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View Poll Results: what marks will you give this essay | |||
10 | 2 | 7.69% | |
9.5 | 1 | 3.85% | |
9 | 2 | 7.69% | |
8.5 | 1 | 3.85% | |
8 | 2 | 7.69% | |
7.5 | 2 | 7.69% | |
7 | 2 | 7.69% | |
6.5 | 2 | 7.69% | |
6 | 2 | 7.69% | |
5 | 10 | 38.46% | |
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll |
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#11
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i think that would be his general point.....it will not be related to u further more if he ll read ur post....he'll definitely clarify wt he meant regards |
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Sarah shah (Saturday, January 30, 2010) |
#12
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Dear arbab.danish
I was simply expressing my apprehensions, and that is why I always post a disclaimer in the end, I am always worried that how my comments will be perceived by others, and anyone who disagrees can simply ignore my feedback. The whole purpose of posting an essay online is to get feedback, a feedback most focus on the good and the bad points, I always aim to provide a balanced feedback, my aim is never to discourage anyone. As far as the comment in question, no offence was taken. As you rightly said that one should be careful in criticizing others as people might take it in negative manner, I was simply stating that anyone who gets offended by my feedback should completely ignore it or point out the flaws in my feedback rather than intimidating me in anyway because I have experienced it in the past. |
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rishzzz (Saturday, January 30, 2010), Sarah shah (Saturday, January 30, 2010) |
#13
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@vicky
dear i have observed that you are very good at english. So if u dont mind wud you further rectify and highlight my problems check my precis here i ll try to keep on posting and give me recommendations and suggestions freely without even thinking wt i ll feel czi ll appreciate it thanx http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compu...tml#post166263 n i ll try to post another essay by correcting my mistakes soon
__________________
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” |
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Sarah shah (Saturday, January 30, 2010) |
#14
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Well the basic structure of an essay should be:
Ever since the inception of Pakistan, the trust deficit has always existed between the provinces due to the imbalance in power, after the sad departure of Qauid-e-azam, a political vacum was created, and as a direct result of the power vacum, power become concentrated in the hands of few Punjabi elitists. Other provinces such as NWFP and Baluchistan were deeply neglected by the elitist group, therefore, the negelected provinces edged dangerously towards underdevelopment, which translated into backwardness and extreme poverty. Conditions such as poverty, lack of oppurtunities and ignorance, all by-products of underdevelopment are precisely the root causes of extremism........ I have attempted to write a paragpraph, which I would use it as my opening argument due to chronoligical importance, I would like to believe that my paragrapgh is coherrent as each sentence further elaborates the previous point. Coherrence is vital when attempting essays or any question to PAK AFFAIRS, CURRENT AFFAIRS, ISLAMIYAT ETC ETC. You can further develop the essay by pointing the military takeovers by and the impact it has had on Pakistan and how the tragedy was further intensified by the dictators, Zia and his stance to support USA against soviet union, and the impact it had on taliban when USA and Pakistan completely abandoned the regime, and did not take part in rebuliding process. You can further elaborate by mentioning corruption, increase in poverty due to bad governance in the past, they are direct by-products of abusive and incompetent regimes. In a nutshell, all I am trying to say that follow a chronological order, and point out the signifigance of each event which has made the problem of islamic extremism worse. I don't think I need to further explain the conclusion part of the essay as it is fairly obvious and straightforward, your introduction is good, it is the middle body of the essay which needs repairing(according to me) As I keep saying, I am merely expressing my own opinion, If anybody wants to criticize my approach then please do it in a constructive manner. Thanks, Last edited by Andrew Dufresne; Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 07:57 AM. Reason: Kindly avoid using red color |
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RAKSHAN (Sunday, January 31, 2010), rishzzz (Saturday, January 30, 2010), Sarah shah (Saturday, January 30, 2010) |
#15
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I.a u ll find next one bit productive. Suggestions are always welcomed
__________________
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rishzzz For This Useful Post: | ||
RAKSHAN (Sunday, January 31, 2010), Sarah shah (Saturday, January 30, 2010) |
#16
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my humble comments
Quote:
__________________
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings. |
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rishzzz (Saturday, January 30, 2010), Sarah shah (Monday, February 01, 2010) |
#17
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There are some positive points and some lacking areas in your essay.
1st. you have to work hard on your outline.Introducation should be first paragraph of ur essay with logic starting.Try to keep small sentences and clauses in writing essay.
2nd, some grammitcal mistakes have identified like which is used instead of "that". 3rd. Try to be proactive and poistive about your country even in a failur situation. you should show your bright expectations regarding this world phenomena in the essay. 4th. There have been many factors that became causes to extremism since independence This line is full of ambiguity. which independence? reader dont know anything...u r telling him. 5th.spells which have participated ...(spells that have participated) is better or u can add , with which. 6th.The interpretation of Ulemas has disturbed the harmony in which Islam was being taught, observed, preached, and learnt. is line ke samajh he nahi lag rahi..which interpretation? 7th.The concurrent list has yet to be abolished due to which its is reluctant to be seen any provincial autonomy. again structure mistake... 8th, you used passive sentences too much. 9th.Your conculsion is not up to the mark.The reason is in the last prargraph should me nutshell of your all discussion. and dont leave end of your essay in tag questions. 10th. Recommendations are missing. The best thing of ur essay it is good first attempt. and second thing u mention quotations in your essay...but still need comprehensive approach towards essay writing.. Regards!!! sorry ager koi baat buri lagi hu...
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A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success. |
#18
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@rishzz
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky786 Well the basic structure of an essay should be: Introduction Arguments Conclusion As far as the main body is concerned, always give a chronological account, you can start by saying: Ever since the inception of Pakistan, the trust deficit has always existed between the provinces due to the imbalance in power, after the sad departure of Qauid-e-azam, a political vacum was created, and as a direct result of the power vacum, power become concentrated in the hands of few Punjabi elitists. Other provinces such as NWFP and Baluchistan were deeply neglected by the elitist group, therefore, the negelected provinces edged dangerously towards underdevelopment, which translated into backwardness and extreme poverty. Conditions such as poverty, lack of oppurtunities and ignorance, all by-products of underdevelopment are precisely the root causes of extremism........ I have attempted to write a paragpraph, which I would use it as my opening argument due to chronoligical importance, I would like to believe that my paragrapgh is coherrent as each sentence further elaborates the previous point. Coherrence is vital when attempting essays or any question to PAK AFFAIRS, CURRENT AFFAIRS, ISLAMIYAT ETC ETC. I completely agree with vicky786. the main purpose of the essay is to articulate your knowledge to examiner in chronological order coupled with excellent english. as for as english is concerned , i dont find any flaws in your language.you need to work on presenting your knowledge in sequential order. secondly , optimistic approach should be adopted. |
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rishzzz (Saturday, January 30, 2010) |
#19
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Thanks a lot that u found time for me.....i really appreciate that n learnt a lot of mistakes which i will not make for the next time inshallah
The outline factor you told, i used to make a detailed outline with 5,6 headings and 3,4 sub headings each but some seniors told me that its quite an immature activity that you explain everything in outline and didnt leave any interest with the reader, so i went with this outline.....ok i ll add sub headings I had the details with me regarding history of taliban, cold war, and extremism in pakistani areas and other parts of world and causes in detail but due to time factor i cud not write them despite having a healthy knowledge as i have prepared these topics separately for Current affairs...... Thanx again
__________________
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” |
The Following User Says Thank You to rishzzz For This Useful Post: | ||
Sarah shah (Wednesday, February 03, 2010) |
#20
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but recommendations i have made in 2nd last para as solutions.....and yes its my usual miostake i use passive sentences in my spken very frequently, thanx No i dont mind anything i rather encourage you to guide me more....i ll be obliged
__________________
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” |
The Following User Says Thank You to rishzzz For This Useful Post: | ||
Sarah shah (Monday, February 01, 2010) |
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