Originally Posted by aishalam

Hello! I'll give my thoughts on it piece by piece. So let's start with the overall structure of the outline. It is thorough and very well thought out. One point I would like to make is that the main topic is The future of Pakistan lies in Education this is essentially covered in your point number 2. Since this is the actual topic itself it should be at least 50-60% of the total outline. The other two sections on the problems with our education system and how to improve it are additional and supplementary. So that's something to consider.

Taking your point two itself; 2. How future of Pakistan lies in education? Add "the" before future.

A. Education brings economic prosperity How? What will education do to help the economy? Be more specific. In fact it has been shown to be quite opposite. if structural changes aren't administered at the same time as education policies we are left with a highly-educated youth who are jobless. Some might turn to entrepreneurship but that requires credit and dealing with a system of rules (both legal and social) which do not support self-employment at all.
B. Education strengthens democracy Good point. Back it up with further sub points; it helps to implement the rule of law, it makes governance smoother, it boosts political participation, it raises accountability etc etc.
C. Education promotes justice Again how? It can raise awareness about your rights and duties but rarely does more education=more justice. In fact America still has issues with its criminal justice system and its lingering prejudice against black men. Where is the justice?
D. It ensures religious tolerance Solid point.
E. It enhances is the quality of health The sentence is grammatically incorrect. But solid point. More education, especially of women, lower infant mortality greatly.
F.. it guarantees gender equalityDoes it? Not really. You can have a Ph.D and still hold outdated views when it comes to gender equality. This is a structural and societal issues. Opening up more schools in an area is not going to make people send their daughters there. There is an issue of opportunity cost as well which is a whole other debate in its own right. Education will not "guarantee" anything.
G. It ameliorates the fields of science and information and technology Solid point. Education (especially higher education) will also boost innovation.

Looking at the above points, I feel you are confusing two thing here. More education does not automatically mean that people will be better citizens, more respectful or even that they will let go of old prejudices and/or biases. These are societal issues and require large changes than just improving the quality and quantity of education.

Here are some more impacts education can have that will better out future; education boosts easy and ready acceptance of new technology (helping us keep pace with the fast-changing world), quality education promotes peace and fosters tolerance and goodwill, Education is an invaluable tool to help empower women, More Education and dispersion of information can bring political stability (through a better understanding and involvement amongst the populace), Formal Education can help reduce chances of citizens falling prey to involvement with extremist organizations (not a given but it does reduce chances of one being blindly brainwashed), better educated citizens are a investment (human capital) and can attract foreign investment etc etc.


3. Why Education fails to bring positive changes in Pakistan? change it to "why education HAS FAILED to bring...". or "why our education policies don't work?"
A. Minimum share for education sector in the budget good point. Also discuss more political issues like how funds are withheld etc.
B. Gender inequality prevails in the sector
C. Corruption is rampant in the sector
D. Education is politicized
Nothing new nor particularly specific in B, C, D. Okay points but not solid arguments.
E. Craming is common
F. Creativity is discouraged Can be combined into one and simply be a point on how we have focused on quantity in the past not the quality of education.

Add more points to this such as; education policy needs to be integrated with other development plans and especially the requirements of our country. We need more technical and vocation education institutes which directly educate the people for actual jobs. Vocational education is an important part of the education systems around the world especially in countries like Finland, Austria, Germany, New Zealand and Switzerland. It helps give direct jobs to people and prepare them to be contributing members of the economy. We in Pakistan also have a problem of serious adult illiteracy. How can we get these people back to school when there is so much stigma involved?

4. Way forward
A. The state should make education its top priority
B. Obsolete syllabi should be changed
C. Modern facilities should be granted
D. Teachers should be trained effectively
E. Maximum share for education should be allocated in the budget
This is fine. I see no problem with it. More points could be added, especially about integration, but overall very good portion.

In past, education was in a dismal condition in Pakistan. Though, it improved for a certain period of time yet, permanent changes could not be incorporated to bring effective results of education to the society. The present condition of education in Pakistan is also not as effective as it is in developed countries. The future of Pakistan lies in education as it promotes economic prosperity, political stability, balance in society and religious tolerance. Education plays a vital role in the development of a society and it is very crucial for Pakistan to prioritise education at this stage because Pakistan is way behind from other educated nations in terms of advancement in various fields of life. My main issue with your thesis statement/introduction is that it lays undue stress on comparison of Pakistan with other "developed countries". Don't generalize, be specific. Give examples like the Scandinavian nations and the Eastern tigers who all gave priority to improved the quality of their human capital and credit that vision change to be their single most important reason for success and prosperity today. Overall good but could be better. Also remember to include a hook. It does't have a good hook.


I think you have done a pretty good job with this topic. My points above are merely me nit-picking but I think one should never settle for "good enough". I hope my comments helped you in some way. Feel free to ask any questions and I'd be happy to help if I can.