Originally Posted by aishalam

Most definitely an improvement. The only way to get better at writing is to continue writing. There are no shortcuts there. To help you develop a logical sequence to your paragraphs let me give you a little trick; ask questions.

For example let's start with your second line- there are many different evils in societies around the globe. the question that immediately springs to mind is what kind of evils? You have answered that in the very next line so that is good logical flow. Many of those are directly related to politics and economics. the next question that comes to mind is has anyone done anything to solve these? You've answered that as well These problems have no concrete solutions except the solutions provided by democracy. then the logical next questions are-has mankind really tried other solutions and failed? Why would democracy work? What's so special about it? What is democracy anyway? You have answered the last question but have missed the others hence the flow of the paragraph gets broken and you feel like you are going over a speed breaker while reading. Am I making much sense? Tell me if I'm not I'll try to explain it a different way.

Keep practicing using this technique and I'm sure it'll become easier. Adding the quote in the beginning doesn't add much. You could definitely sneak it into the paragraph itself somewhere but putting it right in the beginning raises other questions like What is democracy a revenge against? That isn't really relevant to the discussion.