Your outline is really good. Introduction part is much better as you have aptly steered it. It starts with the introduction and then origin and nature (which, of course, has many varieties). Evolution, democracy in the west and then in Pakistan (a funnel technique) is commendable. You can also add briefly about the hurdles and hopes of democracy in introduction section too which will make your essay bright. Write your thesis statement then just indicating it as it gives the overview of your essay.

Topic 3 and 4 is also very important by keeping the current situation in consideration. As Islam transitioned from democratic to a non-democratic type of governments-Islamic teachings to follow those who are in authority through Shura (consultation) - challenges to democracy in the Islamic world.

Topic 4 is also good as it gives a world’s perspective. Topic 5 is okay but topic 6 needs to be trimmed with less number of outlines. Here, there is a chance of deviation from the essay. In my opinion, do not mention any leader name to hide your political affiliations. Even if, you do not have any affiliation it would be a gross mistake to mention their names in the essay. Because the essay or democracy doesn’t revolve around a specific leader. (I have tonnes of reason to argue but I hope there is no need of that). It’s a straight way to deduct one’s own marks. However, if it is really necessary to mention their names you can do it in this way. “One school of thought in Pakistan thinks that democracy died with the death of Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto.”

Topic 7 is the real beginning of your essay. In political hurdles, you have started with the “dearth of leadership” which is amazing. As the country's politics has been dominated by feudal lords like Zamindars, Jagirdars, Nawabs, Sardars, etc. with no visionary leader like Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah. The rest of the topics in economic, social, religious, institutional sections need a bit improvement or minor changes as few of them can be skipped or they are overlapping with one another. However, if you can qualify your argument I might be proved wrong. I think that there is no need of “external hurdles” in this essay. Though the US, for instance, has been involved in regime change throughout the world but to mention any foreign intervention, one has to argue with strong evidence.

With so many hurdles there remains a little chance of hope. Topic 8 contains important points which can be extended widely. I really admire this section of the topic. However, few topics in this section need to be covered by taking care of different perspectives.

Suggestion part is bit lengthy. I think instead of “insured” the more appropriate word is “ensured”. I am hopeful that with this outline you are going to clear essay if it is written in flawless grammar.
Best of luck!