Quote:
Originally Posted by San Sufi
PRECIS
Some years ago, Ishmael, in want of money, and due to disinterest in the world, decided to go on a sea voyage. It was his way of escaping from financial woes, sorrow, depression and fear of death. Voyage to sea was Ishmael's substitute for suicide. If people were aware of the simplicity of the act, they would have garnered feelings towards the ocean similar that of Ishmael's.
Title: Sea Voyage - a panacea for disappointment
Given Words: 204
Words after precis: 67
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This is a good attempt but always try to make your precis more effective.
1)Don't repeat the phrase of main paragraph instead of writing "some years ago" write " few years back" simply re-phrase the sentence by using synonyms.
2) Use parallel structure of sentence to make it more effective. Instead of writing " Ishmael, in want of money, and due to disinterest in the world, decided to go on a sea voyage" write " Ishmael, due to want of money and disillusioned by world decided to ....." In same manner instead of writing " It was his way of escaping from financial woes, sorrow, depression and fear of death" write " It was his way of escaping from financial woes, worldly sorrows, psychotic depressions and death anxiety"
3) Avoid grammatical mistakes
"similar to that of" is correct of usage