Please check this essay : Modernization not Westernization

[xavier]

Modernization not Westernization

The idea of being modern is not a fancy new fad. For centuries, the youth have been adapting modernism be it in clothes, food, trends or lifestyles. The generations of our parents were well-dressed, well-groomed and fashionable; their old snaps prove it too. They would adopt the latest trends but would not deviate from their cultural norms. The result was that at that time anyone could seldom attach words like ‘vulgar’ and ‘obscene to the symbols of modernism that they courted.
Things seem to be changing now. Generation gap has always been there but it was never as wide as it is today. There is a world of a difference between the lifestyles of today’s youth and that of young people a few decades ago. From dressing to food, from language to accent and from communication to transport, everything has experienced much more advancement. Not much time has passed when postmen and bullock carts, for instance, were a common sight. One couldn’t, out of his wildest imagination, think of actually coming across a ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ teenager, receiving an e-mail or having canned food for dinner. Such things were just heard of, not seen.
But during the past few years, it seems that things have actually taken a 180 degree turn. Modernism is no more considered a healthy term by many as with the idea of being modern is attached the concept of being western. With the drift of globalization have arrived trends that are vehemently against our eastern traditions and values. We indeed have proved ourselves in science and technology but when it comes to morality, cultural values and respect for elders, we have not fared well.
With modernism are attached torn stone-wash jeans hanging down from the hips, lousy T-shirts with silly slogans, gelled and spiked untwined hair, aping of western pop singing and sleek and trendy cigarette-smoking girlfriends who call you ‘yar’. As far as girls are concerned, to them the meaning of modernism is none other than wearing caprice pants accompanied with short T-shirts exposing the midriff, high heels with pointed toes and trendy hair dyed in strange colors. These adolescents are apolitical animals having no roots in tradition. They are aliens to this society and its cultural norms. Many resent and challenge parental authority and are innately unconcerned about anything beyond themselves and their ‘cool friends’ circles.
In elite schools young students converse in English and speak Urdu with great difficulty. But the bitter fact is that they are not good at English grammar either. English, rather than a language of knowledge, has become a symbol of modernism. In our country English language has little to do with seminars, research work, libraries and dissertations. All that matters is your accent that’s it. If you are speaking a grammatically incorrect sentence in British/ American accent, you are supposed to be modern and up-to-date with the requirements of the modern (read: western) world.
The sad fact is that we tend to adopt only the negative aspects of western society and ignore the positive ones. If they go for skimpy clothing, we start exposing our bodies too. If they don’t obey their parents, we start crooning “parents just don’t understand…”. We are well aware of the western fashion, movies and music and follow the same but when it comes to technological advancements, we behave as lazy slogs that only enjoy the latest gadgets but never try to apply their minds to making a better or even similar one at home.
I believe that the eastern culture is one of the richest cultures around the globe. Our dresses like sari, shalwar kameez and dupatta, our desi food, our classical music and our moral ethics are as good as jeans-jacket, burgers or pop singing. But the west never adopts anything from our great eastern civilization. However, we are madly following their culture which is opposed to our traditions. We may live in a modern age but some things should never change. And if they do, the result is very destructive. We seem to have lost awareness of our responsibilities and have failed to follow the path set by our values. It’s time to decide and what is wrong. It’s time to value our eastern traditions and stop following unkempt western society blindly; and it’s time to understand the true meaning of modernization and isolate it from westernization. For after all, modernization is necessary for survival in the world but westernization is not.

[KAWISH]

aoa after a cursory look at your essay i found it all impressive and convincing.you can add more arguments regarding technalogy.moreover adding few qoutes would make it more attractive.
whats the length of your essay?it seems short,nonetheless its a very good effort
regards

[armaghan_arif]

Essay must be impersonal: never use I,we you etc in your essay, secondly your essay looks shorter in length and lastly try to make it more analytical by adding more arguments and explaining the causes that compel eastern people to follow western culture. However, it was a good effort thanx and remmember me in ur prayers

[kamran_shaikh]

this essay contains around 858words.However, for CSS the limit is of 2500to 3000 words....Well, essay is written nicely..
Regards

[rishzzz]

Modernization not Westernization

The idea of being modern is not a fancy new fad. For centuries, the youth have been adapting modernism be it in clothes, food, trends or lifestyles. The generations of our parents were well-dressed, well-groomed and fashionable; their old snaps prove it too. They would adopt the latest trends but would not deviate from their cultural norms. The result was that at that time anyone could seldom attach words like ‘vulgar’ and ‘obscene to the symbols of modernism that they courted.

introductory para must be full of arguments and it must be impressive not just with ideas but with reasonable length of an essay as well, here you were short of reasonable length

Things seem to be changing now. Generation gap has always been there but it was never as wide as it is today. There is a world of a difference between the lifestyles of today’s youth and that of young people a few decades ago. From dressing to food, from language to accent and from communication to transport, everything has experienced much more advancement. Not much time has passed when postmen and bullock carts, for instance, were a common sight. One couldn’t, out of his wildest imagination, think of actually coming across a ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ teenager, receiving an e-mail or having canned food for dinner. Such things were just heard of, not seen.
But during the past few years, it seems that things have actually taken a 180 degree turn. Modernism is no more considered a healthy term by many as with the idea of being modern is attached the concept of being western. With the drift of globalization have arrived trends that are vehemently against our eastern traditions and values. We indeed have proved ourselves in science and technology but when it comes to morality, cultural values and respect for elders, we have not fared well.

good approach towards grammar...

With modernism are attached torn stone-wash jeans hanging down from the hips, lousy T-shirts with silly slogans, gelled and spiked untwined hair, aping of western pop singing and sleek and trendy cigarette-smoking girlfriends who call you ‘yar’. As far as girls are concerned, to them the meaning of modernism is none other than wearing caprice pants accompanied with short T-shirts exposing the midriff, high heels with pointed toes and trendy hair dyed in strange colors. These adolescents are apolitical animals having no roots in tradition. They are aliens to this society and its cultural norms. Many resent and challenge parental authority and are innately unconcerned about anything beyond themselves and their ‘cool friends’ circles.

impressive sketch of modern dress code

In elite schools young students converse in English and speak Urdu with great difficulty. But the bitter fact is that they are not good at English grammar either. English, rather than a language of knowledge, has become a symbol of modernism. In our country English language has little to do with seminars, research work, libraries and dissertations. All that matters is your accent that’s it. If you are speaking a grammatically incorrect sentence in British/ American accent, you are supposed to be modern and up-to-date with the requirements of the modern (read: western) world.

it must have been in a bit more detailed comparison, you were going gud, y did u take pause...

The sad fact is that we tend to adopt only the negative aspects of western society and ignore the positive ones. If they go for skimpy clothing, we start exposing our bodies too. If they don’t obey their parents, we start crooning “parents just don’t understand…”. We are well aware of the western fashion, movies and music and follow the same but when it comes to technological advancements, we behave as lazy slogs that only enjoy the latest gadgets but never try to apply their minds to making a better or even similar one at home.

Don't go in writing as slang and free as you go while speaking, cz examiner can be annoyed by your independence, though ideas are laudable.

I believe that the eastern culture is one of the richest cultures around the globe. Our dresses like sari, shalwar kameez and dupatta, our desi food, our classical music and our moral ethics are as good as jeans-jacket, burgers or pop singing. But the west never adopts anything from our great eastern civilization. However, we are madly following their culture which is opposed to our traditions. We may live in a modern age but some things should never change. And if they do, the result is very destructive. We seem to have lost awareness of our responsibilities and have failed to follow the path set by our values. It’s time to decide and what is wrong. It’s time to value our eastern traditions and stop following unkempt western society blindly; and it’s time to understand the true meaning of modernization and isolate it from westernization. For after all, modernization is necessary for survival in the world but westernization is not.

I, YOU, WE pleaze avoid em, you ll be punished by marks if you did it in exam, and the conclusion must be an impressive one without adding any new idea but just summerizing intellectually the rest of material...

the above underlined portion needs anothr look, and rest i ve mentioned where you lacked maturity

Comments!
dear you are good at grammar and your vision and thoughtfulness can give you a better future....but try to understand the required style of examiner, don't go that independent in writing....
2ndly, you need to work on your introduction and conclusion because they are the soul of an essay and you didnt pay much heed attention over them.
Enlarge your paras and give one thought in one para with length by relevent arguments and loaded examples....

You have a very positive point of grammar and expression, Practice is needed, so keep it up and best of luck