Originally Posted by aishalam

Original sentences: "...If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. Besides, it will maximize job opportunities and will strengthen country’s security and education system. In addition, it will foster state’s trade via new and improved production technique, which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture...."

Reworded suggestion: If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. It will also maximize job opportunities and will strengthen the country’s security and education systems. In addition to the previously listed prospects, digitilization also has vast potential to boost and foster the country's trade via new and improved production techniques which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture.


(As you can see very slight changes here and there. What I meant by advising against using so many of these conjunctions togetger is simple; these words are meant to link one sentence with the other before it so when reading the sentences together your subconsciously try to keep the first one vaguely at the back of your mind so that you can see how the sentence you are currently reading is related to the last one. Having so many back to back means with sentences that are relatively long means that there is an information overload and you just give up trying to make connections. You will notice I've added "...to the previously listed prospects..." after "in addition" to remind the reader what points we are talking about and how this sentence adds to it all as well. I've also used "digitalization" again in the third sentence again as a soft reminder of what we are talking about. Using "it" again and again gets a tad repetitive so change it up a bit. Use the name again or some adjective phrase like "this marvelous modern technological process" or something simpler to add variety. I hope this point makes a little more sense now. I'll try to get to the rest soon too.