Rate Our Paragraphs ( 1-10 )

[bunko]

Dear Reader,

Asalam-o-Alikum,

I am starting this thread to let CSS aspirants put their efforts all together so we can evaluate the attempt of the aspirants at one place, Instead of posting our attempts in different threads.

Note: I Request not only CSP's but also other members to comment on paragraph and kindly RATE ( 1- 10 ) to let the writer evaluate His/Her efforts.



Regards,

[bunko]

Here Goes my Attempt:

Kindly Rate

Honesty is the Best Policy

God has gifted human with conscience, knowledge and wisdom to choose best for them. Holy Qur'an says (2:231) "Verily, we have sent down to you the book (Qur'an) and conscience to choose best for you". Human is composition of variety of personalities such as cruel or rude, wise or pious, novice or adept, confident or honorable, prestigious or honest etc, But among them is one who becomes successful, prestigious, niche, popular and adorable who adopt the policy of honesty. Honesty wins the heart and soul of enemies and friends; it builds a bridge of trust, honor and sincerity.

Honesty is not invented by west, But it is used as a tool and adopted by our Holy Prophet (PBUH) to win the hearts of His (PBUH) enemies. Holy Prophet (PBUH) is awarded with the title of “Amin” and “Saddiq” just because of His (PBUH) honest attitude. Holy Prophet (PBUH) becomes the first person who holds the beacon of honesty and wins the hearts of His (PBUH) enemies by His (PBUH) justice and honesty; and spread the message of Islam. Honesty helps Our Prophet (PBUH) to sow the seed of Islam by stabilizing the trust. Honesty plays a vital role in establishing trust.

Honesty offset its follower from infinite. Honest person is loved, discussed, and recommended to deal with by not only his friends or relatives but also enemies. However, policy of honesty is not easy task to adopt; Person required an iron heart to stick with it. One in myriad is honest person in this contemporary world; there are other factors behind in their lack of numbers. But when there is a will than there is a way. Honesty was proved 1400 years back as best policy, so nobody can challenge the perfect aftermath of this policy in contemporary world.



Regards,

[acme]

Seniors, please assess it and rate it accordingly. Thanks

Man is the architect of his own fate

“And that man can have nothing but for which he strives.”(Al-Qur’an¬, 53:39)

Every man leads to some destiny. The journey of man’s life is dependent on his choice of the pathway and the destination. His selected passage could lead to success as well as failure. And his destiny could be heaven or hell again the fruit of his own choice. Only he is responsible for all those thorns of the path that comes in his way in pursuit of his desires. He may either channelize all his energies in the positive direction to make his life successful or direct himself towards the thorny road not only to injury his body but also his soul. This world has the excellent reflexive power. What we do in life, echoes in eternity. Here you tell a lie, and you choose an immoral path. You steal something, and you direct yourself on a wrong track. Such minor looking evils finally encircle you and lead you to the abyss of tribulations. In this world, materialistic approach invokes man to follow his desires voraciously and become George Bush; sympathetic approach attracts man to curb his desires and become Abdul Sattar Edhi. Bush like inhumane chooses to injure humanity but Edhi like humane selects to soothe it. So, it’s in man’s hand to lead himself towards heaven or hell. As Holy Qur’an says: “You shall be recompensed for what you used to do.” (45:28). Here, man opts hard work and becomes millionaire; he selects idleness and becomes beggar. He designs the perfection of his aims with his own hands. Longfellow rightly advises in the following lines:

“Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.”

Regards,

Ali

[isamohmand]

Please work hard, acme. The way you present and draft your argument would not help you in the paper. Also reform your expression. A good way to write about this topic would be to first state in clear and simple language whether you agree with the given statement-- for example, here Man is the architect of his own fate. Then in the subsequent lines you should present well-developed examples to support your view. So far, as I see, you done nothing. Please do not mind.

[acme]

Originally Posted by isamohmand

Please work hard, acme. The way you present and draft your argument would not help you in the paper. Also reform your expression. A good way to write about this topic would be to first state in clear and simple language whether you agree with the given statement-- for example, here Man is the architect of his own fate. Then in the subsequent lines you should present well-developed examples to support your view. So far, as I see, you done nothing. Please do not mind.

@isamohmand

Thanks for your reply dear. Let me clear something to you.

I am already working hard, don't discourage me like that and i know it well how i am gonna do in the paper.

Thanks for your PRECIOUS suggestions.

By the way, i think my expression and effort about the topic along with examples is good at my end.

I think you are bit scary of my writing. Are you getting night mare?
if not so then let me show your linguistic style, your nice expression for writing paragraphs.

Finally, i invited comments from the seniors and not from you dear, so let them assess first that i have done something or nothing.

Again, put your effort on this topic and show me and the seniors that how much you have command on this art of writing so that i may agree with your point of view.

Man, this time you not only discouraged me but also hurt me with your comments like this.

So far, as I see, you done nothing.

So sad Man !...


Regards,

Ali

[isamohmand]

Brother acme,
I am really sorry if my words hurt your heart. Actually you write very well-- I was just teasing you. God bliss you.

[Braveheartkhilji]

He who works for sweetness and light works to make reason and the will of GOD prvail. He who works for machinery, he who works for hatred, works only for confusion. Culture looks beyound machinery, culture hates hatred; culture has one great passion -- the passion for making sweetness and light. It is not satisfied till we all come to be a perfect man; it knows that the sweetness and light of the few must be imperfect until the raw unkindled masses of humanity are touched with sweetness and light.

[bunko]

@ Acme:

Cool Down.

I give you 7 Acme,

And i want to you to work on your conclusion. Your opening and body of paragraph is Good. But conclusion is like disappear somewhere.


@ Braveheartkhilji:

Dear, Please stop reading these GABA publishers book. Try to read good authors, surf internet, new sites, new books to improve your written expression.


Regards,

[acme]

Originally Posted by bunko

@ Acme:

Cool Down.

I give you 7 Acme,

And i want to you to work on your conclusion. Your opening and body of paragraph is Good. But conclusion is like disappear somewhere.


@ Braveheartkhilji:

Dear, Please stop reading these GABA publishers book. Try to read good authors, surf internet, new sites, new books to improve your written expression.


Regards,

@bunko

Thanks bro. Yeah, me already calmed down.
You are right, this time conclusion is bit below the mark, so i will try improve it also.

@ Braveheartkhilji:

Yes dear, you can definitely post your efforts here.
i am second in opinion to bunko about your posted paragraph.

dear, do more effort and hard work on your expression. try to feel the words and the flow of things around you, it will make your expression more attractive. Try to naturalize the flow of thoughts.


Regards,

Ali

[New Student]

@acme

Some Suggestions:

1. First your start of paragraph should be attractive as well as easy to understand. Your passage first sentence is "Every man leads to some destiny."

It is not a better sentence because of its ambiguity. You might have stated " Every man has certain aims, which shapes his destiny."

2. You said "The journey of man’s life is dependent on his .....". Why not if you had said " The journey of man's life depends on ....." It would look better.

3. You said "His selected passage could lead to success ...". It would be better to say " His selected passage could lead him to ......"

4. Overall your passage is a good try. But you may have prepared it in more time than allowed in the paper. However you may not have enough time in paper to put much ideas in your passage. So a simple formula of introduction + examples + conclusion will work. Also try to use simple words.

I will give you 7 out of 10. Because your introduction is not much attractive, you need some grammatical improvement and lack of a good conclusion.

Keep trying. You can improve a lot .

Regards