Truth is a rare commodity despite the freedom by the print and electronic media

[chemguy]

I desperately need some feedback on my writing. I have posted my writing on several forums but to no avail - Nobody bothers replying.

This is NOT the full essay. But I think it is enough to judge and give a constructive criticism for my writing. Please do give suggestions.

Truth is a rare commodity despite the freedom by the print and electronic media

"Fours legs good; two legs bad" This was the mindless slogan of the sheeps in George Orwell's Animal Farm - A book about animals yet reminiscent of humans. The author's intent was to critize England's censorship and to critize Russia - The nation symbolizing pigs in the novel. Ironically, the preface of this novel, which had the author's note on censorship, was also censored. Truth, that the author wanted to impart to the unbeknownst common men, was removed. This, and a few incidents written below, tell us that we are missing out on truth - The rarest of comodity.

Information is power. It only takes two words to access an online bank account. But this is a trivial matter when compared with the hidden truth that protects and keeps the system running for the status quo.

Media has long lost its objectivity. If any treacherous article is published, the journalist is murdered. Countries censor books and media so as to not appear threatening to any nation - The censorship in Britain of the books and media writing against USSR is no secret. Today media is run like a business. And a business can only run, if it can sell. What sells, is conformity to the opinion of commonman. One is rather inclined to read the news from a newspaper which corresponds to his/her opinions. Opinions by nature are errant, biased and influenced by emotions. Why is it then that people prefer a particular newspaperpaper more, when they have no obligation to the publisher and have viable alternative newspapers? Television programs sell only when the host can fire up a heated conversation between politicians and bring up the hyperbole of commonman. How often do we hear about "Our corrupt government", or how deprave a particular politician is, or even a journalist making such claims, without any sound proof. All just to satiate our hunger for entertainment. It is my contention that most, if not all, cannot conjure substantial evidence to back their point. Yet mindlessly, they say "Our government is corrupt" - strikingly similar to Orwell's sheeps "Fours legs good; two legs bad"

Jullian Asange's effort, to reveal the truth is commendable - His brainchild Wikileaks, has published shocking videos, and horrifying truths about the dirty business of politics and war. In March 2010, Wikileaks published documents that jeopardized the integrity of politics around the world, particularly that of US and its army. The day the leaks started coming out, news channels, blogs, newspapers, news sites all were abuzz - except New york Times website. There wasn't a media outlet in the world without this news and here the paragon of media, NY times, didn't have this news anywhere on their website. An ardent reader of this site might have different opinion than you and me.

[Ali Ahmad Syed]

Originally Posted by chemguy

I desperately need some feedback on my writing. I have posted my writing on several forums but to no avail - Nobody bothers replying.

This is NOT the full essay. But I think it is enough to judge and give a constructive criticism for my writing. Please do give suggestions.

Truth is a rare commodity despite the freedom by the print and electronic media

"Fours legs good; two legs bad" This was the mindless slogan of the sheeps in George Orwell's Animal Farm - A book about animals yet reminiscent of humans. The author's intent was to critize England's censorship and to critize Russia - The nation symbolizing pigs in the novel. Ironically, the preface of this novel, which had the author's note on censorship, was also censored. Truth, that the author wanted to impart to the unbeknownst common men, was removed. This, and a few incidents written below, tell us that we are missing out on truth - The rarest of comodity.

Information is power. It only takes two words to access an online bank account. But this is a trivial matter when compared with the hidden truth that protects and keeps the system running for the status quo.

Media has long lost its objectivity. If any treacherous article is published, the journalist is murdered. Countries censor books and media so as to not appear threatening to any nation - The censorship in Britain of the books and media writing against USSR is no secret. Today media is run like a business. And a business can only run, if it can sell. What sells, is conformity to the opinion of commonman. One is rather inclined to read the news from a newspaper which corresponds to his/her opinions. Opinions by nature are errant, biased and influenced by emotions. Why is it then that people prefer a particular newspaperpaper more, when they have no obligation to the publisher and have viable alternative newspapers? Television programs sell only when the host can fire up a heated conversation between politicians and bring up the hyperbole of commonman. How often do we hear about "Our corrupt government", or how deprave a particular politician is, or even a journalist making such claims, without any sound proof. All just to satiate our hunger for entertainment. It is my contention that most, if not all, cannot conjure substantial evidence to back their point. Yet mindlessly, they say "Our government is corrupt" - strikingly similar to Orwell's sheeps "Fours legs good; two legs bad"

Jullian Asange's effort, to reveal the truth is commendable - His brainchild Wikileaks, has published shocking videos, and horrifying truths about the dirty business of politics and war. In March 2010, Wikileaks published documents that jeopardized the integrity of politics around the world, particularly that of US and its army. The day the leaks started coming out, news channels, blogs, newspapers, news sites all were abuzz - except New york Times website. There wasn't a media outlet in the world without this news and here the paragon of media, NY times, didn't have this news anywhere on their website. An ardent reader of this site might have different opinion than you and me.

Following is a critical analysis of your writing:
"Truth is a rare commodity despite the freedom by the print and electronic media":
The title subjected to a critical essay on fictitious and delusive role of media despite the freedom of telling truth. Your essay isn't pointing towards that. The material is very little, ideas are few, we may call it an expansion not an essay.
Your essay has following major flaws:

• Lacking understanding of topic
• Lacking focus
• Lacking flow
• Lacking Coherence
• Lacking Conclusiveness

To avoid these flaws, you should brainstorm, research the topic, draw an outline first and then go for a full fledged essay. Your English is good and you can write a good essay. Keep practicing and one day you will be perfect. Best of luck.

[muhammad imran sethi]

I approached this topic in the following way. contemporary media and reasons behind untruthtfulnes. Contemporary media is a crises driven media whose cash turnover is dependent upon crises turnover (arundhati roy). lack of contextualization;failure to keep balance in its three roles of education,information and entertainment,entertainment part has become predominant with information being woven into it with great dexterity,Big lie theory,ideological inclinations of talk show hosts(eg faked wikeleaks related to alleged indian role in balochistan),corporate control of media(egradia scandal in india),presenting politics as a theatre(eg news report about revoking of executive fiat restoring the judges)

[MaShWaNeE]

Your essay is not covering the topic. Normally the first two paragraphs gives an idea about he essay (that what will be you discussiing in your essay) but i cant see that.
The seconed paragraph length is 2 lines whicn is not recomended at all. And avoid such kind of sentences

This, and a few incidents written below

When you write an essay. Pick your topic. Brainstorm it. Prepare an outline and base your essay on that outline. It will help you alot.
Consider the suggestions given by the above two members. Very fruitful.
Keep trying and writting. Its all about practice.
Good Luck.

[mariashamshad]

as the members criticise i will say that in simple the thoughts are not clear.thoughts are not relevent much to the topic and its not neccessary that you use tough language to gain marks.but by writing simply but clear thoughts and suggestions one can get good marks.

[aariz]

"Think clearly, write clearly" The topic is misunderstood.

[pureapak]

in order to drive you an amble idea of how a topic is well treated in essay paper let me present a simple outline on the mentioned topic.... hope this is gonna widen the scope of your essay understanding and might help you write more coherently the next time...

Here it goes...........

Truth is a rare commodity despite the freedom by print and electronic media

Introduction.
The people have right to know what their administration is doing for them and what activities occur all around in their state. Realization of this right led to the freedom of media. Media was freed from official regulations on this doctrine but despite the maximum freedom granted, media falls short of discharging on its fundamental purpose of presenting the truthful news , reports and stories.
body
IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOUR BY MEDIA AFFECTING ITS TRUE PERFORMANCE.
1. Race for commercial ends and not for national service.
a. Mushrooming of Pvt. Newspapers and T.v news channels has set into motion a commercial competition among them
b. Exaggerated reporting on the unnecessary issues for the extravagant publicity.
c. Reporters at local as well as national level sale their loyalities to the corrupt officials and guilty people for not revealing the truth of their crimes or for exaggerating their duty performance to state.
d. Discredit the innocent and the honest public servants if they refuse offering such reporters their illegal dues.
2. Partial attitude.
a. Only focus on the excessive criticism of the government and falsifying the truth of its successful services to the people.
b. Presenting the ministers and even the head of state in forms of cartoons and telecasting comic shows in order to insinuate them.
c. Govt is discouraged by this partial and irresponsible attitude of media and its performance is thus influenced. (in order to avoid such criticism govt restructures its otherwise viable policies)
3. Vague attempts for gaining popularity regardless of their serious spillover.
a. Organizing wrestling table talks among state politicians exacerbating already pervasive fraction among political parties.
b. National issues worthy of intensive attention are sidelined while the spectacular political tussles gain prime notice of media
c. Irrelevant political unrest emerges that obstructs state in delivery for national development and progress.
4. free hand coverage of certain incidents and state policies helps anti state actors in formulating catastrophic designs.
>Due to unbridled media coverage of even trivial issues Enemy gets an idea of interior weak points and attempts exploiting them for rather big crisis at national level.

5. Leakage of sensitive state affairs and spots throwing states in new diplomatic wars while creating trust deficit among them.
a. Wikileaks , Not fully true cables.
b. Refusal of accused people to wikileaks.
c. Widening of misgivings among the countries in the wake of these leaks.
6. poor reporting of the one channel disclosed by the other
 contemporary tussle between GEO TV and CABLE OPERATORS.

Conclusion

Media retains an extremely vibrant potential to influence the state affairs. Its responsible execution may bring to the state an era of good governance, justice, transparency and thus over all prosperity. At the same time its irresponsible work projects the state in complications there by impeding its ways to successful functioning.

[jahanzebhakro]

i think this essay deals with negative aspects of media only

[Usman Cheema]

I attemted this essay in 2011. Following is the outline of the essay which I wrote in the paper. May be it can be of some help.
CSS Forums - View Single Post - Essay paper 2011

Regards,

[Hoodwink]

brother how much you scored in this paper in 2011 ?