Please check my essay!

[azeegum]

AssalamOAllaikum senoirs! What's up? I've made an attempt on the topic "The Plight Of Our Nation". I'm a newbie and I need your help on essay writing. Please check my essay and let me know me where I need improvements. I'll welcome your suggestions. All the readers are requested to read my essay with an analytical eye. Thanks





The Plight of Our Nation

I am a Pakistani and I am proud to be a citizen of an Islamic state which our great Quaid-e-Azam gifted us and Allama Iqbal dreamed for. But what I’m going to write now does not make feel proud anymore. There’re some brutal facts about our dear country Pakistan which I want to share with you today.
So, with no particular order, here we go:

The Pakistani people have developed a nature of sitting on the fence in times of country crises and very proud fully forgiving our political leaders who have led the country to the list of the most corrupt countries and rooted up the ideological foundations of Pakistan laid down with the sacrifices of Muhammad Ali Jinnah, our prestigious religious leaders and our forefathers.

It has been noticed that we tend to abdicate our responsibility which our nation has suffered a lot from in the past and the coming generations are going to suffer as well if we kept on like that much longer. So much so, our political leaders have understood our behaviour and learned how to play with us.

This culture needs to be abrogated and the people need to be educated so that they can understand as what rights they have to their most valued lives – their rights to food, shelter, jobs, etc. Most importantly they need to assert the need for democracy and understand that their rights can only be enjoyed in a democratic atmosphere.

There’s a famous quote “Democracy is a device that insures that we may be served no better than we deserve”.
But then again, it has been mentioned in the Holy Quran that ALLAH Almighty never changes the condition of a nation unless it wants to change itself.

This Quranic verse teaches us something important and taking pity on ourselves and our coming generations we must learn from it and incorporate the lesson practically in our lifestyles and ways of thinking.

I’m no scholar or an analyst to suggest any reforms but, a little bit I know, I have taken down for you very shortly. Just think about it…

The first and the foremost thing is that the people must encourage and insure the getting of education. Secondly, they must completely abstain from electing those corrupt elements who have already inflicted the humiliation and hardships on us in past many years and consider others from among the common run of people; who can understand the problems of the people; who know why a child is bothered in labour at the age when he is supposed to be in some school; why employment ratio is increasing since our country is rich with resources of all kinds; why there’s no accountability of those who corrupted the system and exploited it for their personal and unfair gains; who insure safety of thousands of homeless people, who could insure abolishing of discrimination of language, caste and colour in the light of Islam; and who could insure a life in this country that the nation truly deserve.

I know that such a thing cannot be achieved overnight, but at least we can take an important initiative by stressing upon the improvement of our Achilles’ heel, that is the EDUCATION. Yes, education is a panacea to our every problem and nips the evils of all kinds in the bud.

Our Holy Prophet PBUH once said “Seeking of education is obligatory for every man and woman”. We must take into account the logical side of this Hadith-e-Mubarak.

As a Muslim we must go back to what our religion, our Prophet and ALLAH has commanded us, we will automatically locate the areas of fault in ourselves without merely blaming our system. We make system, system does not make us. Remember, a positive change starts taking place from the place it turns into negative. So change has to start from individual to collective levels, not otherwise.
WE NEED TO CHANGE OURSELVES FIRST.

I pray that may Almighty ALLAH we understand this one little thing (Aameen).

Azhar Ali (Newbie)

[soniariazhussain]

I am no expert on this but I would definitely suggest that you do not employ the first person singular. That would go against essay writing.

Regards

[azeegum]

Thanks for pinpointing that. I'd rather that someone read my essay with a critical analysis as I'm writing here to get my language improved.
Thanks anyways. Take care

[M.Murtaza]

Originally Posted by azeegum

AssalamOAllaikum senoirs! What's up? I've made an attempt on the topic "The Plight Of Our Nation". I'm a newbie and I need your help on essay writing. Please check my essay and let me know me where I need improvements. I'll welcome your suggestions. All the readers are requested to read my essay with an analytical eye. Thanks





The Plight of Our Nation

I am a Pakistani and I am proud to be a citizen of an Islamic state which our great Quaid-e-Azam gifted us and Allama Iqbal dreamed for. But what I’m going to write now does not make feel proud anymore. There’re some brutal facts about our dear country Pakistan which I want to share with you today.
So, with no particular order, here we go:

The Pakistani people have developed a nature of sitting on the fence in times of country crises and very proud fully forgiving our political leaders who have led the country to the list of the most corrupt countries and rooted up the ideological foundations of Pakistan laid down with the sacrifices of Muhammad Ali Jinnah, our prestigious religious leaders and our forefathers.

It has been noticed that we tend to abdicate our responsibility which our nation has suffered a lot from in the past and the coming generations are going to suffer as well if we kept on like that much longer. So much so, our political leaders have understood our behaviour and learned how to play with us.

This culture needs to be abrogated and the people need to be educated so that they can understand as what rights they have to their most valued lives – their rights to food, shelter, jobs, etc. Most importantly they need to assert the need for democracy and understand that their rights can only be enjoyed in a democratic atmosphere.

There’s a famous quote “Democracy is a device that insures that we may be served no better than we deserve”.
But then again, it has been mentioned in the Holy Quran that ALLAH Almighty never changes the condition of a nation unless it wants to change itself.

This Quranic verse teaches us something important and taking pity on ourselves and our coming generations we must learn from it and incorporate the lesson practically in our lifestyles and ways of thinking.

I’m no scholar or an analyst to suggest any reforms but, a little bit I know, I have taken down for you very shortly. Just think about it…

The first and the foremost thing is that the people must encourage and insure the getting of education. Secondly, they must completely abstain from electing those corrupt elements who have already inflicted the humiliation and hardships on us in past many years and consider others from among the common run of people; who can understand the problems of the people; who know why a child is bothered in labour at the age when he is supposed to be in some school; why employment ratio is increasing since our country is rich with resources of all kinds; why there’s no accountability of those who corrupted the system and exploited it for their personal and unfair gains; who insure safety of thousands of homeless people, who could insure abolishing of discrimination of language, caste and colour in the light of Islam; and who could insure a life in this country that the nation truly deserve.

I know that such a thing cannot be achieved overnight, but at least we can take an important initiative by stressing upon the improvement of our Achilles’ heel, that is the EDUCATION. Yes, education is a panacea to our every problem and nips the evils of all kinds in the bud.

Our Holy Prophet PBUH once said “Seeking of education is obligatory for every man and woman”. We must take into account the logical side of this Hadith-e-Mubarak.

As a Muslim we must go back to what our religion, our Prophet and ALLAH has commanded us, we will automatically locate the areas of fault in ourselves without merely blaming our system. We make system, system does not make us. Remember, a positive change starts taking place from the place it turns into negative. So change has to start from individual to collective levels, not otherwise.
WE NEED TO CHANGE OURSELVES FIRST.

I pray that may Almighty ALLAH we understand this one little thing (Aameen).

Azhar Ali (Newbie)

The Plight of Our Nation

I am a Pakistani and I am proud to be a citizen of an Islamic state which our great Quaid-e-Azam gifted us and Allama Iqbal dreamed for. Nevertheless, what I’m going to write now does not make to feel proud anymore. There’re some brutal facts about our dear country Pakistan which I want to share with you today.
So, with no particular order, here we go:

The Pakistani people have developed a nature of sitting on the fence in times of country crises and very proud fully forgiving our political leaders who have led the country to the list of the most corrupt countries and rooted up the ideological foundations of Pakistan laid down with the sacrifices of Muhammad Ali Jinnah, our prestigious religious leaders and our forefathers.

It has been noticed that we tend to abdicate our responsibility which our nation has suffered a lot from in the past and the coming generations are going to suffer as well if we kept on like that much longer. So much so, our political leaders have understood our behaviour and learned how to play with us.

This culture needs to be abrogated and the people need to be educated so that they can understand as what rights, they have to their most valued lives – their rights to food, shelter, jobs, etc. Most importantly they need to assert the need for democracy and understand that their rights can only be enjoyed in a democratic atmosphere.

There’s a famous quote “Democracy is a device that insures that we may be served no better than we deserve”.
Even so,, then again, it has been mentioned in the Holy Quran that ALLAH Almighty never changes the condition of a nation, unless it wants to change itself.

This Quranic verse teaches us something important and taking pity on ourselves and our coming generations we must learn from it and incorporate the lesson practically in our lifestyles and ways of thinking.

I’m no scholar or an analyst to suggest any reforms but, a bit I know, I have taken down for you very shortly. Just think about it…

The first and the foremost thing is that the people must encourage and insure the getting of education. Secondly, they must completely abstain from electing those corrupt elements who have already inflicted the humiliation and hardships on us in past many years and consider others from among the common run of people? Who can understand the problems of the people and know why a child is bothered in labour at the age when he is supposed to be in some school?. Why an employment ratio is increasing since our country is rich with resources of all kinds; why there’s no accountability of those who corrupted the system and exploited it for their personal and unfair gains; who insure safety of thousands of homeless people, who could insure abolishing of discrimination of language, caste and colour in the light of Islam; and who could insure a life in this country that the nation truly deserve.

I know that such a thing cannot be achieved overnight, but at least we can take an important initiative by stressing upon the improvement of our Achilles’ heel, that is the EDUCATION. Yes, education is a panacea to our every problem and nips the evils of all kinds in the bud.

Our Holy Prophet PBUH once said “Seeking of education is obligatory for every man and woman”. We must take into account the logical side of this Hadith-e-Mubarak.

As a Muslim we must go back to what our religion, our Prophet and ALLAH had commanded us, we will automatically locate the areas of fault in ourselves without merely blaming our system. We make the system, system does not make us. Remember, a positive change starts taking place from the place it turns into negative. So change has to start from individual to collective levels, not otherwise.
WE NEED TO CHANGE OURSELVES FIRST.


Like Sonia riaz Hussain I am not a linguistic expert. Well, in my opinion, there were some grammatical mistakes that I have tried to correct. You can get them in bold.

[azeegum]

AssalamOAllaikum. Thanks a lot dear. I've been coming online for many days to see if someone has corrected my essay which I've finally got from you. What I will still like about my essay is to be checked with a complete operation, in the sense of mistakes, comments, etc. But, all those grammatical mistakes you have highlighted in bold letter mean a positive thing to me. Thanks anyways.
Take care.