how are we better than our fore fathers...keenly waiting for your checking

[doli]

How are we better than our fore fathers?

Out line

Technologically
.internet..
.communication
.media
Religiously
. Religion in new ways of universality
.condemning of extreme bent of religious fanatics
Economically
. free market economy.. more job opportunities
. Vast banking system,
.International financing services....
Scientifically
. space sciences... men have reached moon, and are trying to explore other planets
.Mind sciences, social sciences, Meta physical sciences, psychology
(artificial heart transplantation, hair transplantation, face surgery and so on)
. Atomic power and annihilation threat to whole human specie..
Socially
.New platforms, face book, intercultural exchanges
.Freedom to broadcast your voice
.Entertainment

How are we better than our fore fathers?


Day before Yesterday a mother got weepy when she wanted to see the face of her son, yesterday she weeps having son’s photo in hands and today she can get a smile after clicking a button for video conferences.

This world is moving toward more development since its inception. Long days before people were living in caves and eating raw foods. When stone era moved forward then wooden homes cam and cooked food. Wooden era passed and semi developed era came; people became educated and followed many philosophies. Many years philosophical era, a developed era came and people reached the moon. Now we are in super developed era and moving towards exploration of new worlds. While getting a visible big edge on our fore fathers we got help of numerous branches of knowledge tree. These adding branches are technology, science, religion, economics, entertainment, social empowerment and many more. Growth of these areas of knowledge helps us to make our life considerably better than our fore fathers. One can say Our Fore fathers were better than their fore fathers and we our better than both.
Our developed world is the major fruit of technological development. Just before some centuries, a story became super hit that was the story of Ilaf lela. Ilaf lella was a story in which hero communicate to his heron having a virtual meeting in air. The story got highly famous because people amazed by the impossibility of airy visual communication. Inetrnat, is the real existence of that imaginary hero today. People can communicate,watch,write,read,learn,play and search instantly on the internat.All most all the knowledge of the world is present in the store room of internate,limitless,distanceless,most fastest and most developed symbol of technology up till now.

Communication, Letter took half a month to reach second corner of the same country. Patience of the receiver was inexpressible painful experience while waiting for the letter of any loved one. Often message was post time or expired caused tremendous loss, emotionally, economically and morally. Having access to telephone, fax, telegram, wirless, satlite and mobile made that painful wait a pleasurable feeling to get message on time and without wait.

Media, no check and balance on the crime and misconduct of powerful. Poor was the only victim of all laws, rules and exploitation. Now if the president of super power has a scandal with any female it turns into a trial. Media, not only an invisible hand to control the torrent of corruption of big floods it also give power to powerless streams to flow in the right path. Human rights, female rights, children rights and labour rights were some of the dark corner which are lime lighted by media of the day.

Religiously, when fore father started thinking about his existence then philosophies came that made fore fathers philosophers. Further, Divine religions gave the real definition of human and informed human about the secrets of universe that made fore fathers religious. Subsequently Scientific revolution shaded the clear picture of religion; he started believing on science and looses the focus on religion. Now we have balance of science and religion. As religion become the focal point of all school of thoughts firstly because scientist themselves proving the scientific theories wrong secondly science becomes the way to reveal the secrets of nature already told by the GOD.
Religion was either sideline or politically used by our fore fathers. As the case of USA colonization, where catholic and Protestants were at war with each other. Afghanistan, a region always used as a war field on the name of religion. Israel captured the native land of Palestine on the name of religion by claiming Jerusalem only their religious place. Now religious openly under discussion and people consider it a code of peaceful life not code of bloodshed. Religious fanatics are present in all religion and highly condemned by all the followers of religions.

Economically, fore fathers were hostages of limited opportunities. A large number of mans were compel to do the agriculture, some of them were trader and some are military man. Seasonal unemployment to formers, long and dangerous journeys to traders, frequent wars to military man were the hard part of their professions. Today, machines, airplanes and atomic bomb removed all previous hard hurdles faced by fore fathers. Free market economy also open up the doors of merit for all to do job of one’s own taste and talent.
Goldsmith a person used to defraud his clients and morally and economically injured the society of our fore fathers. Today banking replaces that corruption by a fear and save facilities for the customers. Banking, another world of employment and fantastic financial services for everyman not only made life easy but also a place to earn profit conventionally and Islamically.

Prince of one state used to dethrone another on the basis of credit default. Rich state can control the poor by lending money to that state and poor state then lost freedom of everything. Now I.M.f, World bank, interstate lending and funding made dethroning of any state a story of past. Any state can get credit from any national or international institutes in hard times. Multinationals investors are investing in the all corners of the globe making it more better place to live.

Since long times moon was considered as a stick of cheese. Now it is a joke to laugh at mans past understanding. Today, man stepped the moon and elaborated all its characteristics. Space is explored by man; stations were built in space, artificial satellites revolving in various orbits of earth to assist the today’s man.

Previously, life was confined to the visible movement of animals and plants were considered lifeless. Mentally sick patients considered as a ghost arrested one. Now bio sciences, mind sciences, metaphysical, social sciences 180 degree changes the man’s approach. Thousands and thousands undiscovered species have been discovered by today’s man and open up new chapters of understanding the psychology of man. Surgeries, medicines touched their new horizons, in terms of heart transplantation, hair transplantation face surgery, cancer fighting drugs and many more.

Traditionally there was a concept of whole; people seldom concentrate on the composition of the elements. Human cells and atoms infrastructure were something completely unknown to fore fathers. Man of our age removed unthinkable curtails of secrecy and bring the tiny but essential parts of composition of matter. How can an atom becomes horrible atomic bomb, only an experience of this age man. In Past, every day wars became history and now threat of atomic power barked all most countries from wagging wars, very few wars after inventing nukes is a real proof of the discussion.

Socially, fore fathers life revolved around their nation only. A few were able to travel across the borders to get a chance of cross culture experience. They hardly knew about the culture, language and way of life of their glob fellows. Today anyone can study other cultures, languages and can virtually meet them whenever he wants. Face book, twitter, yahoo, Msn and many more are the vehicles to drive at all social paths.

Fore fathers entertained by festivals once or twice a year. Today, entertainment beyond time bards, we can attend annual festivals as annual games, semi-annual as on Eids, monthly as on picnic, weekly as on outdoor dinner, daily as on dramas, hourly as on news and instantly as on internet. Moreover reverse back to past is also possible if you saved your moments in storage devices.

Case history of freedom to broad caste any idea was Rare in the era of fore fathers. Contrarily, every voice is free, every mind is free and every hand is free to broad caste his work on the social platform. Freedom of voice and rights to broad caste gives real life to human power that wasn’t the story of past.

In a nut shell, as a Negative is dark before development and becomes a bright picture after its development. Same was the story of this world, dark for our fore fathers and bright for us. The Neagtive was dark by the darkness of unawareness and we brighten the same negative by throwing light of technology, religious broad studies, scincetific miracles, social freedom and economically well beings. Modern innovations initiate men to live more comfortable life. The day is not far from us, when our tribes stepping Mars for colonizing...

[tyre]

very nice. just a minor mistake. plural of man is men

[doli]

thanks a lot dear for pointing out..i know this one, even then forgot while writing...i am sorry about that..i ll try to be more concious next time

[zuhaib ahmed]

It is an appreciable effort. A good work is done by you.
The more you write the better it becomes.

DO READ THIS ESSAY AFTER ONE YEAR. YOU WILL BE AMAZED AND, SMILE.

No one is perfect in writing skills, it is practice which takes towards perfection.

I believe more in appreciation than criticism. You have a good grip in writing, and it will make you win, if you practise hard. Yes, PRACTICE.

KEEP THIS GOOD WORK ON, MY SIS.

[doli]

O, more than thanks my sweet brother,,.i really very happy on your suggestions and appreciation...i ll do the same as you recommended..

[zuhaib ahmed]

Originally Posted by doli

O, more than thanks my sweet brother,,.i really very happy on your suggestions and appreciation...i ll do the same as you recommended..

Thanks for saying Thanks.


You have a good time to go. May Allah bless you.
Your destination awaits you.

[chemguy]

You won't improve your writing just by writing. If nobody is going to tell you what's wrong with your writing, you're just going to repeat the same mistakes no matter how much you write! This is not meant to discourage you, but to pinpoint the problems in your writing so that you may work towards the right direction.
Your grammar needs a LOT of work. I deliberately left a few mistakes out of fear of discouraging you - rest assured that there are a lot more mistakes in this piece than I have pointed.

Day before Y (no need of capitalization)esterday a mother got weepy('wept' would suffice) when she wanted to see the face of ('see her son' is more accurate) her son, yesterday she weeps ('wept') having (replace it with 'with')son’s photo in hands and today she can get a(remove this) smile after clicking a button for video conferences ('conferencing')

This world is moving towards more development since its inception. Long days before people were living in caves and eating raw foods. When stone era moved forward then wooden homes cam and cooked food. Wooden era passed and semi developed era came; people became educated and followed many philosophies. Many years philosophical era, a developed era came and people reached the moon. Now we are in super developed era and moving towards exploration of new worlds. While getting a visible big edge on our fore fathers ('over' not 'on' and forefathers is one word) we got help of numerous branches of knowledge tree. These adding branches are technology, science, religion, economics, entertainment, social empowerment and many more. Growth of these areas of knowledge helps us to make our life considerably better than our fore fathers. One can say Our Fore fathers (Read the rules of capitalization) were better than their fore fathers and we our better than both.

Our developed world is the major (redundant word)fruit of technological development. Just before some centuries(' a few centuries ago' is more strong), a story became super hit(Not a ballywood movie xP) that was the story of Ilaf lela. Ilaf lella was a story in which hero communicate to his heron having a virtual meeting in air. The story got highly famous because people amazed by the impossibility of airy visual communication. Inetrnat, is the real existence of that imaginary hero today. People can communicate,watch,write,read,learn,play and search instantly on the internat.All most (The word is 'almost') all the knowledge of the world is present in the store room of internate (You've misspelled internet several times),limitless,distanceless,most fastest (Fastest means 'fast to highest degree', to put 'most' before it is wrong) and most developed symbol of technology up till now.

Communication, Letter took half a month to reach second corner of the same country. Patience of the receiver was inexpressible painful experience while waiting for the letter of any (of 'a' )loved one. Often message was post ('past')time or expired caused tremendous loss, emotionally, economically and morally. Having access to telephone, fax, telegram, wirless, satlite and mobile made that painful wait a pleasurable feeling to get message on time and without wait.

Media, no check and balance on the crime and misconduct of powerful. Poor was the only victim of all laws, rules and exploitation. Now if the president of a super power ('superpower') has a scandal with any female (Completely inappropriate. You could just write 'if the president of a superpower does injustice)it turns into a trial. Media, is not only an invisible hand to ('that')controls the torrent of corruption of big floods it also give power to powerless streams to flow in the right path. Human rights, [U]female rights (It's women's rights NOT female rights!), children rights and labour rights were some of the dark corner which are lime lighted by media of the day.

Religiously, when fore father started thinking about his existence then philosophies came that made fore fathers philosophers. Further, Divine religions gave the real definition of human and informed human about the secrets of universe that made fore fathers religious. Subsequently Scientific revolution shaded the clear picture of religion; he started believing on science and looses the focus on religion. Now we have balance of science and religion. As religion becomes the focal point of all schools of thoughts firstly because scientists themselves proving the scientific theories wrong secondly science becomes the way to reveal the secrets of nature already told by the GOD.(remove 'the' and capitalize only 'G' for 'God')

Religion was either sidelined or politically used by our fore fathers. As was the case of USA colonization, where catholic and Protestants were at war with each other. Afghanistan, a region always used as a war field on ('in')the name of religion. Israel captured the native land of Palestine on the name of religion by claiming Jerusalem only (unnecessary)their religious place. Now religious ('religions are') openly under discussion and people consider it ('them') a code of peaceful life not a code of bloodshed. Today (You didn't write 'today'. Without it sentence doesn't give a sense of time; when did this happen, in the past or present?)religious fanatics are present in all religions and are highly ('highly' unnecessary)condemned by all the followers of religions. (remove 'the followers of religions')

Economically, fore fathers were hostages of limited opportunities. A large number of mans were compel to do the agriculture, some of them were trader and some are military man. Seasonal unemployment to formers, long and dangerous journeys to traders, frequent wars to military man were the hard part of their professions. Today, machines, airplanes and atomic bomb removed ('has removed') all previous hard hurdles faced by fore fathers. Free market economy also open up the doors of merit for all to do job of one’s own taste and talent.

Goldsmith a person used to defraud his clients and morally and economically injured the society of our fore fathers. Today banking replaces that corruption by a fear and save facilities for the customers. Banking, another world of employment and fantastic financial services for everyman not only made life easy but also a place to earn profit conventionally and Islamically.

Prince of one state used to dethrone another on the basis of credit default. Rich state can ('could')control the poor by lending money to that state and poor state then lost freedom of everything. Now I.M.f, World bank, interstate lending and funding made ('has made')dethroning of any state a story of past. Any state can get credit from any national or international institute in hard times. Multinational investors are investing in the all corners of the globe making it more (replace 'more' with 'a')better place to live.

Since long times (redundant) moon was considered as a stick of cheese. Now it is a joke to laugh at mans past understanding. Today, man stepped the moon and elaborated all its characteristics. Space is ('is being')explored by man; stations were 'have been'built in space and artificial satellites are revolving in various orbits of earth to assist the today’s man.

Previously, life was confined to the visible movement of animals and plants were considered lifeless. (Mehrbani karkay isko do sentences main todo!) Mentally sick ('Mentally ill') patients considered as a ghost arrested one ('possessed'). Now bio sciences, mind sciences, metaphysical (Check out the meaning of metaphysical), social sciences 180 degree changes the man’s approach. Thousands and thousands undiscovered species have been discovered by today’s man and open up new chapters of understanding the psychology of man. Surgeries, medicines touched their new horizons, in terms of heart transplantation, hair transplantation face surgery, cancer fighting drugs and many more. (Don't use 'man' this heavily.)

Traditionally there was a concept of whole; people seldom concentrate on the composition of the elements. Human cells and atoms infrastructure were something completely unknown to fore fathers. Man of our age removed unthinkable curtails of secrecy and bring the tiny but essential parts of composition of matter. How can an atom becomes horrible atomic bomb, only an experience of this age man. In Past(small 'p'), every day wars became history and now threat of atomic power barked all most countries from wagging wars, very few wars after inventing nukes is a real proof of the discussion.

Socially, fore fathers (forefathers') life revolved around their nation only. A few were able to travel across the borders to get a chance of cross culture experience. They hardly knew about the culture, language and way of life of their glob fellows. Today anyone can study other cultures, languages and can virtually meet them whenever he wants. Face book, twitter, yahoo, Msn ('Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, Msn') and many more are the vehicles to drive at all social paths.

Fore fathers entertained by festivals once or twice a year. Today, entertainment beyond time bards, we can attend annual festivals as annual games, semi-annual as on Eids, monthly as on picnic, weekly as on outdoor dinner, daily as on dramas, hourly as on news and instantly as on internet. Moreover reverse back to ('remembering the') past is also possible if you saved your moments in (Replace this with 'with') storage devices.

Case history of freedom to broad caste any idea was Rare in the era of fore fathers. Contrarily, every voice is free, every mind is free and every hand is free to broad caste his work on the social platform. Freedom of voice and rights to broad caste gives real life to human power that wasn’t the story of past.

In a nut shell, as a Negative is dark before development and becomes a bright picture after its development. Same was the story of this world - dark for our fore fathers and bright for us. The Neagtive (Wrong spelling; needless capitalization) was dark by the darkness of unawareness ('ignorance' is more appropriate) (and we brighten the same negative by throwing light of technology, religious broad studies, scincetific miracles(Paradoxical words: science and miracles don't go together), social freedom and economically(economic) well beings. Modern innovations initiate men ('humans' is more appropriate)to live more comfortable life('lives'). The day is not far from us, when our tribes (Don't you mean 'civilization'?)stepping Mars for colonizing... (It's informal to write '...' in a CSS essay)

My advise:

1- Work on your tenses. I cannot stress this enough. Put your pen down right now and go work on your tenses!
2- Stop using 'man' or 'men' so much! It is sexist. There are very few places where 'man' is better than 'people' or 'humans'.
3- Don't capitalize a common noun or a verb if it is in the middle of the sentence.
4- Work on subject-verb agreement.
5- Don't forget that simplicity is the essence of good writing
6- Think before you write. Some of the ideas in your essay contradict each other. For instance, the very reason there is technological progress is because we have outgrown religion and because religion is not holding back science. You have said that religion is thriving in this modern era (which is not true). The very purpose of an essay is to state your case with proof, not to write your mind's own ambiguity.

[doli]

thanks a lot for your detailed analysis.this is my first effort to right a full essay.usually i just made outline and then left it.
I am glad to have your suggestion for improving my writing.
I really appreciate all sorts of positive criticism.
Because of far from my country,I only have access to this forum for CSS study.

dear
regarding religion,so far my research have proved to me,religion is more emphasis by all over the world once again.if you open up to the western new trends then you can easily feel the difference of yesterday west trend v/s today's trend.

[sadam gurmani]

contradiction of ideas comes when you copy some sentences from some literary work and when you forget them you start writing on your own.
So, I will recommend, at least write everything at your own or cram the material perfectly.

[tyre]

well sis, iam also appearing for the first time with this forum as the source of guidance. havent written any essay yet. thought of posting one to the forum but typing's hard for me. any how, how do you post an original post? i only know the way of replying.