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Essay practice: CE-21
This thread is created for the purpose of essay practice. Here aspirants/members can post their outlines to be reviewed by seniors and fellow-members.
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[QUOTE=The dream of rain;1110558]This thread is created for the purpose of essay practice. Here aspirants/members can post their outlines to be reviewed by seniors and fellow-members.[/QUOTE]
Excellent initiative! It would be great to have them at one place so that we can all chip in and have a conducive discussion. |
Here is my essay outline for the topic "How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan?". Dear seniors at CSS Forum, kindly point out the mistakes. Thanks!
A) Introduction Thesis Statement: Although there are many factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed, however, digitalization can play a pivotal role in socioeconomic development in Pakistan. B) What is meant by digitalization? i) Definition and basic elements ii)Difference between digitalization and digitization iii) Status of digitalization in Pakistan C) How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? i) As a driver of economic growth and development ii) Improved quality of education through the deployment of latest technologies iii) A better healthcare monitoring and control system iv) Promotion of tourism industry through the use of digital technologies v) The implementation of E-democracy vi) Bridging the digital divide through the development of digital infrastructure vii) The development of digital competency among organizations viii) The implementation of digital workplace concept ix) As a source of ecological and environmental protection x) As a source of employment D) What are other factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed? i) Fair distribution of resources among the citizens ii) "The lower the population, the higher the development" iii) The current status of economy within a country iv) The nature of institutions within the country E) What can be done to promote digitalization in Pakistan? i) Increased investment by the government in the digital sector ii) The access of proper digital training to all citizens iii) Incentives for using technology to reach certain milestones F) Conclusion Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110714]Here is my essay outline for the topic "How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan?". Dear seniors at CSS Forum, kindly point out the mistakes. Thanks!
A) Introduction Thesis Statement: Although there are many factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed, however, digitalization can play a pivotal role in socioeconomic development in Pakistan. B) What is meant by digitalization? i) Definition and basic elements ii)Difference between digitalization and digitization iii) Status of digitalization in Pakistan C) How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? i) As a driver of economic growth and development ii) Improved quality of education through the deployment of latest technologies iii) A better healthcare monitoring and control system iv) Promotion of tourism industry through the use of digital technologies v) The implementation of E-democracy vi) Bridging the digital divide through the development of digital infrastructure vii) The development of digital competency among organizations viii) The implementation of digital workplace concept ix) As a source of ecological and environmental protection x) As a source of employment D) What are other factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed? i) Fair distribution of resources among the citizens ii) "The lower the population, the higher the development" iii) The current status of economy within a country iv) The nature of institutions within the country E) What can be done to promote digitalization in Pakistan? i) Increased investment by the government in the digital sector ii) The access of proper digital training to all citizens iii) Incentives for using technology to reach certain milestones F) Conclusion Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] Dear, you need to omit some irrelevant facts like: [B])Difference between digitalization and digitization iii) Status of digitalization in Pakistan [/B] Make separate heading for [B]Status of digitalization in Pakistan,[/B] which is a main topic. drop this:[B] D) What are other factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed?[/B] you are diverting from the topic theme; no need of it in my opinion some other suggestions: do not use [B]the[/B] article in outline. Also, follow present structure do not use [B]improved [/B] as far as this topic is concerned. Plus: drop out first sentence of your thesis statement; state directly what the topic is. I hope you understand. |
I have based the structure of my outline according to sample outlines, which I watched in the videos of CSS 2017 Essay topper. He said that your thesis statement should cover both sides of the coin since essay is all about proving your thesis statement. When you show both sides of the coin, it becomes easier to write an essay upto 2500 words. Otherwise, you will have to stretch your paragraphs, which in turn reduces the quality of your essay. So, I think I will keep the first part in my thesis statement.
I agree that I should have used improvement instead of improved. I didn't get your point about the article in outline. Can you please elaborate it further? The reason for mentioning the difference between digitalization and digitization is that these two terms are often confused with each other and used interchangeably but their is a difference. As far as the status of digitalization in Pakistan is concerned, I don't know how should I include it as a separate heading in the outline? Can you please suggest how? By the way, thanks for your kind insight. Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110718]I have based the structure of my outline according to sample outlines, which I watched in the videos of CSS 2017 Essay topper. He said that your thesis statement should cover both sides of the coin since essay is all about proving your thesis statement. When you show both sides of the coin, it becomes easier to write an essay upto 2500 words. Otherwise, you will have to stretch your paragraphs, which in turn reduces the quality of your essay. So, I think I will keep the first part in my thesis statement.
I agree that I should have used improvement instead of improved. I didn't get your point about the article in outline. Can you please elaborate it further? The reason for mentioning the difference between digitalization and digitization is that these two terms are often confused with each other and used interchangeably but their is a difference. As far as the status of digitalization in Pakistan is concerned, I don't know how should I include it as a separate heading in the outline? Can you please suggest how? By the way, thanks for your kind insight. Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] dear, firstly, let me tell you that essay is subjective paper and has different forms, such as argumentative, cause-based, etc. And, each has his own way to handle it. may be i am wrong but you can check outline shared by Anum Zara, Irshad Sodhar, aishalam, and other forum members. You can check Anum Zara's essay about colonial mentality and her thesis statement- written simple and straightforward. She got 57 marks in her paper. Also, check aishalam's outline about "Classrooms decide the future of nations" . She has qualified exam as well. It is not necessary to add irrelevant material merely to extend length. Secondly, in status part, you can write what government has done so far or is doing. Tania Aidrus is working on this project in PM Khan's government. About Article "the". I meant to say you have frequently used it, and you must avoid it. Lastly, i would like to invite Dream of Rain and others to comment on this. Thanks. |
Hello! First of all a pretty good outline overall. Kindly take my comments below as well meaning advice and feel free to ask any questions if I'm unclear at any point.
Okay let's start with the thesis statement. As a general rule of thumb there are a few characteristics of a TS which are desirable. Different writers give different weightages to these aspects but overall it's good to keep them all in mind when formulating a Thesis Statement. Also would like to point out here that a TS is neither good nor bad- it's put on a scale of strong and weak. So no matter how "good" the TS may be in your mind it can ALWAYS be made stronger. Okay so without further ado let's discuss the qualities which make a strong thesis statement. 1. [B] Short and to the point[/b] Pretty self explanatory but has a lot of wiggle room. What is short? For me two three lines is TOO short. It doesn't give you a chance to cover the other points we shall discuss below and hence is less effective. It's a balancing act really. I'm extremely verbose so this is an aspect I struggle with but it's also the characteristic I'm willing to compromise on. Again this is such a subjective thing to discuss so find a style and length that fits you. 2. [B] Is an opinion [/b] Your thesis statement should clearly state your opinion on the topic. Trying to squeeze in as many perspectives as possible just to be on the safe side is counterproductive. The more forceful you are generally the better. Your TS should not be an established fact- it should be an opinion which can be supported with arguments and countered as well. 3. [B] Specific and precise[/b]: When writing a good introduction one must always remember the inverted pyramid structure (general to specific). The broadest area is the opening statement of your essay and it should be very general and the tip of the inverted pyramid is the thesis statement so it should be as specific as you can get it. Basically you are confining the scope of the essay. A good way to visualise this is that you aren't discussing all the water in Ocean but instead shall be discussing the water that you scooped up in a container. Narrow it down and be precise with your wording. 4. SO WHAT? Thesis statement should show an opinion as we have discussed before and it is an unspoken accepted fact that you support this opinion wholeheartedly. Hence it is also encouraged to include (in as few a words as possible) Why your stance matters. Why should the reader care about your point of view. So what? Is the question you should ask yourself when finalising your TS. Let's discuss your thesis statement in the light of the above points. [QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110714] Thesis Statement: Although there are many factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed, however, digitalization can play a pivotal role in socioeconomic development in Pakistan. [/QUOTE] 1. You have covered the short part but it isn't exactly to the point. You have stated your claim in a very roundabout way. Be as clear as possible. So if I was to reword what you have written I would simply write, [u]"Among the many factors which can influence the development level of a country, digitalisation is a hitherto untapped avenue which can play an invaluable role when it comes to the socio-economic development in Pakistan."[/u] See it's more clear and zeros in on the point you wish to make. 2. Your TS is an opinion but it's not forceful enough. Again this is a matter of style but from personal experience I can't stand vague or general TS. When doing research I genuinely look for the TS or an abstract before going through pages and pages of material and if they don't tell me what all that work is about I just can't be bothered. So be a little bit more opinionated. In the TS I have worded above you can note that I've added some very bold claims "hitherto untapped", "invaluable role". Such words add substance and weight to your stance. (Remember to back up whatever you claim in the TS through solid arguments though) |
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3. Your thesis statement is pretty specific so good job there. It names Pakistan and also what kind of development and it doesn't deviate from the wordings of the original topic so well done. 4. The so what aspect is missing in your TS. Why should I or any reader for that matter care that you support and shall attempt to prove this stance? In fact look at the topic statement it asks you to answer a very specific question "how far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan?" Well how far can it help? Can it make much of difference? Why should Pakistan try and focus on this aspect a bit more? Once you start asking these questions you'll find that a "strong" thesis statement which covers all the major points satisfactorily forms itself. Hope these points above help. Feel free to ask if anything is unclear. I'll try to get to the outline itself as soon as possible. |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110742](continued from above...)
3. Your thesis statement is pretty specific so good job there. It names Pakistan and also what kind of development and it doesn't deviate from the wordings of the original topic so well done. 4. The so what aspect is missing in your TS. Why should I or any reader for that matter care that you support and shall attempt to prove this stance? In fact look at the topic statement it asks you to answer a very specific question "how far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan?" Well how far can it help? Can it make much of difference? Why should Pakistan try and focus on this aspect a bit more? Once you start asking these questions you'll find that a "strong" thesis statement which covers all the major points satisfactorily forms itself. Hope these points above help. Feel free to ask if anything is unclear. I'll try to get to the outline itself as soon as possible.[/QUOTE]Thank you so much for taking out time to comment on my outline. I will definitely try to incorporate the points you have made in my thesis statement. I was just wondering about the "what is topic" portion which in this case is "What is meant by digitalization?" How should I approach it? One forum member suggested that I shouldn't include irrelevant points like "Difference between digitalization and digitization" and "Status of digitalization in Pakistan" under the heading of "What is meant by digitalization?" Instead I should be making a separate heading for points like "Status of digitalization in Pakistan". What's your take on that? Does incorporating these points in that section disrupt the coherence of essay? Secondly, how should I write the points in my outline? Should they be explanatory or simple? And how should I made them more vivid? Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110749]Thank you so much for taking out time to comment on my outline. I will definitely try to incorporate the points you have made in my thesis statement. I was just wondering about the "what is topic" portion which in this case is "What is meant by digitalization?" How should I approach it? One forum member suggested that I shouldn't include irrelevant points like "Difference between digitalization and digitization" and "Status of digitalization in Pakistan" under the heading of "What is meant by digitalization?" Instead I should be making a separate heading for points like "Status of digitalization in Pakistan". What's your take on that? Does incorporating these points in that section disrupt the coherence of essay?
Secondly, how should I write the points in my outline? Should they be explanatory or simple? And how should I made them more vivid? Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] I'll try and give my thoughts on your outline in another post but for now I'd like to tackle the second half of your query namely how to write points in an outline? There are generally two ways to list the points; headings and sentences (I'm including the question statements as a sub-set of the sentences form). Sentences are considered undesirable simply because an outline should tell the reader what points you are going to cover with only a quick glance or a skim read. The CSS exam checkers are infamous for giving marks on the outline alone so this is a very important point to talk about as it effects the overall impression. Now my personal opinion is that neither method of presenting the points is superior to the other. They both have their inherent advantages and disadvantages. I've developed a general rule of thumb which helps me maintain a good balance; Headings for the main body and sentences for the arguments. Let me give an example. Below is an outline I created as an entry for an Essay competition recently. The topic was "Do we really need literature?" I. Introduction II. What is literature? III. Do we really need literature?[INDENT]A. Literature as a “mirror”[INDENT]1. We can recognize and better understand aspects of ourselves. 2. We can recognize aspects of our society and societies gone by.[/INDENT]B. Literature as a “time-machine” and “passport” [INDENT]1. We can travel through time and observe life, sometimes firsthand, as those that came before us experienced it. 2. We can experience events, cultures and customs from other parts of the world- real and fictional.[/INDENT]C. Literature as a “window” and “lens”[INDENT]1. We can look out and see the world as other people see it. 2. We can appreciate perspectives other than our own.[/INDENT]D. Literature as a “wise mentor”[INDENT]1. We can learn tolerance, empathy, and acceptance by reading about other people’s perspectives. 2. We can squash prejudices and biases by reading literature from people outside the groups we belong to.[/INDENT]E. Literature as a “catalyst for change”[INDENT]1. We can be shown the flaws and injustices in our current status quo.[/INDENT]F. Literature as a “custodian of values”[INDENT]1. We can use literature as a socialization tool to pass on values from one generation to the next.[/INDENT]G. Literature as an “event simulator”[INDENT]1. We can be forewarned about consequences through reading about the actions and decisions of others.[/INDENT]H. Literature as a “soothsayer” and “harbinger”[INDENT]1. We can heed the warnings of the writers before our time that saw faults with our systems more clearly then we can see them today.[/INDENT]I. Literature as an “inspiration”[INDENT]1. We can draw inspiration from literature for other art forms like film, music, and fashion. 2. We can be inspired by the imaginative thinking of writers to bring about real world innovation and advancements.[/INDENT]J. Literature as an “escape” and “entertainment”[INDENT]1. We can lose ourselves in the comfort of a good read away from our own sometimes harrowing realities. 2. We can comfortably spend our free time enjoying books.[/INDENT]K. Literature as a “friend”[INDENT]1. We can form communities of literature lovers online and in real life. 2. We can turn to our books as reliable and infallible friends.[/INDENT][/INDENT]IV. Conclusion As you can see in the outline above, I've used points formed as "catchy" headings as the main topics and for the sub-topics/arguments I've used sentences in order to better explain how I would be tackling that specific topic. You can adapt this method to essays which wouldn't follow such a simple structure by using headings for arguments and sentences for examples. Also as to your question about making them more vivid and attractive simply follow a theme or a fun opening that makes it's way through all the points in the outline. You get better at this with practice. Your mind is a muscle and forming links and setting a structure is a specific skill set it needs to learn. The more often you do it, the easier it gets and the quicker you can do it as well. |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110750]I'll try and give my thoughts on your outline in another post but for now I'd like to tackle the second half of your query namely how to write points in an outline? There are generally two ways to list the points; headings and sentences (I'm including the question statements as a sub-set of the sentences form). Sentences are considered undesirable simply because an outline should tell the reader what points you are going to cover with only a quick glance or a skim read. The CSS exam checkers are infamous for giving marks on the outline alone so this is a very important point to talk about as it effects the overall impression.
Now my personal opinion is that neither method of presenting the points is superior to the other. They both have their inherent advantages and disadvantages. I've developed a general rule of thumb which helps me maintain a good balance; Headings for the main body and sentences for the arguments. Let me give an example. Below is an outline I created as an entry for an Essay competition recently. The topic was "Do we really need literature?" I.Introduction II.What is literature? III.Do we really need literature? [INDENT]A.Literature as a “mirror” [INDENT]1.We can recognize and better understand aspects of ourselves. 2.We can recognize aspects of our society and societies gone by.[/INDENT] B.Literature as a “time-machine” and “passport” [INDENT]1.We can travel through time and observe life, sometimes firsthand, as those that came before us experienced it. 2.We can experience events, cultures and customs from other parts of the world- real and fictional.[/INDENT] C.Literature as a “window” and “lens” [INDENT]1.We can look out and see the world as other people see it. 2.We can appreciate perspectives other than our own.[/INDENT] D.Literature as a “wise mentor” [INDENT]1.We can learn tolerance, empathy, and acceptance by reading about other people’s perspectives. 2.We can squash prejudices and biases by reading literature from people outside the groups we belong to.[/INDENT] E.Literature as a “catalyst for change” [INDENT]1.We can be shown the flaws and injustices in our current status quo.[/INDENT] F.Literature as a “custodian of values” [INDENT]1.We can use literature as a socialization tool to pass on values from one generation to the next.[/INDENT] G.Literature as an “event simulator” [INDENT]1.We can be forewarned about consequences through reading about the actions and decisions of others.[/INDENT] H.Literature as a “soothsayer” and “harbinger” [INDENT]1.We can heed the warnings of the writers before our time that saw faults with our systems more clearly then we can see them today.[/INDENT] I.Literature as an “inspiration” [INDENT]1.We can draw inspiration from literature for other art forms like film, music, and fashion. 2.We can be inspired by the imaginative thinking of writers to bring about real world innovation and advancements.[/INDENT] J.Literature as an “escape” and “entertainment” [INDENT]1.We can lose ourselves in the comfort of a good read away from our own sometimes harrowing realities. 2.We can comfortably spend our free time enjoying books.[/INDENT] K.Literature as a “friend” [INDENT]1.We can form communities of literature lovers online and in real life. 2.We can turn to our books as reliable and infallible friends.[/INDENT][/INDENT] IV.Conclusion As you can see in the outline above, I've used points formed as "catchy" headings as the main topics and for the sub-topics/arguments I've used sentences in order to better explain how I would be tackling that specific topic. You can adapt this method to essays which wouldn't follow such a simple structure by using headings for arguments and sentences for examples. Also as to your question about making them more vivid and attractive simply follow a theme or a fun opening that makes it's way through all the points in the outline. You get better at this with practice. Your mind is a muscle and forming links and setting a structure is a specific skill set it needs to learn. The more often you do it, the easier it gets and the quicker you can do it as well.[/QUOTE]Thank you so much! I will try to incorporate these things in my essay. Will upload introduction of my essays under this thread to get your feedback. I hope you can take some time out to help struggling aspirants like me. May the Almighty bless you. Aameen! Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110752]Thank you so much! I will try to incorporate these things in my essay. Will upload introduction of my essays under this thread to get your feedback. I hope you can take some time out to help struggling aspirants like me. May the Almighty bless you. Aameen!
Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] We are all here to learn and grow. I'm happy I could help. I try to be active here as much as I can as it's an excellent resource and community if it was brought back from the dead a little. Anyway Thank you so much for the kind wishes! |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110750]I'll try and give my thoughts on your outline in another post but for now I'd like to tackle the second half of your query namely how to write points in an outline? There are generally two ways to list the points; headings and sentences (I'm including the question statements as a sub-set of the sentences form). Sentences are considered undesirable simply because an outline should tell the reader what points you are going to cover with only a quick glance or a skim read. The CSS exam checkers are infamous for giving marks on the outline alone so this is a very important point to talk about as it effects the overall impression.
Now my personal opinion is that neither method of presenting the points is superior to the other. They both have their inherent advantages and disadvantages. I've developed a general rule of thumb which helps me maintain a good balance; Headings for the main body and sentences for the arguments. Let me give an example. Below is an outline I created as an entry for an Essay competition recently. The topic was "Do we really need literature?" I. Introduction II. What is literature? III. Do we really need literature?[INDENT]A. Literature as a “mirror”[INDENT]1. We can recognize and better understand aspects of ourselves. 2. We can recognize aspects of our society and societies gone by.[/INDENT]B. Literature as a “time-machine” and “passport” [INDENT]1. We can travel through time and observe life, sometimes firsthand, as those that came before us experienced it. 2. We can experience events, cultures and customs from other parts of the world- real and fictional.[/INDENT]C. Literature as a “window” and “lens”[INDENT]1. We can look out and see the world as other people see it. 2. We can appreciate perspectives other than our own.[/INDENT]D. Literature as a “wise mentor”[INDENT]1. We can learn tolerance, empathy, and acceptance by reading about other people’s perspectives. 2. We can squash prejudices and biases by reading literature from people outside the groups we belong to.[/INDENT]E. Literature as a “catalyst for change”[INDENT]1. We can be shown the flaws and injustices in our current status quo.[/INDENT]F. Literature as a “custodian of values”[INDENT]1. We can use literature as a socialization tool to pass on values from one generation to the next.[/INDENT]G. Literature as an “event simulator”[INDENT]1. We can be forewarned about consequences through reading about the actions and decisions of others.[/INDENT]H. Literature as a “soothsayer” and “harbinger”[INDENT]1. We can heed the warnings of the writers before our time that saw faults with our systems more clearly then we can see them today.[/INDENT]I. Literature as an “inspiration”[INDENT]1. We can draw inspiration from literature for other art forms like film, music, and fashion. 2. We can be inspired by the imaginative thinking of writers to bring about real world innovation and advancements.[/INDENT]J. Literature as an “escape” and “entertainment”[INDENT]1. We can lose ourselves in the comfort of a good read away from our own sometimes harrowing realities. 2. We can comfortably spend our free time enjoying books.[/INDENT]K. Literature as a “friend”[INDENT]1. We can form communities of literature lovers online and in real life. 2. We can turn to our books as reliable and infallible friends.[/INDENT][/INDENT]IV. Conclusion As you can see in the outline above, I've used points formed as "catchy" headings as the main topics and for the sub-topics/arguments I've used sentences in order to better explain how I would be tackling that specific topic. You can adapt this method to essays which wouldn't follow such a simple structure by using headings for arguments and sentences for examples. Also as to your question about making them more vivid and attractive simply follow a theme or a fun opening that makes it's way through all the points in the outline. You get better at this with practice. Your mind is a muscle and forming links and setting a structure is a specific skill set it needs to learn. The more often you do it, the easier it gets and the quicker you can do it as well.[/QUOTE] aishalam, thanks for sharing your way of handling essays, it is perhaps new technique i am seeing, but quite helpful. Kindly, check my outline and introduction to this topic. Your valuable suggestions are awaited. Request: If possible, make outline of single topic, this would help us choose the best one. How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? [B]Outline 1. Introduction[/B] [B]Thesis statement:[/B] Given the scope and significance of digitalization, it will undoubtedly prove conducive for social and economic development of Pakistan. [B]2. defining the concept 3. different forms of digitalization 4. scope of digitalization in modern times 5. Can digitalization help in socioeconomic development of Pakistan?[/B] Yes, digitalization can really help in socio-economic development of Pakistan by: 5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services 5.2 helping advance communication tools 5.3 modernizing education system 5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters 5.5 fostering electric finance 5.6 boosting export sector 5.7 providing new job opportunities 5.8 strengthening national security 5.9 improving production techniques in agricultural and industrial sectors [B]6. An overview of current position of digitalization in Pakistan[/B] Pace of digitalization in Pakistan is slow and unsatisfactory due to: 6.1 lack of resources 6.2 illiteracy 6.3 poor access to technology 6.4 cultural constraints [B]7. Ways to deal with problems and ensure digitalization in Pakistan[/B] 7.1 political will of concerned authorities 7.2 manage economic crisis 7.3 spread effective education 7.4 invest on information technology 7.5 address concerns of local industry [B]8. Conclusion[/B] [B]Essay [/B] Digitalization is one of the aspects of modern technology. It is considered the key to nation’s development at social, political, economic and cultural levels. It influences states and their policies through its various forms and outlets. Its scope and significance cannot be denied, especially in this time and age, as it has turned the world into a global village. In countries like Pakistan, digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country. If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. Though policy makers have taken some initiatives to expedite digital system in the country, its pace and progress remains slow due to certain impediments. Addressing these hurdles will require a pragmatic approach to ensure an effective and sound digitalization of the country. |
I attempted an essay of " Promoting tourism in Pakistan: opportunities and challenges"
As it is a expository not an argumentative or persuasive essay, i made my TS: " Pakistan has lot of opportunities as well as challenges to promote tourism." Is this a valid thesis statement? Sent from my CPH1909 using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=Innocent Hafeez;1110758]aishalam, thanks for sharing your way of handling essays, it is perhaps new technique i am seeing, but quite helpful. Kindly, check my outline and introduction to this topic. Your valuable suggestions are awaited. Request: If possible, make outline of single topic, this would help us choose the best one.
How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? [B]Outline 1. Introduction[/B] [B]Thesis statement:[/B] Given the scope and significance of digitalization, it will undoubtedly prove conducive for social and economic development of Pakistan. [B]2. defining the concept 3. different forms of digitalization 4. scope of digitalization in modern times 5. Can digitalization help in socioeconomic development of Pakistan?[/B] Yes, digitalization can really help in socio-economic development of Pakistan by: 5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services 5.2 helping advance communication tools 5.3 modernizing education system 5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters 5.5 fostering electric finance 5.6 boosting export sector 5.7 providing new job opportunities 5.8 strengthening national security 5.9 improving production techniques in agricultural and industrial sectors [B]6. An overview of current position of digitalization in Pakistan[/B] Pace of digitalization in Pakistan is slow and unsatisfactory due to: 6.1 lack of resources 6.2 illiteracy 6.3 poor access to technology 6.4 cultural constraints [B]7. Ways to deal with problems and ensure digitalization in Pakistan[/B] 7.1 political will of concerned authorities 7.2 manage economic crisis 7.3 spread effective education 7.4 invest on information technology 7.5 address concerns of local industry [B]8. Conclusion[/B] [B]Essay [/B] Digitalization is one of the aspects of modern technology. It is considered the key to nation’s development at social, political, economic and cultural levels. It influences states and their policies through its various forms and outlets. Its scope and significance cannot be denied, especially in this time and age, as it has turned the world into a global village. In countries like Pakistan, digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country. If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. Though policy makers have taken some initiatives to expedite digital system in the country, its pace and progress remains slow due to certain impediments. Addressing these hurdles will require a pragmatic approach to ensure an effective and sound digitalization of the country.[/QUOTE] Brother, first, sorry for being late and inactive. I am unwell these days. Surely, will catch up with you guys as soon as i get fine. Thanks for mentioning me earlier Here are my thoughts to this: Outline is really good. what i'm going to tell is just a refinement. [B]"5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services"[/B] (You can rephrase it like ensuring quick services delivery. It reduces words count and make it easy to catch). [B]"5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters"[/B] (these, diseases and environmental arguments, could be made into two separate headings. It would make it specific and give weigh to your arguments). [B]"5.5 fostering electric finance"[/B] (This is bit ambiguous. you should reconsider altering words). I feel [B]5.9[/B] should comes before/after the [B]5.6[/B], considering the sequence of arguments. Give it a hard gaze you will get it. [B]"6.3 poor access to technology"[/B] ( this could be changed into inaccessibility to technology). [B]"6.4 cultural constraints"[/B] (Its pretty much broad and unclear. It would leave a good impact if you be specific, direct and clear to the reader). Coming to the Introduction: "It is considered [B](as/to be)[/B] the key to nation’s development..." "...as it has turned the world into a global village."[B] (After this and before TS more subject matter can be added to create interest for the reader)[/B]. "In countries like Pakistan, [B](It would be better if you make it like,[U] In a country like Pakistan...[/U] It will narrow down reader's attention the topic and your arguments as well)[/B]digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country." P.S. If i had missed something other members (esp., @Aishalam) will express their thoughts. Hope it helps! |
I shall cover @SilviaRose outline before moving on to the next just so I have a system to remember which ones I've commented on and which I have not. @Silvia remember these are my thoughts and comments. Feel free to ask any questions you might have. I hope you find my thoughts helpful.
Also @thedreamofrain hope you feel better soon! A) Introduction Thesis Statement: Although there are many factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed, however, digitalization can play a pivotal role in socioeconomic development in Pakistan. B) What is meant by digitalization? i) Definition and basic elements ii)Difference between digitalization and digitization [b](not exactly necessary but you can include it if you want.)[/b] iii) Status of digitalization in Pakistan [b] I agree with the comment before that this should be a seperate point in the outline because it's actually really relevant to the topic. You have been asked How far digitalization can help with the socio-economic development in Pakistan so to get to that you need to establish what the current situation in Pakistan is so that when you talk about recommendations your points are more grounded in reality.)[/b] C) How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? [b] (I think it would be best if you divide this topic into two parts before giving the sub-topics. The two sections would namely be Social development and economic development. This would make your outline a little more coherent and when you are writing your paragraphs it would help you give context better with the social development topics grouped and economic development topics following them. If there is an aspect which overlaps word the sub topic in the sections so that there is a point in each.)[/b] i) As a driver of economic growth and development [b] (how? That's exactly what they are asking. This is not an argument this is the point you are trying to make.)[/b] ii) Improved quality of education through the deployment of latest technologies iii) A better healthcare monitoring and control system [b] (more examples: better healthcare response time with emergency response teams being utilized more efficiently like the 911 dispatch system in the US)[/B] iv) Promotion of tourism industry through the use of digital technologies [B] (how? Be more specific.)[/B] v) The implementation of E-democracy [b](good but include how it would improve social development. You've established that pattern in the points above i.e. including both the mode as well as it's benefit so try to have consistency)[/b] vi) Bridging the digital divide through the development of digital infrastructure [b] (good point but needs a little rewording so that it's clearer at first reading how this helps the social/economic development)[/b] vii) The development of digital competency among organizations [b] (what will this do? How will this help? Make it clearer in the statement.)[/B] viii) The implementation of digital workplace concept ix) As a source of ecological and environmental protection [b] (interesting I wouldn't have thought of that but how? Again be more specific.)[/B] x) As a source of employment D) What are other factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed? [B] (this portion is completely unnecessary. It reads as a filler. Have more faith in your writing abilities that you'll be able to chug out a 2500 word essay with the arguments that you have. Do not add points in the outline simply to add some "padding". It's very easy to see when it is done and it loses you marks right off the bat. They have asked a very specific thing in the topic- stick to it as if your life depends on it.)[/b] i) Fair distribution of resources among the citizens ii) "The lower the population, the higher the development" iii) The current status of economy within a country iv) The nature of institutions within the country E) What can be done to promote digitalization in Pakistan? [B](good portion. Could be made stronger if the state of digitalisation in Pakistan currently topic is added right before it. Also if would be very pleasing from a symmetry pov if you correlate this recommendation portion with the C topic before. I'll explain what I mean in a seperate comment after this. I wrote out a full explanation for someone let me just find it since it was a lot clearer than I can manage at near midnight. **)[/B] i) Increased investment by the government in the digital sector ii) The access of proper digital training to all citizens iii) Incentives for using technology to reach certain milestones F) Conclusion |
(continued from **)One tip on how to improve this would be to create a symmetry in the listing. For example, if you have improvement in the healthcare sector as the third point in section C then recommendations on how to achieve this specofic goal would look nice at 3 as well in section E. If noted by the examiner this would definitely boost your points since it shows that you were willing to go the extra mile in the arrangement and if not noted then subconsciously it still creates a good overall flow and connection in the Outline. Another thing that these listings can help you with is come up with more points. If I was tackling this essay, in the brainstorming stage I would create two columns at the back of the worksheet and title them; development possibility and Recommendation. So now for every development possibility, I would try to look for a corresponding course of action that would help improve and implement digitalization to achieve that specific goal. Not all points I realise fit as neatly into this so you can list them at the very end. After I've brainstormed this list would also help me easily see which ones are economic and which owes social and also which are "stronger" as arguments so you can out them first in the outline.
Final thoughts: I think you've done a pretty good job. You just need to practice a little more. Believe me if you could see my essays in the beginning everyone here would die laughing. Writing is something you get better at the more you do and it's good to share and get feedback so that we can all support and learn from each other. I hope my comments have helped. Thank you for sharing your outline! |
[B][SIZE="4"]Political polarization: Issues and challenges for democracy in Pakistan[/SIZE][/B]
[B][SIZE="3"]1. Introduction 2. What is political polarization? 3. Is Pakistan politically polarized? Yes, how:[/SIZE][/B][INDENT][B]a. Presence of various factions: Government vs. Anti-government b. Divisions in ruling coalition government c. Inclination toward personalities[/B][/INDENT][B][SIZE="3"]4. Issues:[/SIZE][/B][INDENT][B]i Political polarization ii. Limited accountability iii. Election meddling iv. Media clampdown v. Bad governance vi. Political instability vii. Institutional conflicts: Judiciary vs. Military[/B][/INDENT][B][SIZE="3"]5. Challenges:[/SIZE][/B][INDENT][B]i. De-polarizing political environment ii. Initiating across the board accountability iii. Making elections transparent iv. To free media v. Good governance vi. Bring political stability[/B][/INDENT][B][SIZE="3"]6. Conclusion[/SIZE][/B] |
[QUOTE=The dream of rain;1110799][B][SIZE="4"]Political polarization: Issues and challenges for democracy in Pakistan[/SIZE][/B]
[B][SIZE="3"]1. Introduction 2. What is political polarization? 3. Is Pakistan politically polarized? Yes, how:[/SIZE][/B] [INDENT][B]a. Presence of various factions: Government vs. Anti-government b. Divisions in ruling coalition government c. Inclination toward personalities[/B][/INDENT] [B][SIZE="3"]4. Issues:[/SIZE][/B] [INDENT][B]i Political polarization ii. Limited accountability iii. Election meddling iv. Media clampdown v. Bad governance vi. Political instability vii. Institutional conflicts: Judiciary vs. Military[/B][/INDENT] [B][SIZE="3"]5. Challenges:[/SIZE][/B] [INDENT][B]i. De-polarizing political environment ii. Initiating across the board accountability iii. Making elections transparent iv. To free media v. Good governance vi. Bring political stability[/B][/INDENT] [B][SIZE="3"]6. Conclusion[/SIZE][/B][/QUOTE]Doesn't political polarization mean the polarization due to nationalism, elitism, religious(ism), populism, elitism, socialism, personality(ism) in pakistan context?? Sent from my CPH1909 using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=Fahadafridi89;1110800]Doesn't political polarization mean the polarization due to nationalism, elitism, religious(ism), populism, elitism, socialism, personality(ism) in pakistan context??
Sent from my CPH1909 using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] Yes it does. |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110786]I shall cover @SilviaRose outline before moving on to the next just so I have a system to remember which ones I've commented on and which I have not. @Silvia remember these are my thoughts and comments. Feel free to ask any questions you might have. I hope you find my thoughts helpful.
Also @thedreamofrain hope you feel better soon! A) Introduction Thesis Statement: Although there are many factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed, however, digitalization can play a pivotal role in socioeconomic development in Pakistan. B) What is meant by digitalization? i) Definition and basic elements ii)Difference between digitalization and digitization [b](not exactly necessary but you can include it if you want.)[/b] iii) Status of digitalization in Pakistan [b] I agree with the comment before that this should be a seperate point in the outline because it's actually really relevant to the topic. You have been asked How far digitalization can help with the socio-economic development in Pakistan so to get to that you need to establish what the current situation in Pakistan is so that when you talk about recommendations your points are more grounded in reality.)[/b] C) How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? [b] (I think it would be best if you divide this topic into two parts before giving the sub-topics. The two sections would namely be Social development and economic development. This would make your outline a little more coherent and when you are writing your paragraphs it would help you give context better with the social development topics grouped and economic development topics following them. If there is an aspect which overlaps word the sub topic in the sections so that there is a point in each.)[/b] i) As a driver of economic growth and development [b] (how? That's exactly what they are asking. This is not an argument this is the point you are trying to make.)[/b] ii) Improved quality of education through the deployment of latest technologies iii) A better healthcare monitoring and control system [b] (more examples: better healthcare response time with emergency response teams being utilized more efficiently like the 911 dispatch system in the US)[/B] iv) Promotion of tourism industry through the use of digital technologies [B] (how? Be more specific.)[/B] v) The implementation of E-democracy [b](good but include how it would improve social development. You've established that pattern in the points above i.e. including both the mode as well as it's benefit so try to have consistency)[/b] vi) Bridging the digital divide through the development of digital infrastructure [b] (good point but needs a little rewording so that it's clearer at first reading how this helps the social/economic development)[/b] vii) The development of digital competency among organizations [b] (what will this do? How will this help? Make it clearer in the statement.)[/B] viii) The implementation of digital workplace concept ix) As a source of ecological and environmental protection [b] (interesting I wouldn't have thought of that but how? Again be more specific.)[/B] x) As a source of employment D) What are other factors to which socioeconomic development can be attributed? [B] (this portion is completely unnecessary. It reads as a filler. Have more faith in your writing abilities that you'll be able to chug out a 2500 word essay with the arguments that you have. Do not add points in the outline simply to add some "padding". It's very easy to see when it is done and it loses you marks right off the bat. They have asked a very specific thing in the topic- stick to it as if your life depends on it.)[/b] i) Fair distribution of resources among the citizens ii) "The lower the population, the higher the development" iii) The current status of economy within a country iv) The nature of institutions within the country E) What can be done to promote digitalization in Pakistan? [B](good portion. Could be made stronger if the state of digitalisation in Pakistan currently topic is added right before it. Also if would be very pleasing from a symmetry pov if you correlate this recommendation portion with the C topic before. I'll explain what I mean in a seperate comment after this. I wrote out a full explanation for someone let me just find it since it was a lot clearer than I can manage at near midnight. **)[/B] i) Increased investment by the government in the digital sector ii) The access of proper digital training to all citizens iii) Incentives for using technology to reach certain milestones F) Conclusion[/QUOTE]Thank you so much for your feedback. It must have been a tedious one😂 Now looking at my outline, I can see the mistakes I made while making it. Coming to introduction, I have written one on this essay but I don't know the things that must be included in the introduction. Should the introduction cover all the things mentioned in the outline? (And if so, Wouldn't it make the introduction more lengthy?) I have written this introduction but it is a more general one that doesn't cover the content of my outline. Hope it isn't as irrelevant as I think:( My Introduction Rupert Murdoch once said,"The world is changing very fast. Big will not beat small anymore. It will be the fast beating the slow."This dictum has been validated by the contemporary developments occuring throughout the world. Only those who are quick to adapt to these changing developments are progressing. One such development is embracing digitalization which has completely changed the future of the world. Unfortunately, Pakistan is amongst the countries that lags in this department. According to Digital Evolution Index(DEI), Pakistan was ranked 56th out of the 60 countries in 2017. This is quite alarming considering future socioeconomic indicators especially education and economic development are closely related to it. Among the various factors that attribute to socioeconomic development, digitilization can play a substantial role in the socioeconomic development of Pakistan. Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk |
Topic: Future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses
1- Introduction 2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses? 2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy. 2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan. 2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy. 2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony. 2.5- Education can ensure women empowerment and their due role in national life of Pakistan. 2.6- Education is a powerful weapon against extremism and militancy. 2.7- Only education can impart a nation with a sense of civic responsibilities. 3- Why the current standing of education in Pakistan does not forecast a bright future? 3.1- Pakistan spends lowest percentage of its GDP in South Asia. 3.2- Parallel education systems result in further widening of divergences in society. 3.3- Social constraints keep women away from education. 3.4- The system is based on rote-learning and transition of informations. 4- How can the rotten education system be fixed? 4.1- Government must give education its due budgetary allocation. 4.2- A uniform education system must be introduced throughout the country. 4.3- Special legislations and incentives can relieve the educational plight of women. 4.4- Emphasis should be on research-based education keeping local problems in focus. 5- Conclusion Education has been the most effective tool for human development since time immemorial. It is education what makes a useful member of his society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace. The glory of great past civilzation is, by and large, credited to education. In the contemporary world too, countries flourish by the education of their people. Pakistan is certainly not an exception. The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education.Nevertheless, the present education system of Pakistan does not present any hopes of such a future. This system is faced with grave problems of rote-learning and lack of funds on behalf of government. Moreover, Parallel education systems and social constraints on women education further aggravate the sufferings. Arguably, these problems are not unresolvable and Pakistan can, too, rise to the world stage like Japan and South Korea. For this to occur, both state and society must adopt a firm determination towards this cause. Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=The dream of rain;1110780]Brother, first, sorry for being late and inactive. I am unwell these days. Surely, will catch up with you guys as soon as i get fine.
Thanks for mentioning me earlier Here are my thoughts to this: Outline is really good. what i'm going to tell is just a refinement. [B]"5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services"[/B] (You can rephrase it like ensuring quick services delivery. It reduces words count and make it easy to catch). [B]"5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters"[/B] (these, diseases and environmental arguments, could be made into two separate headings. It would make it specific and give weigh to your arguments). [B]"5.5 fostering electric finance"[/B] (This is bit ambiguous. you should reconsider altering words). I feel [B]5.9[/B] should comes before/after the [B]5.6[/B], considering the sequence of arguments. Give it a hard gaze you will get it. [B]"6.3 poor access to technology"[/B] ( this could be changed into inaccessibility to technology). [B]"6.4 cultural constraints"[/B] (Its pretty much broad and unclear. It would leave a good impact if you be specific, direct and clear to the reader). Coming to the Introduction: "It is considered [B](as/to be)[/B] the key to nation’s development..." "...as it has turned the world into a global village."[B] (After this and before TS more subject matter can be added to create interest for the reader)[/B]. "In countries like Pakistan, [B](It would be better if you make it like,[U] In a country like Pakistan...[/U] It will narrow down reader's attention the topic and your arguments as well)[/B]digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country." P.S. If i had missed something other members (esp., @Aishalam) will express their thoughts. Hope it helps![/QUOTE] Dear dream, thanks for your analysis, and I pray for your health. May you get well soon. Your suggestions are good. I wanted to write e-finance, but wrote in full form. Regarding cultural constraints: I use them as impediments, because with the advent of digital system, cultural traditions will surely come under threat (modernism vs. traditionalism). This gap will have to be fixed with in order to make digitalization successful. And, thanks for pointing out some visible mistakes in intro. Waiting for some other suggestions. Thanks. |
[QUOTE=The dream of rain;1110799][B][SIZE="4"]Political polarization: Issues and challenges for democracy in Pakistan[/SIZE][/B]
[B][SIZE="3"]1. Introduction 2. What is political polarization? 3. Is Pakistan politically polarized? Yes, how:[/SIZE][/B][INDENT][B]a. Presence of various factions: Government vs. Anti-government b. Divisions in ruling coalition government c. Inclination toward personalities[/B][/INDENT][B][SIZE="3"]4. Issues:[/SIZE][/B][INDENT][B]i Political polarization ii. Limited accountability iii. Election meddling iv. Media clampdown v. Bad governance vi. Political instability vii. Institutional conflicts: Judiciary vs. Military[/B][/INDENT][B][SIZE="3"]5. Challenges:[/SIZE][/B][INDENT][B]i. De-polarizing political environment ii. Initiating across the board accountability iii. Making elections transparent iv. To free media v. Good governance vi. Bring political stability[/B][/INDENT][B][SIZE="3"]6. Conclusion[/SIZE][/B][/QUOTE] My analysis: You have not mentioned democracy even for a single time in your outline. What i think you have touched only political polarization, but overlooked democracy. And, i think issues and challenges should remain same. Your issues part is good, but in challenges you have put solutions to the challenges. It should have been a separate heading to overcome political polarization. plus: i personally believe we have to make balance between political polarization and democracy and how the polarized condition of the former poses challenges to the latter. This is what i believe, others are requested to comment on this. |
I agree with @thedreamofrain's comments on the outline but I would like to add a few points which you will find below. I hope they are helpful!
[QUOTE=Innocent Hafeez;1110758] How far can digitalization help in socioeconomic development in Pakistan? [B]Outline 1. Introduction[/B] [B]Thesis statement:[/B] Given the scope and significance of digitalization, it will [COLOR="DarkOrchid"][B](better to use the word "can". "Will" connotes certainty which one can't exactly claim.) [/COLOR]prove conducive for social and economic development of Pakistan. [COLOR="darkorchid"](I would suggest taking a look at my post #7 in this thread where I have listed some desirable characteristics in a TS. Your TS is strong but it can be made stronger.)[/B][/COLOR] [B]2. defining the concept 3. different forms of digitalization 4. scope of digitalization in modern times [B][COLOR="darkorchid"](this point seems a tad irrelevant)[/COLOR][/B] 5. Can digitalization help in socioeconomic development of Pakistan?[/B] Yes, digitalization can really help in socio-economic development of Pakistan by: 5.1 ensuring quick delivery of services 5.2 helping advance communication tools 5.3 modernizing education system 5.4 coping with diseases and environmental disasters 5.5 fostering electric finance 5.6 boosting export sector 5.7 providing new job opportunities 5.8 strengthening national security 5.9 improving production techniques in agricultural and industrial sectors [B][COLOR="darkorchid"](very strong arguments and good wording/structure. Add a few more for social development. Most of these are economic. How about the provision and safe implementation of a national social security net, establishment of distant learning programs/ education and skill development in regional languages, focus the job opportunity argument on women who can use digitalization to establish small businesses run from home, could also include better awareness and availability of information which does have an impact on social development of a nation, easier access to vote is a social development indicator as well. That is why I recommended @sylvia rose to divide this section into two distinct halves; social development and economic development because otherwise the social aspect is just lumped in with economic growth and sure they are extremely interconnected but it would be worthwhile to distinguish where digitalization can have an impact on our social development specifically.)[/COLOR][/B] [B]6. An overview of current position of digitalization in Pakistan[/B] Pace of digitalization in Pakistan is slow and unsatisfactory due to: 6.1 lack of resources 6.2 illiteracy 6.3 poor access to technology 6.4 cultural constraints [B][COLOR="darkorchid"](good addition to the narrative. It flows well from one point to the next)[/COLOR][/B] [B]7. Ways to deal with problems and ensure digitalization in Pakistan[/B] 7.1 political will of concerned authorities 7.2 manage economic crisis 7.3 spread effective education 7.4 invest on information technology 7.5 address concerns of local industry [B][COLOR="darkorchid"](more arguments could be included here. It seems a little empty. Make it longer but not as long as point 5 as that is the major question asked in the essay topic so it should cover 60-70% of the outline area visually. This is a rough rule of thumb but helpful to ensure that one keeps it focused and coherent.)[/COLOR][/B] [B]8. Conclusion[/B] [B]Essay [/B] Digitalization is one of the aspects of modern technology. It is considered the key to nation’s development at social, political, economic and cultural levels. It influences states and their policies through its various forms and outlets. Its scope and significance cannot be denied, especially in this time and age, as it has turned the world into a global village. In countries like Pakistan, digitalization can play a conducive role for socio-economic progress of the country. If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. Though policy makers have taken some initiatives to expedite digital system in the country, its pace and progress remains slow due to certain impediments. Addressing these hurdles will require a pragmatic approach to ensure an effective and sound digitalization of the country.[B][COLOR="darkorchid"](good introduction and there is a nice flow between the sentences. A few things I'd like to point out. Adverbs like besides, in addition and however are fine but do not use so many of them one after the other. The actual meaning of the sentences gets lost while one tries to keep track of how it relates to the past sentence. So these three sentences should be reworded a little to ensure better flow. I would also recommend that you search up "essay hook". they are the opening to an essay and are designed specifically to engage the reader and make them sit up and focus on what you have to say. There are many types and you can pick and chose which suits your writing style and the topic as well. Your opening lines are completely fine as they are but they are generic. the checker will read near hundreds of variations of those same lines so why should they care about your essay in particular? No matter how strong your arguments are or how flawless the grammar and structure, it wouldn't matter one bit if the checker loses interest right at the start. If you would like I could do a post here about my favorite type of hooks and how to tailor them to any essay topic. Also when writing an introduction it is important to keep the conclusion in the back of the mind. They serve different purposes but they are supposed to be reflections of the other. They should neatly encase everything else you wish to say and hence support and complement one another. If you have set out to answer a question, it should be answered outright in the conclusion. If you have used a metaphor in the hook, it should make a reappearance by the end. These sort of considerations make your writing interesting and unique and your reader would appreciate that. Overall you've done a very commendable job. These comments are genuinely me nitpicking.)[/COLOR][/B] [/QUOTE] |
Ma'am Aishalm please also consider mine.
Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110835]I agree with @thedreamofrain's comments on the outline but I would like to add a few points which you will find below. I hope they are helpful![/QUOTE]
Sister aishalam, thanks for your kind suggestions. I understood your tips in the outline portion, and they were immensely helpful, but got little about introduction. First, besides, in addition , are conjunctions and i used them to ensure smooth flow of sentences. [B]So these three sentences should be reworded a little to ensure better flow.[/B] Kindly, rewrite these sentences for me as you say in my introduction just as a sample. I will be thankful. Second, i did not get about essay' hook'. Please, post your favorite hook as you have said to show how to write it. Third,[B] If you have set out to answer a question, it should be answered outright in the conclusion. If you have used a metaphor in the hook, it should make a reappearance by the end. [/B] Sister, i am not getting about this sentence regarding conclusion as well. Can you post a sample introduction to this topic by showing essay hook as well as conclusion? Or, you can edit my Intro as per you suggestions. It would make things clearer. Thanks again. |
[QUOTE=IkhAfridi;1110819]Topic: Future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses
1- Introduction 2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses? 2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy. 2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan. 2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy. 2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony. 2.5- Education can ensure women empowerment and their due role in national life of Pakistan. 2.6- Education is a powerful weapon against extremism and militancy. 2.7- Only education can impart a nation with a sense of civic responsibilities. 3- Why the current standing of education in Pakistan does not forecast a bright future? 3.1- Pakistan spends lowest percentage of its GDP in South Asia. 3.2- Parallel education systems result in further widening of divergences in society. 3.3- Social constraints keep women away from education. 3.4- The system is based on rote-learning and transition of informations. 4- How can the rotten education system be fixed? 4.1- Government must give education its due budgetary allocation. 4.2- A uniform education system must be introduced throughout the country. 4.3- Special legislations and incentives can relieve the educational plight of women. 4.4- Emphasis should be on research-based education keeping local problems in focus. 5- Conclusion Education has been the most effective tool for human development since time immemorial. It is education what makes a useful member of his society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace. The glory of great past civilzation is, by and large, credited to education. In the contemporary world too, countries flourish by the education of their people. Pakistan is certainly not an exception. The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education.Nevertheless, the present education system of Pakistan does not present any hopes of such a future. This system is faced with grave problems of rote-learning and lack of funds on behalf of government. Moreover, Parallel education systems and social constraints on women education further aggravate the sufferings. Arguably, these problems are not unresolvable and Pakistan can, too, rise to the world stage like Japan and South Korea. For this to occur, both state and society must adopt a firm determination towards this cause. Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] M opinion: Your outline and intro are really good. But, i think before point 2 you should define education first and some more points can be added here. Also in intro: [I][B]However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education [/B][/I] This part of your intro is in disorder. Bring however sentence at the place of nevertheless to highlight prevailing problems. Rest is fine, others will comment further. |
[QUOTE=Innocent Hafeez;1110847]Sister aishalam, thanks for your kind suggestions. I understood your tips in the outline portion, and they were immensely helpful, but got little about introduction.
First, besides, in addition , are conjunctions and i used them to ensure smooth flow of sentences. [B]So these three sentences should be reworded a little to ensure better flow.[/B] Kindly, rewrite these sentences for me as you say in my introduction just as a sample. I will be thankful. [/QUOTE] [B]Original sentences[/B]: "...If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture...." [B]Reworded suggestion[/B]: If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. It will also maximize job opportunities and will strengthen the country’s security and education systems. In addition to the previously listed prospects, digitilization also has vast potential to boost and foster the country's trade via new and improved production techniques which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. (As you can see very slight changes here and there. What I meant by advising against using so many of these conjunctions togetger is simple; these words are meant to link one sentence with the other before it so when reading the sentences together your subconsciously try to keep the first one vaguely at the back of your mind so that you can see how the sentence you are currently reading is related to the last one. Having so many back to back means with sentences that are relatively long means that there is an information overload and you just give up trying to make connections. You will notice I've added "...to the previously listed prospects..." after "in addition" to remind the reader what points we are talking about and how this sentence adds to it all as well. I've also used "digitalization" again in the third sentence again as a soft reminder of what we are talking about. Using "it" again and again gets a tad repetitive so change it up a bit. Use the name again or some adjective phrase like "this marvelous modern technological process" or something simpler to add variety. I hope this point makes a little more sense now. I'll try to get to the rest soon too. |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110852][B]Original sentences[/B]: "...If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture...."
[B]Reworded suggestion[/B]: If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. It will also maximize job opportunities and will strengthen the country’s security and education systems. In addition to the previously listed prospects, digitilization also has vast potential to boost and foster the country's trade via new and improved production techniques which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. (As you can see very slight changes here and there. What I meant by advising against using so many of these conjunctions togetger is simple; these words are meant to link one sentence with the other before it so when reading the sentences together your subconsciously try to keep the first one vaguely at the back of your mind so that you can see how the sentence you are currently reading is related to the last one. Having so many back to back means with sentences that are relatively long means that there is an information overload and you just give up trying to make connections. You will notice I've added "...to the previously listed prospects..." after "in addition" to remind the reader what points we are talking about and how this sentence adds to it all as well. I've also used "digitalization" again in the third sentence again as a soft reminder of what we are talking about. Using "it" again and again gets a tad repetitive so change it up a bit. Use the name again or some adjective phrase like "this marvelous modern technological process" or something simpler to add variety. I hope this point makes a little more sense now. I'll try to get to the rest soon too.[/QUOTE] Ignore the bombardment of "agains" at the end there. Was really distracted. @IkhAfridi I'll try to get to it soon but on first glance it's a pretty strong outline! |
[QUOTE=Fahadafridi89;1110762]I attempted an essay of " Promoting tourism in Pakistan: opportunities and challenges"
As it is a expository not an argumentative or persuasive essay, i made my TS: " Pakistan has lot of opportunities as well as challenges to promote tourism." Is this a valid thesis statement? Sent from my CPH1909 using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] If you will look at my post 7 on the first page of this thread, you will find a couple of characteristics of a "strong" thesis statement. I shall comment below on your TS on the basis of those same points; 1- Short and to the point. Your TS covers this point pretty strongly. It's short and your point is clear. 2. Is an opinion. TS has to be a point of view even if it is not an argumentative essay. Whenever you are writing you are writing through a certain perspective and in expository essays more than anything else it's important to remember how that perspective can (and will) influence your arguments. I feel your TS is valid but the claim is too general to be taken seriously. Your TS is literally the topic itself. What a stronger TS will do is tell the reader what you think about the topic asked and what will you try to prove. I will illustrate what I mean better with an example at the end. 3. Specific and precise. Your TS is both but it lacks some detail. Again this will be explained better with an example at the end. 4. So what? The So what addition to the TS is not commonly seen in expository essays simply because the reader isn't being "persuaded" instead is just being fed information and we don't really need to make him or her invested. So this point won't apply to your TS. Moving on with an example. Let's take the topic you have chosen yourself; "Promoting tourism in Pakistan: opportunities and challenges" [B]THESIS STATEMENT: Being very uniquely placed geographically and politically, Pakistan has unique opportunities to promote development through it's tourism sector, but there are a lot of challenges which stand in the way of the country making full use of what would otherwise appear as a very lucrative industry. [/B] Notice above that I've made very specific claims about the topic. I've added details and also am going to try and prove a certain perspective. As you will notice I have not said anything new, these are things most people would agree on and in fact both of us if we write the essay would be using much of the same arguments but with a TS like this those arguments would try to support a opinion. As you can see I've also included very specific details. I've said that it's because of geographical and political position that we even have these opportunities to begin with, you can disagree but my essay and it's arguments will try and give information to back that up . There is a very popular type of thesis statement which is called the three pronged approach. I'm sure you've heard of it but basically when using that you give three very specific details about what you are going to talk about- this applies to expository essays as well. For example if someone has asked you to write an essay on why Hitchcock is considered an excellent director you can say, "Owing to his ability to create suspense, mould memorable characters and capture engaging stories, Alfred Hitchcock is considered one of the greatest directors of all time." Now this is a very specific opinion since I've attributed Hitchcock's success to three things and my essay (which may have more arguments and information to give) will be written to support this claim of mine. So in adopting a TS approach like this one you can write a strong and memorable TS for an expository essay. Also remember that writing is highly subjective but these were my thoughts. I hope they were useful. |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110860]If you will look at my post 7 on the first page of this thread, you will find a couple of characteristics of a "strong" thesis statement. I shall comment below on your TS on the basis of those same points;
1- Short and to the point. Your TS covers this point pretty strongly. It's short and your point is clear. 2. Is an opinion. TS has to be a point of view even if it is not an argumentative essay. Whenever you are writing you are writing through a certain perspective and in expository essays more than anything else it's important to remember how that perspective can (and will) influence your arguments. I feel your TS is valid but the claim is too general to be taken seriously. Your TS is literally the topic itself. What a stronger TS will do is tell the reader what you think about the topic asked and what will you try to prove. I will illustrate what I mean better with an example at the end. 3. Specific and precise. Your TS is both but it lacks some detail. Again this will be explained better with an example at the end. 4. So what? The So what addition to the TS is not commonly seen in expository essays simply because the reader isn't being "persuaded" instead is just being fed information and we don't really need to make him or her invested. So this point won't apply to your TS. Moving on with an example. Let's take the topic you have chosen yourself; "Promoting tourism in Pakistan: opportunities and challenges" [B]THESIS STATEMENT: Being very uniquely placed geographically and politically, Pakistan has unique opportunities to promote development through it's tourism sector, but there are a lot of challenges which stand in the way of the country making full use of what would otherwise appear as a very lucrative industry. [/B] Notice above that I've made very specific claims about the topic. I've added details and also am going to try and prove a certain perspective. As you will notice I have not said anything new, these are things most people would agree on and in fact both of us if we write the essay would be using much of the same arguments but with a TS like this those arguments would try to support a opinion. As you can see I've also included very specific details. I've said that it's because of geographical and political position that we even have these opportunities to begin with, you can disagree but my essay and it's arguments will try and give information to back that up . There is a very popular type of thesis statement which is called the three pronged approach. I'm sure you've heard of it but basically when using that you give three very specific details about what you are going to talk about- this applies to expository essays as well. For example if someone has asked you to write an essay on why Hitchcock is considered an excellent director you can say, "Owing to his ability to create suspense, mould memorable characters and capture engaging stories, Alfred Hitchcock is considered one of the greatest directors of all time." Now this is a very specific opinion since I've attributed Hitchcock's success to three things and my essay (which may have more arguments and information to give) will be written to support this claim of mine. So in adopting a TS approach like this one you can write a strong and memorable TS for an expository essay. Also remember that writing is highly subjective but these were my thoughts. I hope they were useful.[/QUOTE]Thanks madam. i thought to write TS included 2,3 main points at exam, but being on safe side I just did this. As I brainstormed many points of opportunities and challenges, so it was difficult for me to pick specific point like u did in given example. Lets hope for good. Again thanks for your valuable time. 🙂 Sent from my CPH1909 using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=aishalam;1110852][B]Original sentences[/B]: "...If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture...."
[B]Reworded suggestion[/B]: If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. It will also maximize job opportunities and will strengthen the country’s security and education systems. In addition to the previously listed prospects, digitilization also has vast potential to boost and foster the country's trade via new and improved production techniques which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. (As you can see very slight changes here and there. What I meant by advising against using so many of these conjunctions togetger is simple; these words are meant to link one sentence with the other before it so when reading the sentences together your subconsciously try to keep the first one vaguely at the back of your mind so that you can see how the sentence you are currently reading is related to the last one. Having so many back to back means with sentences that are relatively long means that there is an information overload and you just give up trying to make connections. You will notice I've added "...to the previously listed prospects..." after "in addition" to remind the reader what points we are talking about and how this sentence adds to it all as well. I've also used "digitalization" again in the third sentence again as a soft reminder of what we are talking about. Using "it" again and again gets a tad repetitive so change it up a bit. Use the name again or some adjective phrase like "this marvelous modern technological process" or something simpler to add variety. I hope this point makes a little more sense now. I'll try to get to the rest soon too.[/QUOTE] Thanks sister for your analysis. Waiting for other aspects to be reviewed. And about “again” i can understand. |
[QUOTE=Innocent Hafeez;1110848]M opinion:
Your outline and intro are really good. But, i think before point 2 you should define education first and some more points can be added here. Also in intro: [I][B]However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education [/B][/I] This part of your intro is in disorder. Bring however sentence at the place of nevertheless to highlight prevailing problems. Rest is fine, others will comment further.[/QUOTE]Sir, thank you very much for your valuable feedback. 1- You have recommended to define "education" in outlines. Please will you elaborate this point that how it can be defined or how one can frame this one liner. 2- I, myself, note this disruption in my introduction. I have written introduction on pattern as general beginning followed by thesis statement, glimpses of outlines and then endorsement of thesis statement. My thesis stament is, "The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels." 3- According to your suggested order, thesis statement will be at two places in introduction. i- "The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses." It will be followed by glimpses of outlines where it has been urged how future of Pakistan lies in education. ii- "However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels." This part will be followed by summary of outlines where problems and their remedies have been mentioned. By doing this, thesis statement of my essay will be at two different places in introduction. Is this ok, sir? Looking forward for a detail guidance. Thanks in advance! Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk |
[QUOTE=IkhAfridi;1110819]Topic: Future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses
1- Introduction 2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses? 2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy. 2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan. 2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy. 2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony. 2.5- Education can ensure women empowerment and their due role in national life of Pakistan. 2.6- Education is a powerful weapon against extremism and militancy. 2.7- Only education can impart a nation with a sense of civic responsibilities. 3- Why the current standing of education in Pakistan does not forecast a bright future? 3.1- Pakistan spends lowest percentage of its GDP in South Asia. 3.2- Parallel education systems result in further widening of divergences in society. 3.3- Social constraints keep women away from education. 3.4- The system is based on rote-learning and transition of informations. 4- How can the rotten education system be fixed? 4.1- Government must give education its due budgetary allocation. 4.2- A uniform education system must be introduced throughout the country. 4.3- Special legislations and incentives can relieve the educational plight of women. 4.4- Emphasis should be on research-based education keeping local problems in focus. 5- Conclusion Education has been the most effective tool for human development since time immemorial. It is education what makes a useful member of his society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace. The glory of great past civilzation is, by and large, credited to education. In the contemporary world too, countries flourish by the education of their people. Pakistan is certainly not an exception. The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education.Nevertheless, the present education system of Pakistan does not present any hopes of such a future. This system is faced with grave problems of rote-learning and lack of funds on behalf of government. Moreover, Parallel education systems and social constraints on women education further aggravate the sufferings. Arguably, these problems are not unresolvable and Pakistan can, too, rise to the world stage like Japan and South Korea. For this to occur, both state and society must adopt a firm determination towards this cause. Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk[/QUOTE] Here is my review about it. 2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses? [B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]The arguments raised under this heading are disordered, ambiguous in their description and less convincing. Though, i get what argument you are trying to make under it. But, lack of clarity breeds lack of interest for the examiner.[/COLOR][/B] 2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy. [B][COLOR="royalblue"]This, for instance, is an unclear argument (making it tad irrelevant). Try making clear stance, if you can use one-liners/a sentence. And, this point does not sound correct to be at top of other. Try placing most important first and then going down, logically.[/COLOR][/B] 2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan. [B][COLOR="royalblue"]Skill-based/technical education would be better here. The word skill only does not give right sense and break flow. [/COLOR][/B] 2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy.[B][COLOR="royalblue"] Again, breaking flow of thoughts [/COLOR][/B] 2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony. [B][COLOR="royalblue"]This seems pretty convincing argument. On a lighter note, avoid using sentences in the outline that use "and." Though, nothing wrong, but using too much of them projects that candidate lacks words and clarity in expressing himself.[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR="royalblue"]While, 2.5, 2,6 and 2.7 seem just fine. [/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR="royalblue"]I would prefer short sentence or more often one word substitution in the outline rather than long sentences. Because i'm laconic mostly. @Aishalam had already defined that use of sentences/words in outline in her earlier post. And, its on you to either go for it.[/COLOR][/B] 4- How can the rotten education system be fixed? [B][COLOR="royalblue"]Don't use such "rotten" expressions in the outline. it projects vitriolic formation of ones thought.[/COLOR][/B] Coming to the introduction: "It is education what [B]('that' would be better here)[/B] makes [B][COLOR="Lime"]one/oneself[/COLOR][/B] a useful member of [COLOR="lime"]his (his seemed alien in the sentence so to make sense it required)[/COLOR] society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace." "The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses."[B][COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"] (considering this, you should break your outline respective socio-economic and political headings. Second, TS is still not so concrete. Try writing more concrete one followed by few arguments to substantiate it).[/COLOR][/B] "However, the currently rotten education system..." [B][COLOR="deepskyblue"]Currently is not be used here, adjectives like 'current, present, contemporary' etc would better suit here. And, the entire sentence doesn't seem to fit here. because it is again followed by sentences connecting to the TS. So find right placement.[/COLOR][/B] Thoughts, follow same sequence in your introduction as in the outline. This way you will learn to make alignment. Be clear, concise and selective in your outline. Hope it helps! |
[B]How far can digitalization help in socio-economic development of Pakistan?[/B]
[B]1. Introduction 2. Status of digitalization in Pakistan: A brief overview of past and present 3. Digitalization's development possibilities in economic sector:[/B][INDENT][B]a. Creates employment opportunities b. Broadens tax net c. Enhance foreign direct investment d. Increase industrial production e. Brings efficiency in agriculture f. Raise export chains g. Boost GDP[/B][/INDENT][B]4. Digitalization's development possibilities in social sector:[/B] [B][INDENT]a. Impart modern education b. Rapid access to healthcare c. Improves social security network d. Fast access to information e. Reduces constraints for female voters: E-voting f. Creates upward mobility for women g. Produces gender equality[/INDENT][/B] [B]5. Conclusion [/B] |
Kindly share the outline of global power dynamics and pakistan foreign policy
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[QUOTE=The dream of rain;1110923][B]How far can digitalization help in socio-economic development of Pakistan?[/B]
[B]1. Introduction 2. Status of digitalization in Pakistan: A brief overview of past and present 3. Digitalization's development possibilities in economic sector:[/B][INDENT][B]a. Creates employment opportunities b. Broadens tax net c. Enhance foreign direct investment d. Increase industrial production e. Brings efficiency in agriculture f. Raise export chains g. Boost GDP[/B][/INDENT][B]4. Digitalization's development possibilities in social sector:[/B] [B][INDENT]a. Impart modern education b. Rapid access to healthcare c. Improves social security network d. Fast access to information e. Reduces constraints for female voters: E-voting f. Creates upward mobility for women g. Produces gender equality[/INDENT][/B] [B]5. Conclusion [/B][/QUOTE] @Aishalam critical analysis is anticipated. [B]Introduction:[/B][INDENT]What drives socio-economic development of a country remains a question of endless debates, distinctively answered by people belonging to various fields. For that reason, placing digitalization to answer the question it can be seen that, so far, digitalization, a form of modern technology, has revolutionized the entire world. Not only by changing countries' socio-economic fabric, but also by aiding political developments. Therefore, considering such broad set of developments, it can be safely argued that digitalization can prove viable for aiding socio-economic development of Pakistan. It can be so argued on the basis of development possibilities it presents in respective sectors. Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation. Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. Thus, digitalization, no doubt, can yield fruitful results for socio-economic conditions of Pakistan.[/INDENT] |
[QUOTE=The dream of rain;1111019]@Aishalam critical analysis is anticipated.
[B]Introduction:[/B][INDENT]What drives socio-economic development of a country remains a question of endless debates, distinctively answered by people belonging to various fields. For that reason, placing digitalization to answer the question it can be seen that, so far, digitalization, a form of modern technology, has revolutionized the entire world. Not only by changing countries' socio-economic fabric, but also by aiding political developments. Therefore, considering such broad set of developments, it can be safely argued that digitalization can prove viable for aiding socio-economic development of Pakistan. It can be so argued on the basis of development possibilities it presents in respective sectors. Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation. Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. Thus, digitalization, no doubt, can yield fruitful results for socio-economic conditions of Pakistan.[/INDENT][/QUOTE] Dear Dream, your outline is brief and to the point, albeit well written. I have no idea, whether we should quote recommendations or not in this type of essay, though i have written them. Your introduction is also fine, but i have noticed a few mistakes. [B][I]Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation. [/I][/B] Your this sentence seems to be grammatically incorrect. I think this sentence should continue, if you have used while. I think comma should be used between [B]a few and while.[/B] And, it seems that you have used two thesis statements; one at beginning about Pakistan, and one at the bottom. Also, you should consider this sentence: Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. I think it should be : besides, it decreases... and creates....May be i am wrong, others should comment further. Well, your way of English writing is really good. [B]Also to add something:[/B] Members are requested to make this thread alive or else, it will die out. Thanks. |
[QUOTE=Innocent Hafeez;1111092]Dear Dream, your outline is brief and to the point, albeit well written. I have no idea, whether we should quote recommendations or not in this type of essay, though i have written them.
Your introduction is also fine, but i have noticed a few mistakes. [B][I]Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation. [/I][/B] Your this sentence seems to be grammatically incorrect. I think this sentence should continue, if you have used while. I think comma should be used between [B]a few and while.[/B] And, it seems that you have used two thesis statements; one at beginning about Pakistan, and one at the bottom. Also, you should consider this sentence: Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. I think it should be : besides, it decreases... and creates....May be i am wrong, others should comment further. Well, your way of English writing is really good. [B]Also to add something:[/B] Members are requested to make this thread alive or else, it will die out. Thanks.[/QUOTE] Hafeez thanks for your reviews. First, Kudos, to my hectic typing on the forum! After posting i noticed a mistake that is i have used "s" with "can" You can read that loud and clear. Recommendations did not seem to me in demand. But, [B]its optional[/B]. If one can brainstorm and write such long essay including recommendations in 3 hours then go for it. Anyways, as for the grammatical mistakes pointed out by you i can not agree. "While" is a connector. If i had used comma after or before that (instead of period) it would have made the sentence too long. Therefore, to keep it limited it was necessary. And, "to name a few" is considerable parenthetic statement to place in the last it requires comma. I get it, after "besides" i should have used simple tense but here it felt good to me (at first i did then i undo that). And, since it is grammatically right, why not continue! For last sentence, i just wrote as a short reminder and as to end the discussion. If it is wrong i would try to avoid it. |
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