Woman is most adorable and respectable creation of God (WOMEN ARE THE MOST) ,human existence would have been (be) mysterious and undefined without woman(Women). God created adam(Capital A) as his vicergent (viceregent) and eve as his companion who eventually glorified the very purpose of human creation(Creation) on earth.Gone are the days when woman was(were) merely considered as inferior and subordinate to male dominant society.Today women are as important as man(MEN),there would hardly be any profession(Spelling) where woman’ supreme role can be neglected. But despite these facts , today woman still seems to be persecuted and suppressed in certain corners of THE world.There till prevail retrogreesive(Spelling) and narrow mindsets ,who have fettered the dynamics of woman empowerment .we(Capital W) need to discourage these kinds of customs and conventions by granting woman her due prestige and honour.

Woman is as (WOMEN ARE AS) vital and important in society as man (MEN).she can render her duties very diligently and intellectually in every sphere of society, and even more enthusiastically than man .Infact,woman are more responsible than their counterparts,besides their tedious?(INNAPPROPRIATE WORD) career they look after their families with very much(OMIT) care and love.Contrary to this, men do not indulge themselves in home affairs as much as women do.Such charismatic character of woman(WOMEN) depicts how important her contribution is towards society.When she walks out of home ,her ambitions are as lofty as stars, and when she returns home her caring nature portrays her bold and delicate quality .

However, woman (E) had very hard and struggling past .Past pages of history shows how helpless and illtreated she was (THEY WERE) .The birth of female child use to be considered as sign of dishonor and curse by her own father. Newly born child could hardly get love of her mother and soon gets burried. Such barbaric and inhuman attitude of people curtailed the very basic rights of woman ,she was only embraced as source of amusement and pleasure. Woman could not voice? (FIGHT FOR) her rights and speak for her due privileges before male dominant uncivilized society of that cruel time. This humiliating period of history is known is (AS) pre-islamic or dark age of ignorance, human beings had hardly witnessed such dark age as that was.

But arrival of islam brought new message for victimized woman of past by granting her (THEM) an elevated status in society. Islam forbade all kinds of uncivilized actions against woman , she received unprecedented privileges which were never given to her before islam. Inheritance in the property was granted to her with significant proportion. Islam introduced woman as one of the dignified creation of Allah who enjoys as much freedom as man does. All discrepancies against woman were curbed, her safety and respect were made mandatory for man in all forms, whether she is mother, daughter,sister or wife.

Contrary to Islamic point of view regarding woman , west has implied very sordidly trend of exploiting woman . western culture has awarded woman an unbridled and unrestricted freedom that was never envisaged few decades ago.According to western ideology woman has been confined to unjustified customs of veilding ,having conserved and backward bent of mind by islam. Western culture pretend to be more liberal and woman friendly as compared to Islamic doctrine for woman .There are Clubs, recreational centres and amusement parks in western countries for woman to participate, woman is encouraged to project her self as model by wearing western styled clothes, they encourage woman to keep extramarital relations? (NO SOCIETY ENCOURAGES THIS) . According to western concept of freedom children are free to do whatever they wish to do , their parents have no right to hinder them by any means when they cross puberity age.T here is absolute ignorance of parents value , but inspite of these facts they claim themselves much liberal and their woman more privileged than any other society.


MORAL VALUES ARE GETTING WEAKER IN WESTERN COUNTRIES BUT THE SOCIETY IS STILL FUNCTIONING. INSTITUTION OF FAMILY STILL EXIST IN WESTERN COUNTRIES, THE SITUATION IS NOT BLEAK AS YOUR PARAGRAPH IS STATING. AVOID SUCH EXXAGERATION!

Like man ,woman plays very considerable role in our society in different occupations .There are thousands of females who carry out their tasks as a teacher with lots of zeal and vigor. As teacher she educates the masses with enormous knowledge and inculcate in them the sense of duty and devotion. As lawyer she interprets the laws , as an engineer she invents ,as a doctor she looks after patients , and as trend of recent time women join the military as well to defend the borders of their country just like males. It would be hard to exclude woman from any Profession ,as she has justified her precious presence in all walks of life.

Though woman has played her part in every field ,but the discriminatory trends and laws of narrow minded people have always been heaping scorns on woman participation in various spheres of life . These rusted mindsets have challenged the woman to proceed any further. Because of our traditional and very negative approach we have prevented woman to seek good education, good health facilities and have trapped them in communal taboos. In rural areas of Pakistan we would hardly observe a good ratio of female students because of just discussed communal taboos. Even women are left alone to fight her fortune in absence of female doctor, when she is pregnant or very serious. Most of parents especially in villages consider female education as heinous crime. Because of very slow pace of justice such discriminatory customs are very prevalent in asian countries like Pakistan , india and Bangladesh.
Besides these communal taboos there are so many challenges faced by woman in recent time. One of the biggest challenge faced by her in society is the male chauvinism that has strangled the very freedom of woman in different fields. Our old concept of male dominance can still be observed in some quarters of this society, according to this out dated ideology woman has no right to acquire profession at her own wishes. Second, problem that she encounters nowadays the filthy mindsets who abuse woman in various forms .women are being victimized under this heinous crime , perpetrators are not prosecuted strictly and eventually women are traumatized .There is no such system of adjudication through which justice can be given to them.
In the light above facts ,we must participate in empowering the woman’s status by eradicating the old customs and taboos of our society. This can only be possible if there would speedy justice and absolute rule of law .there should education awareness programs in rural areas ,so that the prestige of woman may be highlighted In such backward areas. In this regard all NGO’S and private organizations must be encouraged to uplift the loftiest character of woman. Law enforcement agencies must persecute the criminals involved in woman abuse and woman harassment cases. Very importantly all of us must respect the woman without any difference all the time.
Lets not forget us that we have been pampered and brought up
In the caring hands of woman whom we call as our mother. So we must pay tribute and respect this great personality . we should treat them as our backing partner rather than giving posture of hatred and difference. Women suppression and their humiliation must be discouraged , because this is how we can project ourselves as a good civilization , and woman is the index of civilization.


I have attempted to highlight SOME grammatical errors in your essay; unfortunately your essay is very weak in terms of grammar. I suggest you read through your essay and identify grammar mistakes yourself.

I have not thoroughly focused on the content yet, however I have made few remarks on it, the main cause of concern is grammar.

In terms of content, your essay is mostly opinion based; no concrete facts or arguments can be found in your essay. Avoid opinion based essays as examiners look for facts and good arguments.

Remember ‘WOMEN’ is plural and ‘WOMAN’ is singular, you must know the difference, same applies to ‘MAN’ and ‘MEN’. I suggest you pay more attention to sentence structuring and practise till you become perfect.

Your essay is not short of ideas, you just need to be present your ideas in a more logical and structure manner, not mention the use of correct grammar.

Keep working hard, and if you need any further advice then I am always happy to help