It is purely a scientific topic, which needed the explanations on scientific basis, the approach you have mentioned via this brief outline, seems to be fine and up to the mark.Although it is an explanation of the second part, i.e, diseases caused by obesity, a little more explanation was required about ''obesity'' itself, that how it becomes the root cause of all diseases and physical problems.

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what humbugs we r,who pretend to live for beauty and never see the dawn :)