns. However, considering the causes, it is caused by burning fossil fuels, industrialization and deforestation, to name a few. As said, climate change is a threat, therefore, it devastate agriculture, engenders food insecurity, glacial meltdown and manifest other impacts. Thus, it can be mitigated by reducing Green house gases emissions, planting more trees, educating farmers and shifting approach.

Criticism is welcomed.
Thanks!
My thoughts:
1. Warming oceans or rising oceans level
2. extend causes, impacts and suggestions they are main areas
3. also, include emissions of toxic gases in cause part and depletion of ozone layer in impact
4. Although, it is a natural phenomenon that reoccur after centuries. The climate change today is nothing but a human induced phenomenon. Is this grammatically correct. I doubt either use but before" the climate change" or combine both the sentences
5. However, considering the causes........ I dont think you need to write here however. you should rewrite your intro and outline. I hope you understand.
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  #65  
Old Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Default Democracy ANd illiteracy do not go together

Quote:
Originally Posted by shahidbabar View Post
Democracy ANd illiteracy do not go together.

Introduction
I) illiteracy leads to mass poverty which deters democracy.
2) illiterate societies are engulfed in the feudal system and caste system which is against the principle of democracy.
3) illiterate societies deny women their right to vote. This is against the norm of democracy.
4) least focus on human development by political leaders is also against the value of democracy.
5) Absence of knowledge about constitutional rights and duties among illiterate masses also lead to the decline of democracy.
6) Media plays a role as an agenda setter in illiterate society. this also deters democracy.
7 the elements of religious extremism is High in illiterate societies which also leads to the decline of democracy.
8) the elements of accountability and transparency are least followed. This lead towards corruption. Resultantly, deters democracy.
Conclusion.
My opinion:
1- You need to follow rule of making outline. Give a proper numbering
Like this

1-Introduction
2-How Democracy and illiteracy do not go together?
a) illiteracy leads to mass poverty which deters democracy.
b) illiterate societies are engulfed in the feudal system and caste system which is against the principle of democracy.
c) illiterate societies deny women their right to vote. This is against the norm of democracy.
d) least focus on human development by political leaders is also against the value of democracy.
e) Absence of knowledge about constitutional rights and duties among illiterate masses also lead to the decline of democracy.
f) Media plays a role as an agenda setter in illiterate society. this also deters democracy.
g) the elements of religious extremism is High in illiterate societies which also leads to the decline of democracy.
h) the elements of accountability and transparency are least followed. This lead towards corruption. Resultantly, deters democracy.
3- Conclusion.


2- illiteracy(First letter of outline item must be capital)
3- Write items of outline in short sentences or in few words.
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  #66  
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Default How to make thesis statement?

Thesis statement for Gender Equity is myth or reality?.

Despite the fact that Pakistan has elected a woman twice as the Prime Minister, gender equality in the every arena is still a distant dream for a vast majority of women, who are not even allowed to cast their votes and live as per their wills in many parts of the country.

If you have better thesis statement then please post
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  #67  
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Thank you, sister, one of my essay teacher told me that in argumentative essays, one can go without making main heads: as I did. Moreover, he told me that in an argumentative essay, sentences are also acceptable. I believe, maybe I am wrong, my sentences are not that long or short,
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  #68  
Old Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Default

.
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  #69  
Old Wednesday, June 26, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez View Post
My thoughts:
1. Warming oceans or rising oceans level
2. extend causes, impacts and suggestions they are main areas
3. also, include emissions of toxic gases in cause part and depletion of ozone layer in impact
4. Although, it is a natural phenomenon that reoccur after centuries. The climate change today is nothing but a human induced phenomenon. Is this grammatically correct. I doubt either use but before" the climate change" or combine both the sentences
5. However, considering the causes........ I dont think you need to write here however. you should rewrite your intro and outline. I hope you understand.
Brother, Thank you for reviewing my effort. I appreciate your views.
1. First, its warming oceans. Meaning, oceans are warming up due to climate change. Whereas, "rising ocean level" i have mentioned in effects.

2. second, emission of GHG is right point that u have raised.

4. "Although," grammatically, is usually followed by comma (,) joining another sentence. Or one can use full stop (.) and start other sentence. It is never followed by "but." my point can be strengthened by reviewing Past papers sentence correction part.

5. I used "however" bcz i was placing another contrasting sentence. you might now "however" is used when u r changing thoughts, esp., that contradict.
example: i was talking about evidences of climate change, therefore, sudden change of thoughts,i.e., jump to causes, require connector.

6. Thanks. Btw, why other members of the post are not reviewing? I guess, due to my disagreements. Even the "translation" thread started by "the person" seems to receive no review. But, i formally offer my stance that such disagreements are progress.
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  #70  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saba Arif View Post
My opinion:
1- You need to follow rule of making outline. Give a proper numbering
Like this

1-Introduction
2-How Democracy and illiteracy do not go together?
a) illiteracy leads to mass poverty which deters democracy.
b) illiterate societies are engulfed in the feudal system and caste system which is against the principle of democracy.
c) illiterate societies deny women their right to vote. This is against the norm of democracy.
d) least focus on human development by political leaders is also against the value of democracy.
e) Absence of knowledge about constitutional rights and duties among illiterate masses also lead to the decline of democracy.
f) Media plays a role as an agenda setter in illiterate society. this also deters democracy.
g) the elements of religious extremism is High in illiterate societies which also leads to the decline of democracy.
h) the elements of accountability and transparency are least followed. This lead towards corruption. Resultantly, deters democracy.
3- Conclusion.


2- illiteracy(First letter of outline item must be capital)
3- Write items of outline in short sentences or in few words.

you need to address both aspects of the topic; how poverty is detrimental for democracy and how democracy helps in eradicating poverty.
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