Quote:
Originally Posted by exclusively
Great endevour dear, yes you can attempt like this, at my part I liked it. Although no one knows about the checker whether he would like it or not, yet it is a good write up.
Let me articulate it in my way:
Global earth is too susceptible to natural disasters. Neither elite, poor, nor any of the shrine could weed out earthquakes, tsunamis and cyclones. None area of the world probably be free from such catastrophic disasters irrespective of some areas which are likely less confronted with the intense disasters. Pakistan is one of the most funny and devastated countries in the world, that has been adversely affected due to the natural disasters by the inordinate measures taken. Recent earthquake of Pakistan is a case in point that has done tremendous damage to us and it would not likely be dissipated to do more devastation unless we we take it into account. Though natural calamities and unwanted economic loss could not be pull out, it can be shrunk with herculean tasks with holistic approach to lessen the more ravaging. Road map, both on national and international level, should be taken into account under the noting of disaster management. Apart from that, every individual of dear globe has to play his indispensable role with utmost endevour to come up with a vigilant efforts to extricate from more devastation.
Although I have sailed through the essay paper twice; yet I won't take it lightly, because taking CE15's result into consideration, we have to deem everything. Therefore, would love to retain constructive discussion.
Regards:
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These are the few things I would like to point out.
1. Instead of Global earth, globe earth or planet earth are most suitable phrases.
2. Instead of None area, this sentence could 've been better phrased as No palce on earth can evade such natural calamities.
3. Most funny ? I didn't get what you want to imply.
4. Recent Earthquakes in Pakistan have caused tremendous destruction
5. cannot be avoided would 've been a better phrase instead of cannot pull out.
6. Shrunk should be replaced with a more suited word.
There are few other things as well but in a nutshell I have following things to say
In my humble suggestion one must not use words in order to impress the examiner with them. We can use simple and routine words as long as they perfectly convey the main idea behind the script. Because sometimes a difficult word effects the flow/homogenity/coherence of the script and makes it a whole jumble.
There is another thing that I have observed: when we learn different words we do it by learning their meaning in Urdu but when we use them in our English writing, we sometimes spoils the whole sense of that sentence because at the back end of our mind we are translating our thoughts from Urdu to English. So what sometimes seems okay in Urdu doesn't go with the main Idea in English. So always try to write well structured and short sentences instead of longer ones with high end vocabulary.
Nobody is going to evaluate your verbosity but there are surely marks for better grammer and properly conveyed Ideas.
Never compromise your well-thought content over ill-practiced vocabulary.
Atleast this is what I feel .