Know your English
"Your company seems to be doing quite badly. According to my cousin... "
"Have you come here to cheer me up or make me feel even more depressed?"
"Sorry! How did your boss react when people started selling their shares?"
"He didn't turn a hair."
"Didn't turn a hair, eh? How could he? Your boss is completely bald!"
"He's
as bald as a coot, isn't he? When you say,..."
"What is a coot? Is it an animal of some kind?"
"It's a bird. And... "
"
When you say that someone is as bald as a coot, what you probably mean is that the person is completely bald. Am I right?"
"One hundred per cent. My neighbour is as bald as a coot."
"My twenty-five year old cousin is as bald as a coot. We've been telling him to wear a wig."
"Maybe someone should tell Sehwag to wear one as well. Ever since he started losing hair, he's stopped scoring runs."
"Maybe he's related to Samson! Anyway, what does
`didn't turn a hair' mean?"
"
When you give someone bad news and he doesn't show any emotion, you say, `he didn't turn a hair'."
"When my boss was told that the union members were going on strike, he didn't turn a hair."
"He's a cool customer, isn't he?"
"He certainly is. I wouldn't want his job, though. He has to take a lot quick decisions. I want a job where I don't have to take any. A job... "
"Then become a Supreme Court Judge. The only time he takes a quick decision is when he has to decide whether Doordarshan should be given telecast rights for a cricket match."
"You have a point there."
"Turn on the TV, will you? I want to... "
"There's something wrong with it."
"It's not even a year old. It's still in guarantee, isn't it?"
"You don't say that something is `in guarantee', but `under guarantee'. Yes, the TV is still under guarantee."
"How about this example? I have to remind my father that the air conditioner is still under guarantee."
"Good example. By the way, the stress in guarantee is on the final syllable. Not on the first. How is your friend Sunita doing?"
"She's doing great! She's got a job in a call centre and is working alongside of Arun and Sarah."
"She works alongside Arun and Sarah.
You don't say `alongside of'. For example, the children took great delight in working alongside the clowns."
"Senior citizens were seen fighting alongside soldiers."
"We jogged alongside the Olympic champion..."
"I understand how to use `alongside' now. So, please stop. Tell me, are you in the mood for a movie?"
"A movie, eh? Not a bad idea! Going out might do me a world of good. It might help me overcome my depression. Can you wait for a while? I'll take a bath, and then... "
"Take your bath? Shouldn't you say, `I'll have my bath'?
"You can either `take a bath' or `have a bath'. Both are acceptable. The British say `have a bath', while Americans say, `take a bath'."
"OK then, you have your bath. While I'm waiting, I'll write a letter."
"A letter? To whom?"
"To Sehwag. I'm going to tell him to wear a wig."
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans." — Woody Allen
S. UPENDRAN