@ ultimate csp check my expansion
 

[B]Is democracy is possible in third world countries[/B]

Democracy is possible in third world countries if administration of state work according to rule of law, avoid personalization of politics, restrain dictatorial rule, a media free from political pressure and equal distribution of rights. When state works on democratic grounds nothing can stop to a third world country to become a democratic state.
Personalization of politics by elites is a basic hindrance in the way of democracy. India being second largest democracy in the world gives equal right of vote even to its lowest cast. But Ghandhis and Nehrus hold the political ground. Pakistan face the same problem with political domination of Bhuttos, memons, chuadharys. Bandaranaik, a politically prominent family of Srilanka is another example of personalization of politics.
Dictatorial ruler impedes democracy in third world countries.Four times enforcement of martial Law had caused failure of pure democracy in Pakistan. Poeple are getting aware of their rights day by day. They want democratic government for their states. For instance, After countrywide revolts in Nepal, abolishment of 240 year old king system had converted Nepal into a republic.
Democracy does not prevail when western nations interfere in administration of third world countries. They set their puppets in developing countries to fulfill their own interest. Independence of judiciary and media free from all crisis helps democracy to establish. Democratic incompetency must be tackle by accountability of administrative machinery of state. Hence third world countries can experience democracy without any doubt.

need help in the essay “Democracy”, obstacles on the way of, and output etc.
 

beautiful effort,

its requested to seniors and other aspirants to share their stuff regarding “democracy” in detail.

[COLOR=DarkOrange][COLOR=Black]I am no faculty in expansion. I have just tried to check your expansion to the best of my knowledge. Hope it will be helpful.

[/COLOR][B]
Is democracy is possible in third world countries[/B] [/COLOR]([COLOR=Purple]Use helping verb one time in the sentence--Is democracy possible in third world countries?[/COLOR])


Democracy is possible in third world countries if administration of [COLOR=Purple]a[/COLOR] state [COLOR=DarkOrange]work[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR] according to [COLOR=Purple]the[/COLOR] rule of law, [COLOR=DarkOrange]avoid[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR] personalization of politics, [COLOR=DarkOrange]restrain[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR] dictatorial rule, [COLOR=Purple]with[/COLOR] a media free from political pressure and [COLOR=Purple]ensures[/COLOR] equal distribution of rights. When [COLOR=Purple]a[/COLOR] state works on democratic grounds nothing can stop [COLOR=DarkOrange](to a third world country) [/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]it[/COLOR] [COLOR=DarkOrange](to become)[/COLOR] [COLOR=Purple]from becoming[/COLOR] a democratic state.


Personalization of politics by elites is a basic hindrance in the way [COLOR=DarkOrange](of)[/COLOR] [COLOR=Purple]to[/COLOR] democracy. India being second largest democracy in the world [COLOR=Purple](weak structure, Better to write, India is the second largest democracy in the world) [/COLOR]gives equal right [COLOR=DarkOrange](of)[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple] to[/COLOR] vote even to its lowest [COLOR=DarkOrange]cast[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]e[/COLOR]. But Ghandhis and Nehrus hold the political ground. Pakistan [COLOR=DarkOrange]face[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR] the same problem with political domination of Bhuttos, memons, chuadharys. Bandaranaik, a politically prominent family of Srilanka is another example of personalization [COLOR=Purple](personalization??)[/COLOR] of politics.


Dictatorial ruler impedes democracy in third world countries.Four times enforcement of martial Law had caused failure of pure democracy in Pakistan.[COLOR=Purple] (Was that the only reason? Better to say, Martial laws were one of the major hurdle in the way to democracy in Pakistan)[/COLOR] Poeple are getting aware of their rights day by day. They want democratic government for their states. For instance, After countrywide revolts in Nepal, abolishment of 240 year old king system had converted Nepal into a republic [COLOR=Purple](weak sentence structure. Countrywide revolt had abolished 240 year old monarchy in Nepal)[/COLOR] .[COLOR=Purple]
(paragraph structure is very weak. A good paragraph should deliver only one idea.)[/COLOR]


Democracy does not prevail [COLOR=DarkOrange](when western nations interfere) [/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]because of western nations interference[/COLOR] in administration of third world countries. They set their puppets in developing countries to fulfill their own interest. Independence of judiciary and [COLOR=DarkOrange]media free from all crisis [/COLOR][COLOR=Purple](crisis free media[/COLOR]) [COLOR=DarkOrange]helps[/COLOR] ([COLOR=Purple]help[/COLOR]) democracy to establish. Democratic incompetency must be [COLOR=DarkOrange]tackle[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple]d[/COLOR] by accountability of administrative machinery of state. Hence third world countries can [COLOR=DarkOrange](experience)[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple] have[/COLOR] democracy without any doubt.([COLOR=Purple]weak sentence. Hence we can claim without any doubt that third world countries can have democracy)[/COLOR]




Overall, good attempt :))
In fact the most important thing is you finally attempted. Keep on trying. Good Luck...:))

@ultimate CSP
 

[B][COLOR="Blue"]Ultimate CSP, kindly check my expansions as well in the following thread, it would be so nice of you.....[/COLOR][/B]
[url]http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compulsory-subjects/english-precis-composition/expansion-paragraph/78678-expansions-past-papers.html[/url]

Poverty is the Mother of crimes
 

[CENTER][/CENTER]Poverty is the Mother of crimes

Man is slave of his own circumstances. No man is born as a criminal. Many varying dwindling situations leads to financial crisis compel a man to become a criminal. Particularly, it is poverty which gives birth to a crime. Poverty propels a man to fulfil his requirements by unfair means. Poverty flourishes a criminal mind in innocent person. Man who can earn enough to bring up his family can never engage with any criminal act. On the other hand, a starving person who has been grinded by privation ultimately turns out to a dacoit.
Privation makes a man mean and selfish. Man in distress never restrains himself from killing someone for money. Women sell their bodies to save their children from the jaws of death. History is galore with so many examples that men and women commit crimes just because of pennilessness. A starving poor person does not care about religion and any other moral value. Swami vivekanada was of the opinion that religion was not meant for the hungry bodies. A prosper person who has enough to eat and spent, cared well about the religion. Rules and values of religion fell flat upon hungry peoples. They can go beyond limits of morality to get rid of their hunger. So, poverty made a person prey to social evils.
People are still living below poverty line all over the world. Under developed and developing countries have high crime rate as compared to developed countries. In case of Pakistan 64 million people living below poverty line, makes 22.31% of total population. Poverty rate of Pakistan is 37.5% which is gradually increases due to poor management of the country. Social crimes is common in Pakistan. Economical reforms and practical Implementation are required to cope up with poverty. Poverty is one of the basic social problem which give rise too many crimes in society.
Poverty is root cause of frustration and acute distress for man. Poverty gives disappointment and make a person hopeless in life. It also leads to suicidal attempts. Poverty can be eliminated by appropriate measures. Crime rate is directly related to poverty in societies. If government wants to eliminate crimes out of its bounds they must ensures prosperity to its citizens. Prosperity brings peace and harmony among people eventually decline crime rate. Ultimate increases in crimes observe with failure in provision of applicable measures to exterminate poverty.

Poverty is the Mother of crimes

Man is slave of his own circumstances. No man is born as a criminal. Many varying dwindling situations [COLOR=DarkOrange]leads[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](lead)[/COLOR][/B] to financial crisis [B][COLOR=Purple](which)[/COLOR][/B] compel a man to become a criminal. Particularly, it is poverty which gives birth to a crime. Poverty propels a man to fulfil[COLOR=Purple][B]l[/B][/COLOR] his requirements by unfair means. Poverty flourishes [B][COLOR=Purple](or nourishes)[/COLOR][/B] a criminal mind in [B][COLOR=Purple]an [/COLOR][/B]innocent person. [B][COLOR=Purple]A [/COLOR][/B]Man who can earn enough to bring up his family can never engage with any criminal act.[B][COLOR=Purple](Really? what about thousands of millionaire criminals??)[/COLOR][/B] On the other hand, a starving person who has been grinded by privation ultimately turns out to a dacoit.
Privation makes a man mean and selfish. Man in distress never restrains himself from killing someone for money.[B][COLOR=Purple](Never? It is very hard for a distressed man to restrain himself from killing someone for money.)[/COLOR][/B] Women sell their bodies to save their children from the jaws of death. History is galore with so many examples that men and women commit[B][COLOR=Purple]ted[/COLOR][/B] crimes just because of pennilessness. A starving poor person does not care about religion and any other moral value. Swami vivekanada was of the opinion that religion was not meant for the hungry bodies. A prosper person who has enough to eat and spent, [COLOR=DarkOrange]cared[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](cares)[/COLOR][/B] well about the religion. Rules and values of religion fell flat upon hungry [COLOR=DarkOrange]peoples[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](people)[/COLOR][/B]. They can go beyond limits of morality to get rid of their hunger. So, poverty [COLOR=DarkOrange]made[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](makes)[/COLOR][/B] a person prey to social evils.
People are still living below poverty line all over the world. Under[B][COLOR=Purple]-[/COLOR][/B]developed and developing countries have high crime rate[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] as [COLOR=DarkOrange]compared[/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple] (compare)[/COLOR][/B] to developed countries. In case of Pakistan 64 million people living below poverty line, [COLOR=DarkOrange]makes[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](make)[/COLOR][/B] 22.31% of total population. Poverty rate of Pakistan is 37.5% which is gradually [COLOR=DarkOrange]increases[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](increasing)[/COLOR][/B] due to poor management of the country. Social crimes [COLOR=DarkOrange]is[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple][B] (are)[/B] [/COLOR]common in Pakistan. Economical reforms and practical Implementation are required to cope up with poverty. Poverty is one of the basic social problem which give[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] rise [COLOR=DarkOrange]too [/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple](to)[/COLOR][/B] many crimes in society.[B][COLOR=Purple] (Irrelevant Paragraph. It has nothing to do with this expansion.)[/COLOR][/B]
Poverty is root cause of frustration and acute distress [COLOR=DarkOrange]for man.[/COLOR] Poverty gives disappointment and make[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] a person hopeless in life. It also leads to suicidal attempts. [B][COLOR=Purple](only attempts? :thinking It also leads to suicides.)[/COLOR][/B] Poverty can be eliminated (or reduced) by appropriate measures. Crime rate is directly related to poverty [B][COLOR=Purple]rate [/COLOR][/B]in societies. If [B][COLOR=Purple]a [/COLOR][/B]government wants to eliminate crimes out of its bounds [COLOR=DarkOrange]they must[/COLOR] [COLOR=DarkOrange]ensures[/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple] (it have to ensure) [/COLOR][/B]prosperity [COLOR=DarkOrange]to [/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple](for)[/COLOR][/B] its citizens. Prosperity brings peace and harmony among people [B][COLOR=Purple]and [/COLOR][/B]eventually decline[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] crime rate. [COLOR=DarkOrange]Ultimate increases in crimes observe with failure in provision of applicable measures to exterminate poverty.[B][COLOR=Purple](This sentence is not making sense..)[/COLOR][/B]
[/COLOR]

[QUOTE=UltimateCSP;608436]Poverty is the Mother of crimes

Man is (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) slave of his own circumstances. No man is born as a criminal. Many varying dwindling situations [COLOR=DarkOrange]leads[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](lead)[/COLOR][/B] to financial crisis [B][COLOR=Purple](which)[/COLOR][/B] compel(compels[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) a man to become a criminal. Particularly, it is poverty which gives birth to a crime. Poverty propels a man to fulfil[COLOR=Purple][B]l[/B][/COLOR] his requirements by unfair means. Poverty flourishes [B][COLOR=Purple](or nourishes)[/COLOR][/B] a criminal mind in [B][COLOR=Purple]an [/COLOR][/B]innocent person. [B][COLOR=Purple]A [/COLOR][/B] (A[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) man who can earn enough to bring up his family can never engage with any criminal act.[B][COLOR=Purple](Really? what about thousands of millionaire criminals??)[/COLOR][/B] On the other hand, a starving person who has been grinded by privation ultimately turns out to a dacoit(turns out to be a dacoit/turns into a dacoit.[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]).
Privation makes a man mean and selfish. Man in distress never restrains himself from killing someone for money.[B][COLOR=Purple](Never? It is very hard for a distressed man to restrain himself from killing someone for money.)[/COLOR][/B] (It is difficult for a man in distress to restrain himself from killing someone for money[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) Women sell their bodies to save their children from the jaws of death. History is galore with so many examples that men and women commit[B][COLOR=Purple]ted[/COLOR][/B] crimes just because of pennilessness. A starving poor person does not care about (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) religion and any other moral value. Swami vivekanada was of the opinion that religion was not meant for the hungry bodies. A prosper person who has enough to eat and spent(spend[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]), [COLOR=DarkOrange]cared[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](cares)[/COLOR][/B] well about the religion. Rules and values of religion fell flat upon hungry [COLOR=DarkOrange]peoples[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](people)[/COLOR][/B]. They can go beyond (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) limits of morality to get rid of(get rid?? no one can get rid of hunger till death, we can only satisfy our hunger/can satisfy[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) their hunger. So, poverty [COLOR=DarkOrange]made[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](makes)[/COLOR][/B] a person prey to social evils.
People are still living below (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) poverty line all over the world. Under[B][COLOR=Purple]-[/COLOR][/B]developed and developing countries have high crime rate[COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] as [COLOR=DarkOrange]compared[/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple] (compare)[/COLOR][/B] to developed countries. In case of Pakistan 64 million people living below poverty line, [COLOR=DarkOrange]makes[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](make)[/COLOR][/B] 22.31% of (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) total population.(The[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) Poverty rate of Pakistan is 37.5% which is gradually [COLOR=DarkOrange]increases[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](increasing)[/COLOR][/B] due to poor management of the country. Social crimes [COLOR=DarkOrange]is[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple][B] (are)[/B] [/COLOR]common in Pakistan. Economical reforms and practical Implementation are required to cope up with poverty. Poverty is one of the basic social problem which give[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] rise [COLOR=DarkOrange]too [/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple](to)[/COLOR][/B] many crimes in society.[B][COLOR=Purple] (Irrelevant Paragraph. It has nothing to do with this expansion.)[/COLOR][/B]
Poverty is (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) root cause of frustration and acute distress [COLOR=DarkOrange]for (a[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) man.[/COLOR] Poverty gives disappointment and make[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] a person hopeless in life. It also leads to suicidal attempts. [B][COLOR=Purple](only attempts? :thinking It also leads to suicides.)[/COLOR][/B] Poverty can be eliminated (or reduced) by appropriate measures. Crime rate is directly related to (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) poverty [B][COLOR=Purple]rate [/COLOR][/B]in societies. If [B][COLOR=Purple]a [/COLOR][/B]government wants to eliminate crimes out of its bounds [COLOR=DarkOrange]they must[/COLOR] [COLOR=DarkOrange]ensures[/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple] (it have to ensure) [/COLOR][/B](it has to ensure[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) prosperity [COLOR=DarkOrange]to [/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple](for)[/COLOR][/B] its citizens. Prosperity brings peace and harmony among people [B][COLOR=Purple]and [/COLOR][/B]eventually decline[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] crime rate. [COLOR=DarkOrange]Ultimate increases in crimes observe with failure in provision of applicable measures to exterminate poverty.[B][COLOR=Purple](This sentence is not making sense..)[/COLOR][/B]
[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Man is (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) slave of his own circumstances. No man is born as a criminal. Many varying dwindling situations [COLOR=DarkOrange]leads[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](lead)[/COLOR][/B] to financial crisis [B][COLOR=Purple](which)[/COLOR][/B] compel(compels[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) a man to become a criminal. Particularly, it is poverty which gives birth to a crime. Poverty propels a man to fulfil[COLOR=Purple][B]l[/B][/COLOR] his requirements by unfair means. Poverty flourishes [B][COLOR=Purple](or nourishes)[/COLOR][/B] a criminal mind in [B][COLOR=Purple]an [/COLOR][/B]innocent person. [B][COLOR=Purple]A [/COLOR][/B] (A[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) man who can earn enough to bring up his family can never engage with any criminal act.[B][COLOR=Purple](Really? what about thousands of millionaire criminals??)[/COLOR][/B] On the other hand, a starving person who has been grinded by privation ultimately turns out to a dacoit(turns out to be a dacoit/turns into a dacoit.[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]).
Privation makes a man mean and selfish. Man in distress never restrains himself from killing someone for money.[B][COLOR=Purple](Never? It is very hard for a distressed man to restrain himself from killing someone for money.)[/COLOR][/B] (It is difficult for a man in distress to restrain himself from killing someone for money[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) Women sell their bodies to save their children from the jaws of death. History is galore with so many examples that men and women commit[B][COLOR=Purple]ted[/COLOR][/B] crimes just because of pennilessness. A starving poor person does not care about (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) religion and any other moral value. Swami vivekanada was of the opinion that religion was not meant for the hungry bodies. A prosper person who has enough to eat and spent(spend[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]), [COLOR=DarkOrange]cared[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](cares)[/COLOR][/B] well about the religion. Rules and values of religion fell flat upon hungry [COLOR=DarkOrange]peoples[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](people)[/COLOR][/B]. They can go beyond (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) limits of morality to get rid of(get rid?? no one can get rid of hunger till death, we can only satisfy our hunger/can satisfy[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) their hunger. So, poverty [COLOR=DarkOrange]made[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](makes)[/COLOR][/B] a person prey to social evils.
People are still living below (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) poverty line all over the world. Under[B][COLOR=Purple]-[/COLOR][/B]developed and developing countries have high crime rate[COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] as [COLOR=DarkOrange]compared[/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple] (compare)[/COLOR][/B] to developed countries. In case of Pakistan 64 million people living below poverty line, [COLOR=DarkOrange]makes[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](make)[/COLOR][/B] 22.31% of (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) total population.(The[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) Poverty rate of Pakistan is 37.5% which is gradually [COLOR=DarkOrange]increases[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=Purple](increasing)[/COLOR][/B] due to poor management of the country. Social crimes [COLOR=DarkOrange]is[/COLOR][COLOR=Purple][B] (are)[/B] [/COLOR]common in Pakistan. Economical reforms and practical Implementation are required to cope up with poverty. Poverty is one of the basic social problem which give[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] rise [COLOR=DarkOrange]too [/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple](to)[/COLOR][/B] many crimes in society.[B][COLOR=Purple] (Irrelevant Paragraph. It has nothing to do with this expansion.)[/COLOR][/B]
Poverty is (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) root cause of frustration and acute distress [COLOR=DarkOrange]for (a[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) man.[/COLOR] Poverty gives disappointment and make[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] a person hopeless in life. It also leads to suicidal attempts. [B][COLOR=Purple](only attempts? :thinking It also leads to suicides.)[/COLOR][/B] Poverty can be eliminated (or reduced) by appropriate measures. Crime rate is directly related to (the[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) poverty [B][COLOR=Purple]rate [/COLOR][/B]in societies. If [B][COLOR=Purple]a [/COLOR][/B]government wants to eliminate crimes out of its bounds [COLOR=DarkOrange]they must[/COLOR] [COLOR=DarkOrange]ensures[/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple] (it have to ensure) [/COLOR][/B](it has to ensure[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR]) prosperity [COLOR=DarkOrange]to [/COLOR][B][COLOR=Purple](for)[/COLOR][/B] its citizens. Prosperity brings peace and harmony among people [B][COLOR=Purple]and [/COLOR][/B]eventually decline[B][COLOR=Purple]s[/COLOR][/B] crime rate. [COLOR=DarkOrange]Ultimate increases in crimes observe with failure in provision of applicable measures to exterminate poverty.[B][COLOR=Purple](This sentence is not making sense..)[/COLOR][/B]
[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

I have further pointed out the mistakes, using blue colour, brother my first suggestion would be, you should have read after what you have written, this will surely make a sense of getting your own mistakes, because i have seen, your mistakes were not so difficult to be pointed out, you have to use Articles where necessary, a lot of grammatical mistakes, you have to be good in grammer first.... and remember, whenever you write something just read it then, to point out your mistakes....