Quote:
Originally Posted by checkmywork
1. Introduction
The effective measures at all levels can ensure gender equality in Pakistan.
2. Current status of women in Pakistan
i. Discrimination against women.
ii. Under-represented in all public institutions.
iii. Low female literacy rate.
iv. The patriarchal misinterpretation of religion
3. Why women ought to become equal to men in Pakistan?
i. To comply with international standards and image-building of the country.
ii. Political development in the country.
iii. Economic prosperity across the country.
4. How can women be equal to men in Pakistan?
i. Socio-cultural changes in the country.
ii. Educating the women.
iii. Effective and up-to-date legislation.
iv. Proper implementation of the law.
v. The positive role of clergy.
vi. Media and civil society.
5. Conclusion
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In my opinion, this essay should be written in argumentative style. Your first outline is although well structured but it is irrelevant to the topic. In the topic, you are being asked to give your opinion that can women be equal to men in Pakistan or not. Take your stance and present supporting arguments. He has not asked about present condition of women in Pakistan as he is well aware about the situation. He is just asking that if it is possible to give them equal status or not. Moreover, there is no need to write that why women want to become equal to men. Just give supportive arguments. Write self explanatory phrases in arguments. After that you can give suggestions that how can women get equal status in Pakistan. Before suggestions you can also write that why there is a need to give equal status to women in Pakistan. The most important word in the statement is can and that is the main point to be discussed in the essay.
In your introduction you have written "gender equality". In this essay you are being asked about equality of men and women. He is not asking about gender equality so, write only about women.
Your English seems fine to me. However, you are making one mistake. In essay, you are writing phrases but putting full stops at the end. Do not put full stops.
Read the statement at least 3-5 times. Understand it and identify the key points. Write the main parts which you need to discuss about these key points. Then add points in these main parts. This is how you construct your outline. Your issue is understanding the topic and relevancy. Work on it. Your ideas in 2nd outline are good. Just twist them in phrases but they should be self explanatory. They should look like an argument not heading.