Too funny to believe!

By Ansar Abbasi

ISLAMABAD: If true, it is unbelievable. But even if it is untrue, it is too interesting to be overlooked.

An e-mail received by this correspondent contained an assumed ‘English essay’ written by one of contenders for top civil services in Pakistan in a Central Superior Services (CSS) examination. But whatever it is, it makes a funny reading.

According to the sender of the e-mail, rumour has it that the guy had cleared the CSS and is now serving in a Punjab district. The essay was written on ‘Cow’.

"You’ll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a CSS candidate at the CSS exam held in year 2002-03 in Islamabad," claimed the source.

However, the spokesman for the Federal Public Service Commission (FPSC) when contacted said this is next to impossible that a written paper of a CSS candidate gets into circulation. "We preserve the written papers for one year and later destroy them," explained the spokesman.

Without ascertaining its authenticity, the suspected essay is reproduced here for the interest of the readers:

"He is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed. And because he is female, he gives milks, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, water mans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species.

"Also his other motion. Gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes, in hand, and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards he chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow."

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