Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeshan1001
The CE-2013 was my last attempt. My life, on the last day of exam, totally changed. I have no more chances to transform my dream into reality. Marked by failures, due to essay, my 3 precious years were ruined. I scored 670 with psychology and geography last year but as soon as I attempted the psycho paper in 2013, I knew my CSS was over. I knew that even if I pass, I wouldn't be able to get allocated. I burnt the mid night oil while staying in hostels for about 2.5 years. Adverse conditions like energy crisis, blazing heat and, financial crisis engulfed me with full intensity. I did things which I would have never otherwise done in my life.
English writing was always my best skill. In fact, it was a skill which pushed me to take this exam. I still remember when I got an A-grade in an English writing course while my whole batch got a D-grade. I still remember then time when my teacher said in front the whole class that she had never checked a paper like that before in her life. I still remember that my writings were given to other students as a sample for good writing. I still remember that I got 4 A grades in 4 English papers of my bachelor degree. Still I failed in English essay, which made me frustrated and confused to what was wrong. I went to all the so called ‘Essay Guru’ teachers so they might highlight the short-comings of my essay. But, they all ended up shaping my outlines one way or another which was of least importance as far as an essay is concerned. Some said skip intro some said skip conclusion which were wild ideas. I knew it because essays are not written without an introduction and conclusion. So, English proved fatal for me.
Ironically, the stigma of failure due to the essay overshadows the whole performance of the candidate. Even parents and close friends are now skeptic about my competency. They have started to think that they might have interpreted my capabilities wrongly. There is no one to explain to them that a person who gets 70 in EDS, 73 in Sociology, 124 in Geography and 140 in Psychology is not at all an incompetent person.
Resultantly, a sense of disgrace is prevailing in my personality. It is difficult to face people who have prayed day and night for my success. I was almost dead when my mother, who happens to be a primary pass, said to me “Tumko mazmoon likhna nae aata?” My career lags far behind those who graduated with me. I lost all my good days of youth in which I could have done something for my family. I could have at least helped them to come out of the crises they were facing. But, I failed to maximum extent.
To cap it all, I did my best but I am totally shattered now. I no more say that English is my best skill. I have also stopped writing my blog and letters to the editors. I feel embarrassed and consequently I lost all my confidence. Now, I am someone who failed the CSS exam. Life will never be the same again.
I don’t say that this is only my story. I just wrote it on part of all those who felt the same. I just wish you all best of luck and pray that you all be successful to achieve your dreams [Aameen]. With heavy heart and shattered hopes I return back to my old life – a life of someone unknown and a life of someone unimportant.
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I wonder that you have attempted C.E-2013 whose result is yet to come; and you have yourself reached to decide that your failure in essay or in any other subject is inevitable. Allah says: "Tum mujh say jaisa ghuman rakho gay may tumhay waisa atta karoon ga". So dear, why so much frustration? why shouldn't you just hope and pray for the best. Your previous failures-- as I will not call them failure, for you have done a marvellous job, it was just predestined--do not have any relation with your this attepmt. This time, inshAllah you will succeed with flying colours.
It goes without saying that your writing is outstanding and praiseworthy. You have a tendency to draw a picture of your ideas in words. With such exceptional skills, you are having all capabilities to achieve something worthy in your life. What you need is to stop paying heed on your surroundings such as what others are thinking about you and so forth; and just converge your whole energy to do something remarkable for yourself, for your family and dears, and for your country. I know these things such as to advise others to overcome negative emotions seem easy to be described in words, but to apply them practically is the real test of one's personality. I believe you can.
Css is not an end of life. 'Sitaron say aagay jahan or bhi hain'. I pray that may you achieve success in your this attempt. But, God forbid, if something otherwise happens, you should have a heart of courage to tolerate the realigy and to put still more efforts to raise high in your life.
Believe me, I am considering myself novice in giving advice to a mature person like you. But after reading your comments on this thread I thought it necessary to express my views in regard to yours. I just want to say: "Jo yekeen ki raah per nikal parry unhay manzilon ne panah di, jinnhe waswasson ne dara dya wo qadam qadam per behak gaye".
May Allah lead you to success.