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When one is indulged in many troubles, there comes one lesson—good hope of the future. Its virtue is historically proven and even vigorously advocated by the religion of the Muslims—Islam. If we replicate this fruitful lesson in the present circumstances of Pakistan one should expect a bright future and that one patriotic Pakistani must do. The ground reality is, there are innumerable challenges obstructing the way of nascent democracy, even though, it could not be called a true democracy if seen in the context of its definition
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Always try to initiate with the words that appears sound and catches attention. You have a nice attempt, but you can also start with these sentences,
Democracy is the art of possible( the opening sentence must be banked upon very good lines)
Democracy is the panacea of all evils
or The Future lies in democracy.
Good hope for the future rather of the future.......(first line) vigorously advocated by Islam(2nd line).
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Past of democracy in Pakistan is overshadowed by the long-regimes of dictators. If we see democracy in the historical perspective there would be nothing else than a gloomy picture. We can only derive lessons from the past 62 years.
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Past of Democracy or The history of democracy.
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February 18 elections in 2007 are generally thought to be a transition from dictatorship to democracy. Before and after, many crucial events took place which are favorable to the shinny future of democracy. For instance, boom in media which to some extent assumed its chartered role. Similarly, revival of judiciary brought by active movement for the restoration of sacked judges. One can point out many flaws in the viability of these two state-pillars—judiciary and media, but at the same time he would have to acknowledge that these two state institutions have assumed their due participation and active role which ever absent
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Feb 18 election in 2007 is generally.......he would have to............ (6th line){replaced by} one must acknowledge.............Which was absent before(last line),
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One man show is over—another positive side of democracy. This development has opened a way for discussion and debate on the national issues, and now at-least there is some participation of the representatives of the people in decision-making. One must learn here, this process has always been suppressed in the dictators regime, although, dummy governments worked under the dictators.
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opened up a way................(Ist line), although needs to be replaced with though(last line).
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Besides, weaknesses of democracy in Pakistan can never be neglected. There is much needed to be done at all levels. The state-institutions are not so robust against internal and external pressures. Even, political parties are devoid of true democracy in themselves. They are ruled by one family—Muslim league by Sharif and People’s Party by Bhutto family. Above all, one man show is preponderant in the roots of the Pakistani society. The decisions are made by heads of the families almost without any consultation and consensus of its members. On the other hand, foreign intrusions and conspiracies are on their way and an ever present tussle between the democratic and dictator elements is still active.
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Weakening of democracy..................(1st line)This is much needed to be worked out at all level......(2nd line)............ in themselves(delete these words)(3rd line)
It seems you are sometimes detracking, like the fourth last sentence, The decisions.................
It was a nice attempt. Though i did not have any literature background and command on grammar, but i tried my best to figure out the mistakes.