analyse my essay and the marks that i were given for this attempt
 

I have been a critic of fpsc since it announced CSS 2016 result. I was given the marks of irrelevant essay I.e 20 that according to my own perception was injustice with me. I am of the belief that my essay was not checked at all. Please analyse my essay and decide yourself if CSS exam has become a joke


Does foreign aid help to achieve economic stability?
1. Introduction
The role of foreign aid to stabilise, or destabilise, an economy is largely dependent upon the intentions of the donor and character of the recipient state.
Donor intentions: whether strings are attached or not
Recipent character: whether recipient is corrupt or not and how is the governance structure,
Foreign aid has always produced mixed result.
2. Foreign aid a mixed scenario: marshall plan vs aid to Pakistan
Compared marshall plan with aid to Pakistan
3. Evils associated with foreign aid. (examiner inferred by studying this heading that I am not talking about stability or instability rather about something else.)
3.1 insistence by donor to liberalise market
When tariff non-tariff barriers removed, local market of poor states flooded with foreign products. Local products cant compete these products, their consumption lowers down. GDP growth decreases unemployment increases.
3.2 insistence by donor to subside subsidy on agricultural products
When subsidy eliminated, the price of agriculture products jacks up, and they can't compete in international markets. Trade deficit, budget deficit increases. Resultantly lower GDP rate, inflation, unemployment.
3.3 Structural adjustment policies of IMF, WB and loss of human capital.
IMF, WB demand that expenditure on health education must be reduced. This erodes the efficiency of labour.
3.4 free market economy and environmental degradation by MNCs in poor states
When free market, mncs shift their manufacturering units to poor states in order to evade the environmental laws of parent states. There they degrade environment which has serious consequences on economy.
This is a very latest issue and being discussed in sustainable development related conferences
3.5 prone to corruption( corrupt elites in the recipient state)
States are poor because of corrupt elites. Rulers there misuse and abuse foreign aid that result in mounting debt servicing. Debt lead to inflation and unemployment.
4. Proposed reforms in Imf, wb ( proposed by south, g-77 states)
Due to the aforementioned problems poor states in UN have propsed to reforms both the leading lenders and abolish weightage system
5. Benefits of foreign aid
If donor is sincere and recipent is effective; ifcost benefit analysis method is employed, f.aid can be utilised to solve balance of payment crisis. it can be utilised in developmental Projects. Infrastructure development that lead to more revenue more employment.
6. Alternatives to foreign aid.
6.1 broadening tax net.
6.2 adopting austerity measures
6.3 natural resources exploration
6.4 corruption elimination
7. Conclusion

I
Does foreign aid help to achieve economic stability?
1. Introduction
The role of foreign aid to stabilise, or destabilise, an economy is largely dependent upon the intentions of the donor and character of the recipient state.
Donor intentions: whether strings are attached or not
Recipent character: whether recipient is corrupt or not and how is the governance structure,
Foreign aid has always produced mixed result.
[QUOTE] 2. Foreign aid a mixed scenario: marshall plan vs aid to Pakistan [/QUOTE]

irrelvent not needed

Compared marshall plan with aid to Pakistan
3[QUOTE]. Evils associated with foreign aid. (examiner inferred by studying this heading that I am not talking about stability or instability rather about something else.)
3.1 insistence by donor to liberalise market
When tariff non-tariff barriers removed, local market of poor states flooded with foreign products. Local products cant compete these products, their consumption lowers down. GDP growth decreases unemployment increases.
3.2 insistence by donor to subside subsidy on agricultural products
When subsidy eliminated, the price of agriculture products jacks up, and they can't compete in international markets. Trade deficit, budget deficit increases. Resultantly lower GDP rate, inflation, unemployment.
3.3 Structural adjustment policies of IMF, WB and loss of human capital.
IMF, WB demand that expenditure on health education must be reduced. This erodes the efficiency of labour.
3.4 free market economy and environmental degradation by MNCs in poor states
When free market, mncs shift their manufacturering units to poor states in order to evade the environmental laws of parent states. There they degrade environment which has serious consequences on economy.
This is a very latest issue and being discussed in sustainable development related conferences
3.5 prone to corruption( corrupt elites in the recipient state)
States are poor because of corrupt elites. Rulers there misuse and abuse foreign aid that result in mounting debt servicing. Debt lead to inflation and unemployment.[/QUOTE]

Good points

4[QUOTE]. Proposed reforms in Imf, wb ( proposed by south, g-77 states)
Due to the aforementioned problems poor states in UN have propsed to reforms both the leading lenders and abolish weightage system
5. Benefits of foreign aid
If donor is sincere and recipent is effective; ifcost benefit analysis method is employed, f.aid can be utilised to solve balance of payment crisis. it can be utilised in developmental Projects. Infrastructure development that lead to more revenue more employment.
6. Alternatives to foreign aid.
6.1 broadening tax net.
6.2 adopting austerity measures
6.3 natural resources exploration
6.4 corruption elimination
7. Conclusion

[/QUOTE]

Irrelvent ..

I would suggest you to make it outline in question form of such essays.and justify it in main body

[QUOTE=zealot;978518]I would suggest you to make it outline in question form of such essays.and justify it in main body[/QUOTE]

hey boy! Have you ever read four forms of discourse?
marshall plan was a part of narration. And since when giving relative examples have become irrelevant?

suggestions are part of an essay when you say that f.aid has assumed a controversial role then there is no harm in suggesting alternatives.

and regarding your last statement I cant. Say anything

[QUOTE=abbas khan 119;978532]hey boy! Have you ever read four forms of discourse?
marshall plan was a part of narration. And since when giving relative examples have become irrelevant?

suggestions are part of an essay when you say that f.aid has assumed a controversial role then there is no harm in suggesting alternatives.

and regarding your last statement I cant. Say anything[/QUOTE]

Ok bro...then ask to FPSC who awarded you 20 marks...

Dear I'm also awarded 20 marks in essay. I wrote the essay with full economic comparison ranging from far west to east. The simple answers lies in your grammar. Trust me, examiners are more interested in pointing out grammatical fault then material. Maybe our paragraph structure was not according to fpsc baba vision i.e 8 sentences per paragraph. The list goes on and the intelligent are those who point their mistakes and work on them. I'm doing the same so should you. My thesis statement was correct and totally relevant but I don't know why such cruelty. I mentioned HDI of Pakistan,Bangladesh,Turkey and so on. My outline is shared on this forum and tell me where did it lag. I'm disagree with zealot that thesis statement should be on body. InFact thesis statement is the soul of the essay and can be written in introduction. I supported my thesis statement with examples. But, I failed.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[QUOTE=zealot;978533]Ok bro...then ask to FPSC who awarded you 20 marks...[/QUOTE]

yes i will ask to fpsc who awarded me 20 marks ”9ü8”9ü8

can you not just focus on your studies rather than posting in each and every thread?

[QUOTE=lovereflector;978564]Dear I'm also awarded 20 marks in essay. I wrote the essay with full economic comparison ranging from far west to east. The simple answers lies in your grammar. Trust me, examiners are more interested in pointing out grammatical fault then material. Maybe our paragraph structure was not according to fpsc baba vision i.e 8 sentences per paragraph. The list goes on and the intelligent are those who point their mistakes and work on them. I'm doing the same so should you. My thesis statement was correct and totally relevant but I don't know why such cruelty. I mentioned HDI of Pakistan,Bangladesh,Turkey and so on. My outline is shared on this forum and tell me where did it lag. I'm disagree with zealot that thesis statement should be on body. InFact thesis statement is the soul of the essay and can be written in introduction. I supported my thesis statement with examples. But, I failed.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

English is not at all a problem for me. I have cleared PMS, Tehsildar English paper and AD ministry of defence previously with the same proficiency.

I dont know why they failed you, but I know very well why checker gave me 20: he/she did not read my whole essay Or even introduction. He/she just read outline and assumed it to be irrelevant

I have yet not appeared in CE but I am an aspirant and following CSS from many years. To be honest, this seems to be a very average essay. CSS essay is one of the most frightening things for most students (Even for M.Phil English people). Considering that, one expects a very brilliant essay in order to get passing marks.

But I feel you can improve as you have already done basics right. Moreover, please inform us about the length of essay, approx. number of paragraphs and other details in order to analyze further.

[QUOTE=husseych;978659]I have yet not appeared in CE but I am an aspirant and following CSS from many years. To be honest, this seems to be a very average essay. CSS essay is one of the most frightening things for most students (Even for M.Phil English people). Considering that, one expects a very brilliant essay in order to get passing marks.

But I feel you can improve as you have already done basics right. Moreover, please inform us about the length of essay, approx. number of paragraphs and other details in order to analyze further.[/QUOTE]

I must say lolz. Majority of the aspirants wrote in this essay points that were even distantly not related to the topic still they were given more than 30 marks. Like a few mentioned NGOs, military aid which are not at all a part of budget hence irrelevant.
thanks for the input