Originally Posted by Ahmed Faisal

As far as my minute knowledge is concerned, I have observed that your topic is "Democracy" so lets examine your outline and introduction in the light of the Word "Democracy"


up to this point you are on the track... lets go ahead.



Why your focus is only on Pakistan...Your topic is democracy, so you had better discuss democracy around the world and not only Pakistan.

CONCLUSION



keeping in our mind Pakistan's democracy, this is an awesome attempt. However, Always remember that essays are never asked like that. They never ask you to write on Democracy, Terrorism, Women, etc... They always give you Cristal clear dimension. If we talk about Democracy there are so many dimension such as:

Critical analysis of Democracy in Pakistan
Democracy around the world...
Democracy in Islam...
Compare and contrast democracy with Theocracy...
Meaning and purpose of Democracy...

When you would write essay on above mentioned topic, the thesis statement and other contents should be changed. the method, outline, and many others things would be changed. So, when you prepare essay on any topic, try to cover every perspective of that particular topic. Unfortunately, it is a bitter reality that the main reason of failure in the essay is misunderstanding of the essay topic...

Well its my humble request, either change your topic or change your outline...Stay blessed...