Originally Posted by aishalam

I didn't even get to the shortlist stage which was a bummer but I had fun writing this all the same. They returned my essay with a score of 40/100 and their primary concern being that my Thesis Statement is not a statement. Fair point but most thesis statements are not statements. And a concern was raised that my essay was "too literary and philosophical" but I think that's the point. I'd rather stick with my writing style than conform to a tone dictated as the only "right" academic way of writing. If they had pointed out a structural error I would be glad to take it on board but c'est la vie.

As to your comments, I greatly appreciate them and fully see the point you are trying to make. I included the portion on Literature not being sustenance to acknowledge the counter-argument often made against this philosophical topic- that literature though essential isn't the most important thing. I wanted to acknowledge that basic necessities come first BUT you would exist without having really lived if you disregard the impact of Literature. That's why I used words like "thrive" and making our life here "worthwhile" in the second half of the TS. I agree that putting the basic necessities first puts an undue spotlight on them so the TS needs restructuring. I'm grateful for your comment and I'll definitely post my thoughts on your outline and introduction soon.