Kindly Critically Evaluate My Introductory Paragraph.
 

Seniors,

Kindly critically evaluate my introductory paragraph.Do point out my weak point and also suggest me what should I do to overcome them.

[B]Topic[/B]:The Socio-economic and Political Challenges of Pakistan in 21st Century


The 21st century is the century of economic prosperity, scientific advancement and technological revolution. Every nation is striving to accomplish her millennium development goals. But, if analyzed in Pakistan situation appears to be much grim .Instead of moving forward Pakistan in the second decade of the 21st century facing tumultuous sociology-politico and economic challenges. Pakistan’s biggest challenge is the exploding population. Pakistan is home to 180 million people out of which 66 per cent is youth. But a population with such huge number of young blood has become bane instead of bliss. In addition to population explosion, country is lagging behind in the field of education, science and technology. In 2013 the estimated literacy rate of 56 per cent is enough to explain the kind of importance that education is enjoying before the policy makers. Moreover, escalating terrorism, religious extremism, dwindling economy , internal political instability and external threats are such precarious challenges that making this country weaker day by day. These above stated challenges have not only hindered the progress of Pakistan but also put the survival of country in jeopardy.

Good

But you did some grammatical mistakes including punctuation.

Some spelling mistakes also.

However your expressions and thoughts are satisfactory.

yes thoughts are good

Thoughts are ok
Socio-political and economic
Two times pakistan in 2 consecutive sentences why?
Use country instead of pakistan
You are enumerating all the challenges in intro what
Is left for body
Write general situation in the country in intro and then carry on wt the issues

It is not catchy at all. Cliches are repeatedly used. Come up with something new.
It won't attain the reader's attention

The topic is very easy, general and broad. In such type of topics, marks are enjoyed by those who make their intro catchy while you are writing like some friends are sitting in drawing room and talking about something.
Please try to catch the attention of the reader. And, if a person with more than 800 marks can fail in essay by only 1 number(though it does not apply everywhere), just think what ll happen to an average candidate.

As far as socio-economic problems of pakistan is concerned, does this introduction suit it?

"Pakistan since its inception has been socially, politically and economically backward. This situation later on became the major constraint to the development of socioeconomic conditions of the country. It is because of the insincerity of government and its vague polices toward the fundamental needs of people which transformed into widespread poverty, poor law and order condition, illiteracy, unemployment, terrorism, ill economy and other domestic issues. Pakistan today stands in its weakest position of its history, though it has immense capabilities to overcome the menace of socioeconomic problems through effective and transparent governance, well-planned security, improved poverty alleviation programs and effective economic policy."