Originally Posted by Buddha

Last night I had a dream that I passed the CSS 2014 exam and I got a call for the interview. Next moment I’m with a panel who’s taking my interview. Here it goes:

Chairman: So your name is Budha? Are you old or what?
Me: Sir D is actually daal daant wala not daal dadoo wala.
Chairman: So this is Buddha? Gautam Buddh?
Me: Yes sir.
Ch: Ok. Tell me about your favourite film actress?
Me: Sir?
Ch: I was kidding. Tell me why the government is not hunting down the TTP and trying to get involved in a dialogue with it?
Me: Actually the Sharif government does not want its popularity to decline by launching an offensive against the TTP. This point could be used by the PTI against them. So they are trying to appease their voters.
Ch: So you mean to say their voters are TTP sympathizers?
Me: Exactly.
Ch: Are you a TTP sympathizer?
Me: No, but I have sympathy for such sympathizers.
Ch: Do you think that’s the only reason? Only a single cause?
Me: I could not think of any other cause.
Ch: Maybe the Army could not defeat the TTP, that’s why operation is not a good idea.
Me: The Army says it could defeat India in a war but it can’t defeat a few insurgents? Moreover, Army is willing to take action against them.
Ch: What do you think of Imran Khan?
Me: I like his songs.
Ch: Amplifier or Bewafa?
Me: I can relate to Bewafa.
Ch: Actually I was talking about Imran Khan Bollywood.
Me: He can’t act. Actually he is in the…
Miss B(interrupts): Imran Khan chairman of PTI? That’s what he is asking about.
Me: Yes, he was a good leader.
Miss B: Was?
Me: Yes, a good leader of our cricket team.
Miss B: Where is Afghanistan?
Me: West of Pakistan. North-East of Iran and South of Central Asian Republics.
Miss B: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Miss B: Can you give me its exact position?
Me: No
Miss B: You studied Geography?
Me: Yes.
Miss B: Then give me the longitude and latitude of Afghanistan.
Me: I’m sorry.
Sir KM: Do you like Karzai?
Me: No sir.
Sir KM: Why?
Me: I don’t know. I just don’t
Sir KM: What’s stopping the US troop withdrawal from Afghanistan?
Me: PTI’s dharna in Peshawar.
Sir KM: What?
Me: Sir, the troop withdrawal is on its way, but the US wants a graceful exit. That is why it is willing to sign a bilateral security agreement with the Afghan government but Karzai is acting as a thorn in its plans.
Sir KM: Let’s say you’re Obama what would you do in such a situation?
Me: I would withdraw all the troops as soon as possible from Afghanistan and try to focus on domestic problems instead of signing a BSA with Karzai.
Sir KM: Why?
Me: Because it is costing American economy a huge deficit and losses outweigh benefits by a large margin.
Sir KM: You don’t really know anything about Realist approach of international relations then?
Me: I do but it would be best in my opinion.
Chairman: Why do you want to become a Civil servant? You want to serve the nation right?
Me: Not really. But I consider it to be a good career choice.
Chairman: So you’re not interested in serving the nation?
Me: I did not say that. I mean I can serve the nation without becoming a civil servant and I would in my personal capacity whether I become a civil servant or not. I’m choosing it as a career, it has little to do with serving the nation.
Miss B: Have you read Indus Saga?
Me: No.
Miss B: What is your philosophy of life?
Me: Eat, drink and make merry.
Miss B: Isn’t it the philosophy of Socrates as well?
Me: No.
Chairman: You scored really well in the essay paper. From where did you study all that?
Me: Sir I did that on my own.
Chairman: Chalo na batao! Kitni dair mai tayari kee thee?
Me: Sir ek hafta parha tha.
Sir NR: Jhoot!
Me: Jee sir! 5 months I guess.
Sir NR: Do you like Sartre?
Me: Yes.
Sir NR: What do you like about him?
Me: He had so many love affairs and he told Simone de Beauvoir all about them without making her jealous. I like that about him.
Sir NR: I mean what do you think about his philosophy?
Me: I think it is useless, irrelevant and outdated.
Sir NR: Your philosophy of eat, drink and make merry is not outdated?
Me: No sir, don’t we still eat, drink and make merry?
Sir: What do you mean by drink? What do you like to drink?
Me: Pepsi.
Sir: Only Pepsi? I mean do you like to drink?
Me: Drink what sir?
Sir: Drink drink?
Me: Is that a beverage?
Sir: Nevermind!
Chairman: Are you kidding me? How can you not know what he is asking about! Don’t try to act so innocent. Your psychological test shows you have perv index of 80%.
Me: Is there a perv index as well?
Chairman: I think only we’re supposed to ask questions.
Me: Sorry sir.
Chairman: What if I tell you that you once you go outside this room you will turn into a big insect.
Me: Then I will understand that you’ve recently read Kafka.
Chairman: Impressive! I read about him on Wikipedia last night.
Me: Just like I guessed.
Miss B: You wrote that Zardari is your favourite personality? What do you like about Zardari?
Me: I like the way she dresses.
Miss B: She??
Me: Yes.
Miss B: Zardari is a man.
Me: I actually wrote Asifa Zardari.
Miss b: Oh! I missed it.
Chairman: She is your favourite personality?
Me: Yes sir.
Miss B: Do you know we were going to put you in FPS but after this blunder you don’t even deserve the Postal group. How can you be so dumb?
Me: So what are you going to do now?
Chairman: Simple! We’re going to throw you in PAS.


Then I wake up!