Don't be pessimistic about your result, things can be different when result will be declared. As you yourself said you were not expecting failure in essay but that happened, so you can be proved wrong in a positive way. Yet, if it comes as per your estimation, even then the game is not over. CSS is a mean not the end in itself, there is life beyond CSS, you can not see all of your dreams realized in your life, there is a power that is much more stronger and authentic than you. HIS favors are not so simple that we can understand, HE bestows us through other way if one is not working for us. I can understand it is not easy to accept circumstances when you are all over the place due to fortune or mistakes, but this is how life goes. 3 years have passed....no doubt.... were you sure about life of 3 years? No.. never. I know many people who are inside CSA and they rate people who are outside CSA, luckier. Your hard work will pay you anyways, if not through CSS. The commitment you have developed in yourself is a rule of thumb in life, the knowledge you have attained will serve you through every walk of life. Understand it is a competitive exam, all what you can do is to try. You cant stop others, you can cross them, if not.... you may be designed for some other track.

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For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness