Know your English
“Hello! Come in! Come in! What are you doing here so early?”
“Nandini called and said that her computer was acting up. Thought it was a hardware problem.”
“Hardware problem, eh? Knowing Nandini, it’s probably a wetware problem.”
“Wetware problem? What does it mean?”
“The human brain is sometimes referred to as ‘wetware’. The next time you meet Nandini, tell her that she needs to update her wetware.”
“You have a point there. She doesn’t know anything about computers. In fact, there was nothing wrong with her computer. As you rightly said, it was a wetware problem. So, how are things with you?”
“Things are just great. How about you?”
“I’m glad that somebody is feeling great. I bumped into Chandu at the market. He looked like…”
“You ran into poor Chandu? Did he look like death warmed over?”
“Look like death warmed over? Doesn’t it mean that you want him dead or something like that?”
“Of course not! When you say that someone looks like death warmed over, what you mean is that the person looks terrible ill.”
“I see. How about this example? I saw Girish at the hospital. He looked like death warmed over.”
“Sounds fine! I haven’t slept in three days. I feel like death warmed over.”
“Feel like death warmed over? Does it mean you feel extremely tired?”
“Exactly! It’s also possible to say ‘like death warmed up’. They both have the same meaning.”
“O.K. Tell me, why does Chandu look like death warmed up?”
“I’m told he lost his shirt. Poor chap, he...”
“He looks like death warmed up because he lost some silly shirt. Is he crazy?”
“I don’t think you understand. When you say that someone lost his shirt, what you mean is he lost everything, including his shirt.”
“In other words, he is penniless. He has no money.”
“That’s right! He is broke. Chandu lost a lot of money in the stock market.”
“I see. How about this example? My friend Sandeep lost his shirt on some silly dog race.”
“Sounds good. Do you think I should lend Chandu some money and ask him to…”
“Go right ahead. It’s your funeral.”
“First, you talk about death, and now funeral. What does this expression mean?”
“When you tell someone that it’s his funeral, what you mean is that if he does something, he has to suffer the consequences.”
“I see. Go ahead, make the presentation without really preparing for it. It’s your funeral.”
“I’m told there are many crocodiles in this part of the river. But if you insist on swimming, I won’t stop you. It’s your funeral.”
“I think I understand the meaning now. I’d better go. I promised to meet Dilip at the new restaurant.”
“I went there yesterday. It’s no great shakes.”
“Meaning it’s not very good?”
“That’s right! According to Ananya the latest Harry Potter book is no great shakes.”
“That may be true. When it comes to judging restaurants, you’re no great shakes.”
“I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.” — Steven Wright
S. UPENDRAN