View Single Post
  #10  
Old Tuesday, December 27, 2016
aniya warraich aniya warraich is offline
41st CTP (OMG)
CSP Medal: Awarded to those Members of the forum who are serving CSP Officers - Issue reason: CE 2012 Merit 407
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Karachi
Posts: 104
Thanks: 225
Thanked 97 Times in 53 Posts
aniya warraich is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abuturab View Post
"Pakistan is experiencing a critical phase of its existence" is the cliche doing the rounds on talk shows, drawing room discussions and even tea bars. What started as a hope of a better life and a new beginning on 14th August 1946 remains such- hope. All is well that ends well, they say, and we still have time to improve the system of governance that truly facilitates the people. A system which delivers the bare necessities of life and promises a good future for Pakistan.

Some may argue that this 'critical phase' is just a trumped up version to spread disillusion among the masses. However, a snapshot of the prevailing situation points the other way.

Governance was found in crisis during the continual droughts in Thar. Hundreds died without a cause. It was also lacking during the continuous flash floods in sind and Punjab. The first instance of floods can be excusable but the floods continue to appear every subsequent year and the administration is found lacking in planning, resources and ,therefore, execution.

This inherently points to the value of life the governance mechanism places on its beneficiaries. The state of government hospitals is an open secret where either doctors are on strike or not on duty. Where they are, they are under resources. Hence there is a crisis of governance that can be visit extended to all walks of life.

It's a pity that with a huge percentage of young population, Pakistan is not translating the numbers into accelerating it's growth rate. What rather results is massive unemployment and brain drain coupled with alarming rates of suicides.

As a religious man rightly said " A government of disbelievers can flourish but a government of injustice cannot". His religious inclinations aside, what we see is a disintegrating yet stalled society, partly due to an inefficient judicial system. It takes years to decide the simplest of cases, and that too with numerous hiccups of corruption and nepotism." Why pay the lawyer when you can buy the judge" is a dangerous notion that a crisis in governance has produced.
Let alone the judicial system, the law enforcement agencies fare no better. Regarded as the pillars of an efficient judiciary, the law enforcers still cling to the principle of colonial era: master not servants. It is this lack of professionalism that ironically makes ordinary citizens insecure amidst the security agencies themselves.

All of these snapshots are a blatant indication of our low standards in governance and public welfare. Even more alarming is the increasing decline in these standards, and it's not long before a state of emergency is reached whereby adhoc systems replace the failed institutions, and that too, "until further notice".

This scenario points to the stakes of continuing with the current system and feeling no need for reform. A trailer of ad hoc systems can be traced in the history of dictatorial rules in Pakistan. Though they were rejected by the populace in the long run, but their resurgence is what should be pertinent to note.Not once were dictators unwelcome, rather they were celebrated by the same general public. The locals want a system to deliver. Their constant turning in favor of dictatorship is what is at stake if the current system is not reformed.

Dictatorship can be seen as an ad hoc replacement for democracy but a bleak scenario awaits if this ad hoc system is other than dictatorship. Extremist ideologies gain ground in weak governance and service delivery systems. Adherents to these ideologies view all opposing forces as scavengers to the lands resources and hence, a reason for their social backwardness. Therefore, a demand for an all together system arises based on their concocted ideology creating confusion, anarchy and , possibly, civil war.

This tipping point will surely be a setback for Pakistan in the international arena but even if such a scenario does not arise, the country's social performance will surely bring embarrassment. Images of malnutrition in children, reports of high infant mortality rate and prevalence of curable diseases like polio hurt the soft image of the country. Add to them the additional scrutiny of citizens at international airports and we have another image problem in the making. All of these may culminate into a negative perception of the country with the likes of poor African nations; perceptions that take ages to remove and affect generations to come.

The future generations, nonetheless, are also directly affected by the crisis of Good Governance today. As the current generation falls into social ills like drugs, crime and unemployment, the rot in society will be smelt by incoming generations also.

To save the future and adorn the present, a dire need for reforms is the need of the hour.

For a starter, there should be a reform in attitudes towards governance. It has been over fifteen years since the most important statistical pillar of good governance, the census, remains absent. All exercises from elections to resource allocations are conducted on statistics that have long become obsolete. The security situation situation in the country has improved and Pakistan also conducted it's largest election in terms of turnaround. The census should be conducted to save the nation from being governed on mere guesswork.


(Will continue typing further, but please do provide a critique on this essay up till now)



Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk
I cant check it in toto. However, ill mention some mistakes that I observed.

1. There needs to be coherence between paragraphs. Each and every single paragraph needs to be coherent; each and every single line within a para should be in continuity with the last. The last line of a para should close the point that it meant to elaborate from the outline.
e.g. the fourth para and its thesis statement dont make sense to me!

2. There are some grammatical mistakes. Plus the usage of colons, semicolons would add to the beauty of an essay. You havent used any I think.

3. The last line of the first para doesnt make sense. Such mistakes in the first 3 pages of your essay would turn out to be fatal.

4. The fourth line of your third para is too long. Long sentences without proper punctuation result in unforgivable mistakes that the examiner takes serious offence to! Write small sentences preferably; clauses in long sentences should be properly separated by appropriate punctuation.

5. Altogether new system or all together new system?

6. A dire need for reforms is the need of the hour? Using need two times is unnecessary. Work on the form of sentences.

I hope this helps in improvement.
__________________
It is not the ability but desire that creates success....!!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to aniya warraich For This Useful Post:
Abuturab (Tuesday, December 27, 2016)