Quote:
Originally Posted by princess 1
Essay that you ptresent is all about terrorism.
buit every essay consists of three parts
Issues
, causes
remedies
Dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism
1-Issues
a-9\11 attack Superpowee wants war a not doialogue
b-dialogue reduces tentions after bombai blast
c-Palestine issue is absence of Successful dialogue.
d-Afghanistan has internal conflict and no urge of dialogue
e-Iraq is politically destabilzed due to lack of consensus
f-India is not agree on peaceful dialogue on Kashmir issue
2-Causes
a-Kiosk after cold war
b-kashmir issue is cause of mumbai blast
c-Hamas and Fateh have not one voice for palestine
d-political paties conflict in Afghanistan
e-US involvement in iraq political affairs
f-United nation could not force India for dialogue
3-Remedies
a-unity of muslim world
b-role of ulema
c-role of UN
d-role of OIC
e-Rehabitation and education facilituies in war zone
f-Enlightment
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okay miss princess....let's take your essay step by step. i hope by the end of it you ll have a clear idea what this essay demanded.
let's analyze your start:
1-Issues
a-9\11 attack Superpowee wants war a not doialogue
b-dialogue reduces tentions after bombai blast
c-Palestine issue is absence of Successful dialogue.
d-Afghanistan has internal conflict and no urge of dialogue
e-Iraq is politically destabilzed due to lack of consensus
f-India is not agree on peaceful dialogue on Kashmir issue
the title was (almost) dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism. now the start of a good/perfect essay demands us to do things:
1- Give the basic definitions or declare what definition of a topic are you considering for example there can be many definitions for a single word. so this means you give a little definition or introduction to the main theme. here you will define what a dialogue is and what terrorism is...
20 the examiner does not want to wait till the end to read your conclusion or to grasp the idea that which side of the topic are you going to support or write about.so your very first paragraph should show what you will talk about and how will you put it.
you on the other hand have started with examples. that is most inappropriate. change your start. and why have you divided your essay in issue, causes and remedies. this essay could be tell them about what you will tell them, tell them and tell them what you told them anyways the start should have an introduction and should impart a fair bit of information to the examiner.
your part should have been to impart the necessasity or the uselessness of a dialogue. it shall depend upon which side you take in the essay. for example if you are for the topic you could right about the mounting civilian causualties throughout the world. the inability of the US to root out Al-Qaeda altogether and other information. Tell the examiner about the history of dialogues on the international dialogues. for examiple the issue between Ireland and England etc etc. even the recent dialogues with the Taliban in AFghanistan could be your touchstone. if you are against the topic you can say that the terroristis follow no religion nor surrender to any civil or divine laws why have a dialogue with such beasts etc etc. this will be the part of essay where you will make or break the essay.
The last part of your essay seems fine...you could identify the stakeholders...how the dialogues should be conducted...under what circumstances and what conditions. who could act as the mediators.. possibily identify the roles of the leading Muslims nations and UN etc.
Give the conclusion in the end...remember to tell them what you have already told them but in a voice that is appealing and attractive!!!
hope this does it...in your essay the sequence seems to be out of line and things are haphazzard.