|
Share Thread: Facebook Twitter Google+ |
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
#1
|
||||
|
||||
Stupid Lawyers' Questions
"The first thing a lawyer learns in law school is never ask a witness at a court proceeding any question he doesn't know the answer to ! "
Hear are some excerpts from actual court cases. Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything? Witness: After the accident? Lawyer: Before the accident. Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Lawyer: And Mr. Johnson was dead at the time? Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. The next day the testimony of the doctor continued. (same lawyer) Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Witness: No. Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure? Witness: No. Lawyer: Did you check for breathing? Witness: No. Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Witness: No. Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor? Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult? Witness: We both do. Lawyer: Voodoo? Witness: Yes we do. Lawyer: You do? Witness: Yes, voodoo. Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated? Witness: By death. Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated? Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? Witness: Yes. Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time? Lawyer: What is your date of birth? Witness: July fifteenth. Lawyer: What year? Witness: Every year ! Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide? Witness: (looking confused) Is that a question? Lawyer: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? Witness: Yes. Lawyer: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? Witness: Yes, sir. Lawyer: What did she say? Witness: She said 'What disco am I at?' Lawyer: Mr. Smith, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? Witness: I went to Europe, Sir. Lawyer: And you took your new wife? Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement? Witness: Yes. Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also? Lawyer: She had three children, right? Witness: Yes. Lawyer: How many were boys? Witness: None. Lawyer: Were there any girls? Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw? Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard. Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female? Lawyer: And where was the location of the accident? Witness: Approximately milepost 499. Lawyer: And where is milepost 499? Witness: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Lawyer: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Witness: What do you think counselor. Lawyer: Did he kill you? Witness: Excuse me counselor can you repeat the question? Lawyer: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Lawyer: And why did that upset you? Witness: My name is Susan. Lawyer: What happened then? Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me" Lawyer. And did he kill you? Witness: Yes! Lawyer: (Showing the witness a picture) That's You? Witness: Yes. Lawyer: And you were present Right ! when the picture was taken ? |
The Following User Says Thank You to Buddha For This Useful Post: | ||
Tassawur (Tuesday, March 11, 2014) |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Young lawyers face tough time in Pakistan | sajidnuml | Off Topic Lounge | 2 | Wednesday, January 13, 2016 02:54 PM |
Lawyers beat ASI in court premises | Saqib Riaz | News & Articles | 22 | Friday, August 07, 2009 07:07 PM |