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  #11  
Old Saturday, May 09, 2020
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This is the outline of the essay that I attempted in the actual paper in 2019. The topics was "Classrooms decide the future of the nation." The remedial measures of course had more points, I just can't recall them. I took a fairly romanticized view of the topic, rather than getting into the nitty-gritty of the economic, political, social etc impacts of education as a whole. My mother is a Montessori directress and I've attended many workshops detailing the importance of a "good" classroom environment and overall experience for the proper development of a child. I used that to advantage and laced a good many Maria Montessori quotes throughout. Also as I mentioned before I stuck to the wordings of the topic and focused on "classrooms/learning environment" specifically not "education" as a whole

1. Introduction
2. Classrooms: Historical and contemporary examples of their role in nation building (Examples of student participation in Pakistan movement, and for the current examples US Parkland shooting survivors rallies on gun control, Swedish schoolgirl Greta Thunberg and her voicing climate change concerns and the French yellow vest movement which is also now being taken up by students for school reforms)
3. Role of classroom in nation building
3.1 socialization
3.2 personality development
3.3 evolution and development of ideas and values
3.4 creativity and innovation
3.5 Transmission of knowledge
4. Hallmarks of a conducive learning environment
4.1 Child-centered
4.2 Participative
4.3 Holistic development
5. Case study of Pakistan: How our classrooms are perpetuating our social, political and economic problems.
6. Remedial measures
7. Conclusion


I had gone into the exam hall thinking I would attempt an economics topic (my degree is in economics) but the only topic that applied was so general that I was sure everyone was going to attempt that- that would make it hard to make original points and stand out so I went with this topic because it was far from being controversial and I knew that I could get a lot of arguments and examples in.
Thanks sister for sharing your outline. It is amazing and well written. It is good to see that everything can prove helpful if one so desires, as your educational background helped you. Hope and pray you well get your favorite department. I will try to write outline along with intro on this topic as sooner as possible. Please, get some time and check it. Thanks again.
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  #12  
Old Saturday, May 09, 2020
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Thank you. Edna was a darling of a cat and she will be sorely missed. Her litter mate Dorian is a handful for now considering that he's now alone and demands more attention than ever. But anyway the well wishes are much appreciated.


I'm glad I could be of help.


This forum used to be a lot more active. I'm not sure why it died down. When I was preparing and even when I was first starting out it was such a rich resource. I've never put much stock in the academies either. They seem to favour the one size fits all philosophy which doesn't work for an exam like CSS where individual opinions and thought processes help one stand out and get ahead of the pack.


Best of luck for the PCS and CSS results! I appeared and cleared the written part of CSS 2019. I've given the psychological assessment and viva voce just awaiting the final allocation lists now.



I'd be happy to try and help to the best of my abilities. I'd love to give more overall thoughts for future writeups if you'd really want them. My email address is in my bio here so if that's more convenient feel free to reach out there. Let's see how this works out first.


Please review the remaining part of the write-up whenever you have got time.
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  #13  
Old Sunday, May 10, 2020
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Hello. Apologies for the delay but here are a few more of the paragraphs with my thoughts and comments.

The Covid-19 pandemic has caused (caused is grammatically correct but it causes a hiccup in the flow of the sentence. The best way to see these for oneself is to say the sentence out loud. If an unnatural pause or a need to draw breath comes at any point in a sentence then it doesn't have proper "flow". I'm not an english major and I'm sure this has more of a technical explanation but to me this trick has always been enough. It would be better to use "...has had a far reaching impact...". Again this is super subjective. If caused seems fine to you by all means keep it as is.) far-reaching impact to ("on" would be better here) the planet earth (earth E would be capital but it would actually suit the sentence better to just have planet.) as did the 9/11 (the two events though monumental in their own right are unrelated. And the sentence itself does not really need the add on comparison.) Once the coronavirus is contained and recovery begins, human behaviours (behaviour singular would suit here better) will be significantly altered. For instance, as recommended by WHO and the health practitioners ‘No Handshake’, (the portion of the sentence before the comma requires rewording. It has a lot of hiccups in the flow. Suggested edit: "For instanfe, WHO and leading health practitioners have advocated a habit of 'No Handshake' in order to limit contact and hence the spread of the disease. It is not inconceivable that this habit of limited human touch would carry on with us as humanity emerges from self isolation and quarantine in post-covid era...") will be practiced even in the post-Covid-19 times owing to the reason that the ravages of the pandemic cannot be easily forgotten. Its affects will remain part of our long-term memories no matter what. (Better to start a new paragraph at this point. Also the two trains of thought don't seem to go well together. I get the point you are trying to make with the instance of the vilalge after this comment but it seems unnecessary to me. Think of sentences in logical flow. Whenever you write a sentence, before beginning the next one write the wh words in the corner margin to help develop logical sequencing of the narrative. So for example here in the beginning of the paragraph you mentioned that our lives will be different post covid 19. Well the next quesion that pops into my mind at least is HOW? You answered that as well by giving an example of the no handshake policy. Now the next question that springs to mind is SO WHAT? HOW ARE THESE CHANGES ANY DIFFERENT TO THE CHANGING TRENDS AND SOCIAL CONVENTIONS THAT HAPPEN NATURALLY? WHY SHOULD WE CARE THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE DIFFERENT? THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT EVERY DAY-NAY EVERY SECOND- SO WHY DOES THIS MATTER? Try to answer such questions as the next in the logical sequence. ) Few days back, this author has inquired whether masses are practising ‘no handshake’ in rural areas. To my utter surprise as I was not expecting this, majority in the rural areas of Sindh are avoiding handshake. One of my relative responded that when he went to buy groceries and his acquaintance tried to greet him with handshake, he apologised to shake hand requesting his acquaintance to practice no handshake as recommended by the authorities for mutual safety. It does not mean that all the masses are abiding by the government’s instructions. Certainly, it varies from area to area. Hence, avoiding handshake will also be practiced in future as well.
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Old Sunday, May 10, 2020
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Originally Posted by aishalam View Post
Hello. Apologies for the delay but here are a few more of the paragraphs with my thoughts and comments.

The Covid-19 pandemic has caused (caused is grammatically correct but it causes a hiccup in the flow of the sentence. The best way to see these for oneself is to say the sentence out loud. If an unnatural pause or a need to draw breath comes at any point in a sentence then it doesn't have proper "flow". I'm not an english major and I'm sure this has more of a technical explanation but to me this trick has always been enough. It would be better to use "...has had a far reaching impact...". Again this is super subjective. If caused seems fine to you by all means keep it as is.) far-reaching impact to ("on" would be better here) the planet earth (earth E would be capital but it would actually suit the sentence better to just have planet.) as did the 9/11 (the two events though monumental in their own right are unrelated. And the sentence itself does not really need the add on comparison.) Once the coronavirus is contained and recovery begins, human behaviours (behaviour singular would suit here better) will be significantly altered. For instance, as recommended by WHO and the health practitioners ‘No Handshake’, (the portion of the sentence before the comma requires rewording. It has a lot of hiccups in the flow. Suggested edit: "For instanfe, WHO and leading health practitioners have advocated a habit of 'No Handshake' in order to limit contact and hence the spread of the disease. It is not inconceivable that this habit of limited human touch would carry on with us as humanity emerges from self isolation and quarantine in post-covid era...") will be practiced even in the post-Covid-19 times owing to the reason that the ravages of the pandemic cannot be easily forgotten. Its affects will remain part of our long-term memories no matter what. (Better to start a new paragraph at this point. Also the two trains of thought don't seem to go well together. I get the point you are trying to make with the instance of the vilalge after this comment but it seems unnecessary to me. Think of sentences in logical flow. Whenever you write a sentence, before beginning the next one write the wh words in the corner margin to help develop logical sequencing of the narrative. So for example here in the beginning of the paragraph you mentioned that our lives will be different post covid 19. Well the next quesion that pops into my mind at least is HOW? You answered that as well by giving an example of the no handshake policy. Now the next question that springs to mind is SO WHAT? HOW ARE THESE CHANGES ANY DIFFERENT TO THE CHANGING TRENDS AND SOCIAL CONVENTIONS THAT HAPPEN NATURALLY? WHY SHOULD WE CARE THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE DIFFERENT? THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT EVERY DAY-NAY EVERY SECOND- SO WHY DOES THIS MATTER? Try to answer such questions as the next in the logical sequence. ) Few days back, this author has inquired whether masses are practising ‘no handshake’ in rural areas. To my utter surprise as I was not expecting this, majority in the rural areas of Sindh are avoiding handshake. One of my relative responded that when he went to buy groceries and his acquaintance tried to greet him with handshake, he apologised to shake hand requesting his acquaintance to practice no handshake as recommended by the authorities for mutual safety. It does not mean that all the masses are abiding by the government’s instructions. Certainly, it varies from area to area. Hence, avoiding handshake will also be practiced in future as well.


Really greatful for guidance and these tips are extremely helpful. Literally, cannot express my gratitude to you for such microscopic review along with the guidance what to be done.


Also, after this has been done, will be requesting to review other write-ups as well. I have sent you links of these write-ups in email a few days back.


Also please share how did you improve your writing skills? Through reading ?
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  #15  
Old Tuesday, May 12, 2020
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Hello! Below I've added comments to more of the paragraphs following the same key as before. Last two paragraphs left. I shall try to get them done later today. Anyway hope the comments and suggestions are helpful!


At the state level, traditional security was given precedence over the non-traditional aspects of security. (The link between the previous paragraph and this one isn't clear. Create links so that your writing is an unbroken chain which can easily be followed along by the reader. See again my comments on logical sequencing. Other than that the opening sentence is fine as a standalone and opener to this current thread ) Every state ("country" would fit better than state. State is fine but it's a little confusing and you don't want to reader to stop and think. You want to seamlessly guide them along with the narrative) of ("on" would be better) the planet earth (better to remove earth. Just planet is fine) focused on allocating significant resources on ( "to" would fit here better) their defence and military muscle ("might" is the more commonly used word. Muscle is fine too but it sounds a tad bit off.) with increase in every ("...muscle with every subsequent budget" makes more sense as it's easier to follow) subsequent budget. All-important health sector was accorded insignificant priority. Situation is deplorable especially in the developing countries. ( create links. The sentence would link better to the previous point if you worded it like "the situation is even more deplorable when it comes to developing countries..." I'd recommend adding a point that that's technically not the developing countries' fault. We have very little budget to work with as is and even then development is given a back seat out of necessity rather than a choice. It's easy to say that more should be allocated here or there but if one looks at things as a whole we can't spare it yet. The situation is more sketchy when it comes to the developed world. They have so many resources or connections to get those resources that if they'd dump half of it into the ocean they'd still be better of than we are now. In fact George Orwell predicted just that when talking about wars in his book 1984- I'll try to add the quote here afterwards. It's best to show the reader that the writer is well aware of the whole picture and is not only looked at fragmented bits just to prove his or her own opinion )
Pakistan allocates less than one percent of its GDP on health. However, in the post-Covid19 world, states will be enhancing their budgetary allocations on healthcare services ( bold claim. We don't know this as a fact. In fact I'm going to hedge a bet and say nothing much is going to change except that this is going to be a blow to globalisation. Countries will try to become more self contained after this so that if there is a repeat they won't have to suffer or can lockdown more efficiently. We rarely try and prevent things. It's more about money. The capitalists in the developed world are going to love this idea since they've been losing out on money to China. Now they will push their own agenda under pretences of national security ). It is hoped that Pakistan would realise this blunder and dedicate at least 2 % of GDP on heath in the future budgets with significant increases in each subsequent fiscal year. ( again easier said than done. Where would the money come from? After all this is over we are going to be in deep deep debts. I just hope that the investment frenzy that starts after the whole thing is over doesn't see another market crash. )

From crimes perspective, during the lockdown crime rate has decreased to zero ( source of this claim? I don't think we have any data to back this yet. In fact if anything crimes like domestic abuse have seen a steep increase. They are just as horrendous if not worse than thievery.) It is not because of lockdown and restricted movement but due to the fear of being infected from coronavirus as the socially deviants are equally aware of the fact that it is quite possible that the potential victim may have symptomatic or asymptomatic virus. ( the sentence after this one doesn't link to the previous one. Needs better logical sequencing.)Afterall, everyone loves living in this world as it is rightly said ‘even if somebody assures us of going to paradise, but we will not be willing to die’. Here readers are requested not to compare or connect the suicide bombers to this phenomenon as there are always certain exceptions in every situation. ( if there are such exceptions to that claim why make that claim in the first place? What value does it add to the narrative?)

On the contrary, once the situation normalises, crime rate will be in stark contrast to lockdown period. We will witness a steep rise in crimes for a sustained period in future for many reasons. One, those whose savings will be dried up during the lockdown period will be looking for shortcuts and thus they will resort to the criminal route of making money. Two, those who are criminals and are currently in a state of dormancy will activate continuing their bad habits. Obviously, old bad habits die hard. Three, by virtue of economic slowdown, private enterprises will lay-off their employees resulting in massive joblessness ( unemployment is a better word). Patience is the rarest commodity these days and it will be least possible ( remove possible. Simply "least available" or "least in supply" would fit better.) available amongst the jobless individuals who have to cater to their families. Therefore, jobless and hard-pressed persons will also resort to the criminal means to make money. Fourth, as the company so the colour, ( I think this point could be worded better and also you need to back up all these claims with some arguments. Look to history or literature for help there. Your points are valid as long as you can back them up and I don't mean adding tons of statistical data just instances and events in history that have shown similar outcomes would give this paragraph a little more weight and substance) some will be motivated by their friends to do so. Alas, post-Covid19 time will witness massive spike in crime as well as violence.

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Originally Posted by LifeAdventure View Post
Also please share how did you improve your writing skills? Through reading ?
I'm an avid reader and have read extensively since I was very young. I even maintain a Goodreads account and a public bookstagram profile which is basically an Instagram account dedicated to books. I feel reading is extremely helpful because even if I have never academically studied literature and can't tell you what "technically" is off about a particular sentence, I can still recognise that it is reading weirdly and work out the why from there. It's also extremely useful for knowing what works connotatively in a sentence because you might have noticed lots of words fit in and are grammatically correct but they aren't commonly used like that. You can't actually learn this. There are a handful of ways you can go about trying to develop this understanding. One of which is living or interacting with the natives of the language and picking up where they use what. Another way is to read a lot which leads to unconsciously developing an imprint of having read the particular word being used in a particular sentence. Similarly meanings of words become easier if you read enough since you have read them in their natural place and can work out what they mean in context which is a better way than trying to memorize dictionaries.
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Old Thursday, May 14, 2020
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The last set of edits and comments below.


There is a need that the governments ought to be ("should be" or "should work at being better prepared" sound better in the flow of the sentence) well-prepared for all possible situations that will emerge after containment of the novel virus.(This paragraph as a whole needs a better linkage to the previous thread. It just sorts of starts out of nowhere.) That will equally be full of risks("difficulties" or "its own set of problems" would make more sense). The governments should make a sound plan for tackling the economic jolts, rehabilitation of affected persons and providing jobs or stipends to the jobless youth. The government should consider providing stipends along with technical or digital skills so that they may start their own businesses or for freelancing. In the digital era, online freelancing on platforms like Upwork and Fiverr are in much demand and are excellent opportunities. If the government equips youth with these requisite skills, the jobless("unemployed" is a better word) youth may earn sufficient revenue from these platforms. Presidential Initiative for Artificial Intelligence & Computing (PIAIC) is an important step in this regard. However, keeping in view the pressing situation such programmes ought to be tailored for the jobless Pakistani youth for the post-Covid19 time. Moreover, other technical skills such as mechanic, electrician, etc. for the uneducated youth should also be preferred in this respect. The more we plan to engage our youth, the better it is in view of the hard-pressed times ahead. (the thing is talking so much about the unemployed youth does not suit the tone of the essay before this at all. You have discussed the cultural changes, security issues and also crime rates. These are not directly linked to such a specific group as unemployed youth so giving them such a disproportionately large space in this sort of recommendations paragraph does not makes much sense. Tailor the recommendations to the concerns and issues raised previously in the essay so that the reader know that you aren't just pointing fingers but can not only see the problems in their proper contexts but also have suggestions on how tackle them.)


Coronavirus is a cataclysmic occurrence of this century which has potential to change everything for ever ("forever" together) entailing vastly ("and will entail vast" ) pernicious effects. The more aggressive efforts are taken to contain it, the better it is (remove. End on better). In addition, the more we prepare for adopting in the post-Covid19 time, the less problematic would it be. (" it will be") Nonetheless, the central government need to take holistic efforts in coordination with the provincial governments for both current-and-post-Covid19 period and not to take solo flight as witnessed during lockdown situation. It created more confusion than helped to contain the crisis. (the last sentence lacks a sense of conclusion and finality. Add something that ties it all together. And if nothing else always end on a positive or hopeful note. It just gives a better impression.)
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  #17  
Old Saturday, May 16, 2020
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The last set of edits and comments below.


There is a need that the governments ought to be ("should be" or "should work at being better prepared" sound better in the flow of the sentence) well-prepared for all possible situations that will emerge after containment of the novel virus.(This paragraph as a whole needs a better linkage to the previous thread. It just sorts of starts out of nowhere.) That will equally be full of risks("difficulties" or "its own set of problems" would make more sense). The governments should make a sound plan for tackling the economic jolts, rehabilitation of affected persons and providing jobs or stipends to the jobless youth. The government should consider providing stipends along with technical or digital skills so that they may start their own businesses or for freelancing. In the digital era, online freelancing on platforms like Upwork and Fiverr are in much demand and are excellent opportunities. If the government equips youth with these requisite skills, the jobless("unemployed" is a better word) youth may earn sufficient revenue from these platforms. Presidential Initiative for Artificial Intelligence & Computing (PIAIC) is an important step in this regard. However, keeping in view the pressing situation such programmes ought to be tailored for the jobless Pakistani youth for the post-Covid19 time. Moreover, other technical skills such as mechanic, electrician, etc. for the uneducated youth should also be preferred in this respect. The more we plan to engage our youth, the better it is in view of the hard-pressed times ahead. (the thing is talking so much about the unemployed youth does not suit the tone of the essay before this at all. You have discussed the cultural changes, security issues and also crime rates. These are not directly linked to such a specific group as unemployed youth so giving them such a disproportionately large space in this sort of recommendations paragraph does not makes much sense. Tailor the recommendations to the concerns and issues raised previously in the essay so that the reader know that you aren't just pointing fingers but can not only see the problems in their proper contexts but also have suggestions on how tackle them.)


Coronavirus is a cataclysmic occurrence of this century which has potential to change everything for ever ("forever" together) entailing vastly ("and will entail vast" ) pernicious effects. The more aggressive efforts are taken to contain it, the better it is (remove. End on better). In addition, the more we prepare for adopting in the post-Covid19 time, the less problematic would it be. (" it will be") Nonetheless, the central government need to take holistic efforts in coordination with the provincial governments for both current-and-post-Covid19 period and not to take solo flight as witnessed during lockdown situation. It created more confusion than helped to contain the crisis. (the last sentence lacks a sense of conclusion and finality. Add something that ties it all together. And if nothing else always end on a positive or hopeful note. It just gives a better impression.)



Grateful for time, thorough review and above all sincerity to the cause of helping.

I will be requesting for review on these additional write-ups whenever you have got time:


1. http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-dates...conundrum.html

2. http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compu...-mistakes.html


Thanks a lot for all the help.
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