Quote:
Originally Posted by RMKamran
Aoa,
Despite some loopholes, the outline seems good to me. Here are my following comments:
1.You did not mention “labour saving devices”. N if you did, then you should have mentioned them in the main body as well.
2.Rather penning down sentences, you should have used short words or broke them into 2-3 sub-points.
3. You have missed a major troublesome: cyber-crimes being done through electronic devices: online money laundering –hacking websites cause: - exploitation of privacy - threat to national security and sovereignty.
4. Since this is an argumentative essay, so whether you support or reject it, you should have also penned down a counter argument – the worthiness of labour saving devices – time saving – long-lasting and put less burden on the expenditure due to labour. N since you have supported the topic, so you should have put forward another counter argument to support your argument and counter the worthiness of such devices. In this section, one should be careful in the sense not to repeat the ideas.
5. If I had attempted this topic, I would have been given some examples from Pakistan as well.
6. Your way forward is good but this point could have been added:
- Ensuring the use of environment friendly technology in making labour saving devices
Well, I made two outlines. One on "war on terror" and the second one on your topic but I decided to go with the former. But, I have found your topic the easiest one. I wish you and everybody a warm best of luck. You kindly pray for me as well brother.
Stay blessed.
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well, if we discuss examples in the body, then no need to mention them in the outline. Secondly, the point of cyber crime is not directly linked to any labor saving device; cyber world is related to communication and thus not with work. Third, when we are required to discuss on the negative side of the issue, then why to give its positve side even in an argumentative essay? We may counter it while discusing in the body, though. Your last suggested point seems worth to have been mentioned.