@Amubin

Some hints:

1. The first thing that you MUST remember. Do not try to portray things in background as a major theme of the story. For example you have made "Storm" as the main theme which is shown in background. Focus on the main picture. Although, you can just discuss it in a sentence.

2. You have made a positive result of all the situation, it is a good point.

3. Avoid using words such as " When doctor saw this {terrible} situation ......". The word terrible should not be used.

Regards