English is good ,thoughts are coherent and arranged systematically.
For short essay it is excellent but if you write for any essay in css or other exam ,then you must write in the format of essay like introduction,body and conclusion.
You have not given any paragraph,there must be paragraph eg merits in one paragraph and demerits in one paragraph .

One another point you keep in mind while writing an essay,dont use like sentences ,in my point of view etc,because in essay ,it is completely of your own ideas .
Overall excellent