Thread: Essay Competition Topics
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Old Monday, June 01, 2009
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Mumtaz Hayat Maneka Mumtaz Hayat Maneka is offline
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Default My humble Opinion about Astute Accountant's essay
Dear Astute Accountant i appreciate your effort and the fact that you were the only contestant to post your essay and that too, before time. But when it comes to checking i have to be genuine and unbiased because i have to see this essay according to the requirements of FPSC's essay paper. ( I am in no way suggesting that i am in any way an authority on the subject ).

Your essay is fine but in my opinion it lacks the following.

1. A detailed Outline before the essay
2. A proper Introduction
3. Thesis Statement
4. A css essay has much more to it than just the topic. I choose this topic because since last few years there has been a great deal of controversy regarding the state of women rights in islam and gender discrimination in Muslim countries. The propoganda has recieved a lot of coverage acorss the globe.Therefore you had to start of with the current scenario and then lead toward the basic rights of women in islam.

A few suggestions from my side. These points hould have been incorporated in your essay.

1. Current scenario, Western Propoganda or reality
2. Reasons behind the plight of women in Muslim States
3. Then may be with what you have started.
4. Steps with which we can improve the state of Women in the Muslim World

A lot more can be written, but i will remain relevant.

Over all, your essay is more suited as an answer to a question on the Status of women in Islam in Islamiyat Paper but not in English Essay Paper.

P.S: Please do not loose heart, it is criticism for the sake of Improvement and for the benefit of other aspirants.

Regards
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M-M-M
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Mumtaz Hayat Maneka For This Useful Post:
Astute Accountant (Wednesday, June 03, 2009), dr.atifrana (Monday, June 01, 2009), hanna (Monday, June 01, 2009), Viceroy (Monday, June 01, 2009), Artemis (Monday, June 01, 2009), pakdoctor (Thursday, July 30, 2009), Raz (Monday, June 01, 2009)