Quote:
Originally Posted by fizza anwer
man is the architect of his fate
Since the time immortal,man has been blaming destiny for his mismanagement of affairs.But evidences have proved that those who worked day and night and choose the right direction 4 their futures,succeed in making their futures bright.they have proved that hardwork is the only key to success.Through planning and struggle,man has made himself able to become the architect of his fate.man is capable of carving his future and becoming philosophers,writers,scientists astronomers and many more.
The old superstitious believe of relying on the destiny has been replaced by the fact that it is the one and only,man power which brings him out of the darknesses into light. Newton,einstein,mandleef they were all ordinary people.It was their hard work and determination which turns them into celebrities and their names shimmer on the globe.it is rightly said that
Man is the captain of his own ship
he is the architect of his own fate.
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First sentence:
1. Since time immemorial <- this is an idiom so cannot be altered
Second sentence
2. In the second sentence, "choose" should be "chose", why? because you have used past tense i.e "worked"
3. Also try not to start sentences with But, but if you do, remember to put comma (,) after it i.e But, However, Therefore, etc It is a better practice to use the word However instead. As a rule of them, when you use transition words/phrases at the beginning of the sentence, follow it with a comma.
4. No comma before succeed; also it should be "succeeded" because of the past tense. Although you can have multiple tenses in the same sentence, here it is not applicable. Why? because the verbs "chose" and "succeeded" are referring to the people WHO
WORKED in the past.
Fourth Sentence
5. Try to remain concise. Just simply say "Through planning and struggle, man has become the architect of his fate." Or "Through planning and struggle man has harnessed the capacity to become the architect of his fate." <- this is a suggestion.
Fifth Sentence
6. If you want to change tenses within the same paragraph, try to be careful. In the previous sentence (5) the tense was present perfect, i.e 'has become'...In this sentence you have switched to simple present 'is'. Although grammatically there is nothing wrong, it sounds a little odd. I would suggest "Man
has become capable of carving his own future and becoming
a philosopher, writer, scientist, astronomer and
much more. Note that the disciplines are singular i.e philosopher not philosopher
s, because the subject 'Man' is singular.
Sixth Sentence
7. Very long sentence
8. Belief not believe
9. No need for Comma
10. Dont know what you are trying to say here, but I think the theme of this sentence is "man can change his own destiny" and "Logic above superstition"
Seventh Sentence
11. Newton, Einstein,
and Mandleef were ordinary people; remove
they and
all
8th Sentence
12.
Turned not turns,
I hope this clears it. Any critique on my critique is most welcome
