thank you karming for analyzing my outline. i would try to avoid the mistakes you have pointed out in the upcoming PMS examination.

thank you irummaava for your kind words in a circumstances when the senior members are pointing out my mistakes you are appreciating :P

[QUOTE=Marwa Aman;1067393]Democracy in pakistan; hopes and hurdles
1. Introduction
a. definition of democracy
b. origin and nature of democracy
c. evolution of democracy from different cultures
d. democratic culture in west
e. democratic culture in pakistan
e. Thesis statement

2. Quaid-i-azam's vision of democracy
3. Democracy in islam

4.democracy and united nations
a. UN charter
b article 21 of universal declaration of human rights

5. importance of democracy
6.history of failed democracy in pakistan
a.constitutional crisis
b. successive dissolution of assemblies i.section 9, 10, 10A and 10B of act of 1935
c.rise of democracy-reign of zulfiqar ali bhutto
d.execution of zulfiqar ali bhutto- the death of democracy
e.successive derailing of democracy (1990-1997)
i. article 58 2(b)
f. military intervention

7. Hurdles to democracy in pakistan
a. Political
i. dearth of leadership
ii. egocentric and controversial politians
ii. confrontation between organs
iii.poor relations b/w center and provinces
iv. meddling with constitution
v. no rule of law

b. economic
i. economic instability
ii. economic crisis
iii.unemployment
iv. inflation
v.deteriorating condition of agriculture and industrial sectors

c. social hurdles
i.weak and poverty stricken society
ii. low literacy rate
iii. social injustice
iv.over population
v. increasing crime rate

d. religious hurdles
i.religious intolerance
ii.fundamentalists
iii. extremism and terrorism
iv. extremist illusion that democracy is unislamic

e. institutional hurdles
i. bridled judiciary
ii. lack of accountability
iii. rampant corruption
iv. weak legislature
v. weak executive

f. external hurdles
i.recurring foreign intervention in national affairs
ii. us influence

8. hopes for democracy in pakistan
a. active and independent judiciary
b. above board accountability
c. economic stability-cpec
d. increased literacy rate (in comparison to previous record)
e. media-freedom of expression
f. political maturity- educated politicians
g. developing culture of democracy (discussed about the previous and current govt -completion of tenure)

9. suggestions
a.political strengthening
b. sovereignty of parliament must be insured
c. rule of law and justice
d. role of media
e. educational reforms
f. awareness about the importance of vote
g. reforms in economic polices
h. an efficient leadership
i. youth participation in politics
j. increase employment opportunities
k. an effective foreign policy
l. efficient system of checks and balance m. accountability

9. conclusion
Respected seniors and aspirants kindly analyse the above outline of my essay..i attempted in css-2018. I tried to the best of my ability to avoid grammatical mistakes. i did not use any cliches and tried to avoid the use of words "we" "our" and "us". also used some quotations. i do not remember the words of my conclusion, but whatever i wrote...at that it seems to be good . correction will be highly appreciated. thanks in advance.[/QUOTE]
well your outline is food enough to pass the paper.

however, some discrepancies are found.

1. sub -heaeing under introduction not an impressive thing. the points discusswd had to be made separate heading like definition, origin/history, comparison with west etc

2. defi ition given by abraham lincoln should have been included in the outline. your outline was not giving proper understanding of the word democracy as it is govt of the people but was not discussed.

3. features and charachteriatics of democracy were reuiqres to be added in the outline to built the proper outline.

4. history of failed democracy in pak was wrong heading and you were not supposed to declare as failed democratic state. the point of hiatory of democracy in pak in terms of form of govt was better option as since inception this point is under discussion. in 1956 1962 and 1973 forms were keot changing, dictator wanted presdential system and political parties supported parliamentay system of govt which is core point of the statement.

5. democracy in islam should have been elaborated being islamic state and with refrence to religion of state etc

6. heading regarding u.n was good addition but it had to be discussed after hopes/sugggestion by linking it.

7. outline did not diaclose any hint about public opinion, timely election, smooth transfer of power etc which are necessary for survival of democrqcy in pak.

8. hopes and suggestion are inter-linked therefore seperate points were not needed and required to be enlisted under hopes. though you could make one point of these,two headings.

many other aspects are missing or did not properly organizes/structured.

analysis is givenfor your next attempts if any bad luck occurs.


allah apko kamyab karay ...!!!

[QUOTE=Marwa Aman;1067393]Democracy in pakistan; hopes and hurdles
1. Introduction
a. definition of democracy
b. origin and nature of democracy
c. evolution of democracy from different cultures
d. democratic culture in west
e. democratic culture in pakistan
e. Thesis statement

2. Quaid-i-azam's vision of democracy
3. Democracy in islam

4.democracy and united nations
a. UN charter
b article 21 of universal declaration of human rights

5. importance of democracy
6.history of failed democracy in pakistan
a.constitutional crisis
b. successive dissolution of assemblies i.section 9, 10, 10A and 10B of act of 1935
c.rise of democracy-reign of zulfiqar ali bhutto
d.execution of zulfiqar ali bhutto- the death of democracy
e.successive derailing of democracy (1990-1997)
i. article 58 2(b)
f. military intervention

7. Hurdles to democracy in pakistan
a. Political
i. dearth of leadership
ii. egocentric and controversial politians
ii. confrontation between organs
iii.poor relations b/w center and provinces
iv. meddling with constitution
v. no rule of law

b. economic
i. economic instability
ii. economic crisis
iii.unemployment
iv. inflation
v.deteriorating condition of agriculture and industrial sectors

c. social hurdles
i.weak and poverty stricken society
ii. low literacy rate
iii. social injustice
iv.over population
v. increasing crime rate

d. religious hurdles
i.religious intolerance
ii.fundamentalists
iii. extremism and terrorism
iv. extremist illusion that democracy is unislamic

e. institutional hurdles
i. bridled judiciary
ii. lack of accountability
iii. rampant corruption
iv. weak legislature
v. weak executive

f. external hurdles
i.recurring foreign intervention in national affairs
ii. us influence

8. hopes for democracy in pakistan
a. active and independent judiciary
b. above board accountability
c. economic stability-cpec
d. increased literacy rate (in comparison to previous record)
e. media-freedom of expression
f. political maturity- educated politicians
g. developing culture of democracy (discussed about the previous and current govt -completion of tenure)

9. suggestions
a.political strengthening
b. sovereignty of parliament must be insured
c. rule of law and justice
d. role of media
e. educational reforms
f. awareness about the importance of vote
g. reforms in economic polices
h. an efficient leadership
i. youth participation in politics
j. increase employment opportunities
k. an effective foreign policy
l. efficient system of checks and balance m. accountability

9. conclusion
Respected seniors and aspirants kindly analyse the above outline of my essay..i attempted in css-2018. I tried to the best of my ability to avoid grammatical mistakes. i did not use any cliches and tried to avoid the use of words "we" "our" and "us". also used some quotations. i do not remember the words of my conclusion, but whatever i wrote...at that it seems to be good . correction will be highly appreciated. thanks in advance.[/QUOTE]

Great effort indeed! Very descriptive outline.
Try reading professionals' books on writing essays. One of books I like is [B]Essay writing made easy Stephen Maclern[/B] this book is awesome for aspirants

Need guaidance for essay preparation?
 

I will be uploading my essay on socio economic problem of Pakistan. Is there any experienced member to help me out? I shall b grateful to u.
Thanks:mellow:

[QUOTE=GanXTeR;1074532]well your outline is food enough to pass the paper.

however, some discrepancies are found.

1. sub -heaeing under introduction not an impressive thing. the points discusswd had to be made separate heading like definition, origin/history, comparison with west etc

2. defi ition given by abraham lincoln should have been included in the outline. your outline was not giving proper understanding of the word democracy as it is govt of the people but was not discussed.

3. features and charachteriatics of democracy were reuiqres to be added in the outline to built the proper outline.

4. history of failed democracy in pak was wrong heading and you were not supposed to declare as failed democratic state. the point of hiatory of democracy in pak in terms of form of govt was better option as since inception this point is under discussion. in 1956 1962 and 1973 forms were keot changing, dictator wanted presdential system and political parties supported parliamentay system of govt which is core point of the statement.

5. democracy in islam should have been elaborated being islamic state and with refrence to religion of state etc

6. heading regarding u.n was good addition but it had to be discussed after hopes/sugggestion by linking it.

7. outline did not diaclose any hint about public opinion, timely election, smooth transfer of power etc which are necessary for survival of democrqcy in pak.

8. hopes and suggestion are inter-linked therefore seperate points were not needed and required to be enlisted under hopes. though you could make one point of these,two headings.

many other aspects are missing or did not properly organizes/structured.

analysis is givenfor your next attempts if any bad luck occurs.


allah apko kamyab karay ...!!![/QUOTE]


Thankyou Ganxter for evaluating my essay outline.The mistakes you pointed are noted. I would try to avoid them in the upcoming PMS exam InshaAllah.
Moreover, I would like to mention here that I had mentioned A.Lincoln's famous definition of democracy but in the third line of introductory para. Secondly, I had explain the concept of Islamic democracy by quoting some examples from caliphate. Thirdly, the article 21 of universal declaration had been linked with hopes of future democracy. Fourthly, I mentioned the characteristic of democracy in a single sentence some where in introduction.
I know I made mistakes but still I am hoping for best. Let's see ... Result waisy bhi qareeb hai Jo bhi hoga achy k ly hoga.
Thankyou again.

[QUOTE=Theodosius;1074553]Great effort indeed! Very descriptive outline.
Try reading professionals' books on writing essays. One of books I like is [B]Essay writing made easy Stephen Maclern[/B] this book is awesome for aspirants[/QUOTE]

Thanks for suggestions.