Although not particularly invited, I could not resist replying because you have unknowingly used a slang word in your essay .... I do not want to repeat that word in my post and request the mods to delete that from your post as well ( I assume the mods will know )
Other than that you have made a following few mistakes (to mention a few)
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also about the international countries’s situation-people can raise....
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should be
countries'
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.....in the era of late president Musharraf.
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He is not dead yet
Use
former president
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We may often see a glamorous gal (girl) in a talk show on a very threatening issue
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over use of the expression "threatening" ... There are a few other instances in your essay where you have over used certain expressions
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Majority of the people watching the show are more interested in her figure ....
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I think its immoral to write this statement in an essay. After all it's an essay not a news report
Besides these that I mentioned, there are numerous mistakes relating to grammar, composition of the sentence and even quality of the substance
I suggest you to get some tips on essay writing from this forum and elsewhere. Your conclusion was appreciable.
P.S : Try to get your essay checked by some one who is able to guide you face to face.
Good Luck