Dear Rishzzz,

Your essay is grammatically sound, I hardly spotted any grammar mistakes, I would recommend that you use the word 'ethnicity' rather than 'racial' as it will be more suitable in the context given.

In terms of content, I would urge you to pay more attention to the content of your essay. Your essay paints a very grim picture of Pakistan, therefore, it is in conformity with bigotry. It is not a good idea to criticize every organ of the state, I am not saying that you are incorrect in your criticism but your ideas/views do not constitute as constructive criticism, rather they are incomplete and prejudiced.

Please note that we do have independent judiciary, not all politicians are busy screwing the common people, and work is being done to promote inter-provincial harmony. I can provide examples if necessary to prove my point.

An essay is a discussion, a thought process showing both sides of the argument, and you should only give your opinion in the conclusion, your essay is radiating with personal opinions which according to me are not completely found on proof or certainty.

Last thing I would like to point out, please re-consider the use of quotations as I find them inappropriately placed. Imran Khan is not an authority on the subject, hence it will be foolish to give any importance to his quotation, using his quotes is a fallacy itself, and it should be avoided.

Your expression is excellent but I found your thought process ineffective, please pay more attention to the content, further elaborate on arguments, add balance to your essay to enhance the quality.

Further analysis and suggestion can be provided on request;

Disclaimer: All feedback given by me is provided in good faith. I am not trying to discourage anyone by criticizing their work. Criticism is intended for purposes of constructive analysis with the aim of improving the quality of work. If you find my exercise futile then you may ignore it.